So What Do I Do Now

9 Replies
bmorebabe - November 16

Ok I had my baby 5 days ago and I cant decide if I want to file for child support or not the babys father has not been involved throughout the pregnancy and for all he knows I had an abortion or miscarried if I file for child support there is only slim chances that they will be able to find him slimmer chances that he will be working and also if he doesnt know about his daughter he wont be able to come in and out of her life when he sees fit or it is convenient for him and he therefore will not be able to hurt her. Then there is the fact that he is her father and he does need to learn to take responsibility for his actions I was not the only one having unprotected s_x right? Then there is his mother who told me to have an abortion when I was 8 weeks pregnant and I have not spoken to her since then I think she might actually believe that I did go and have one. But doesnt she have the right to know that she has a granddaughter? Also I am in kind of a financial situation right now I had money saved for three months rent and while I was in the hospital having the baby my roommate stole 2 months rent from me thank god I had one months worth in the bank and I still have my bills taken care of. So I literally am stuck in a few ways and I dont know what to do now some of my friends agree that he shouldnt know about her so he cant mess her life up and some of my friends say that he deserves to pay. So what do I do now?!? BTW she was 7lbs 12.8oz 19 and a half inches and has the most hair that I have ever seen on a baby. When I look at her I do see a little bit of her father in her already. The other thing is if I dont tell him about her or he doesnt want anything to do with her anyway what am I going to tell her when she starts to ask about him?

 

E - November 16

I think you should let him know she was born b4 filing to see if he wants to deal with this amicably. If not, filing for child support is the right thing to do, in my opinion. Sometimes, this is what it takes to get the father to want to be involved in his child's life. Men do not like to pay for something that they know nothing about. I say this b/c I think it is fair to give him the chance. If you do not, you may be abandoning the last bit of hope that your baby has to have a father. She may want to look him up some day and if you are getting CS, you will be able to keep better track of him. I think many children would feel upset if they knew their mother never notified their father of their birth. Good luck and I wish you all the best!!

 

bmorebabe - November 16

The only problem with letting him know is that I have absolutely no way to find him when he left me he literally dissapeared he moved "lost" his cell phone which was in my name and never called again and that was over 7 months ago. So the only way to notify him is through his mother and that is if she knows where he is because she didnt after he left. I think that I definately would tell him if I knew where he was, but I dont and I am not sure he wants to be found plus one of the things that the child support agency in my area does is locate "missing fathers" I mean I told him I was pregnant and he chose to vanish. Im just afraid that he might do the same thing to her that he did to me. Am I not protecting my child from emotioal distress that she doesnt have to go through?

 

Gina - November 17

Congratulations on your new baby firstly. This is really a hard one and a decision you will have to make yourself in the end. In my opinion I would let his mother know that she has a grandchild and ask her to contact her son and let him know the same. I would be very suprised if she has not heard from him in 7 months otherwise she would be very worried. I realise she told you to have an abortion which was terrible. However and eye for an eye never works. If you do not make the contact you may regret it in the future when your daughter asks questions about her daddy at least you can look her in the eye and say you did your best to make contact. If he does come back into her life you have control and if there is any emotional stress due to him being there you can stop that straight away. I think you should get some financial support if possible, too many men walk away without giving a penny " it takes two to tango". This of course is my opionion I hope your decision comes easy for you. Peace and Love

 

Ca__sandra - November 17

I agree 100% with Gina. But it is your decision. Your the one in control. Good luck, and Congrats :-)

 

bmorebabe - November 17

I think that what I am going to do is I had both his mothers and his fathers phone numbers and I did a reverse lookup online to get their addresses so when I get her hospital pictures in the mail I am going to send them each one with a short letter letting them know that they have a grandchild and that I still have not heard from him and that if they do could they please have him call me so that as adults we can discuss where to go from here and if he doesnt call after a month or so I am going to a__sume that they dont know where he is or that he doesnt want to talk to me and I will have the child support agency locate him if they can. Thank you all so much for your advice this was really a difficult decision to make but I know that I couldnt have made it completely by myself. Thanks so much best wishes to all of you.

 

keefersmom - November 17

Give the child up for adoption. You are not in a stable situation. All children deserve to have a stable begining. Do what is best for you and your child and find a good couple to adopt it.

 

Ca__sandra - November 17

Keefersmom, what is your problem. bmorebabe is perfectly capable of taking care of her child. I do realize that giving a baby up for adoption is a loving thing to do. But come on, shes made it clear she wants to keep her baby...so stop putting so much pressure on these girls to give their children up for adoption. I dont mean to be mean but jeeze. Anyway, bmorebabe, i think your making a good decision. hopefully they can find the father and you can get the support you deserve. :-)

 

Audrey - November 18

bmorebabe- As difficult as it might be, it would probably be better to locate the child's father, or talk to his parents. You should know if his family has any hereditary conditions that might have been pa__sed on to the child.

 

bmorebabe - November 18

Thanks Ca__sandra for your support I agree that I am fully capable to care for my child. She does have a stabe place right now here with me and I resent that anyone would doubt that I have my own apartment I have a job that btw cant wait for me to return and also I plan on returning to school in the spring. I have a lot of good friends that are there for me and my baby to help me out in whatever way that they can. I know that they are not her father but how can anyone doubt the ability of a mother to care for her child? It certainly isnt my fault that he is a coward and doesnt want to own up to his responsibilities. For another thing my children are my life they come before anything else in the entire world especially including being in a relationship, I do not want or need a man in my life right now I know that God is there to taike care of me and that that is all that matters.

 

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