To Keep Or Not To Keep Pg1275920003

7 Replies
Kerstrat - June 7

Ok.. so, I understand there are a lot of people with VERY strong opinions on abortion and rightly so. I would appreciate some help, but as objective as possible. I am 36, almost 37. I have an 11 year old that is AWESOME! Now, here's the thing.. He has wanted a sibling for a very long time. I had wanted 2 children but because I divorced and then just got out of a HORRIBLE 2 1/2 year relationship, I assumed it would never happen. While I was fine with that, it bothered me.. a little. So, my ex (the horrible 2 1/2 relationship) came back to town for a meeting and well.. now I'm preggers. He was mentally abusive, has no job, etc, so I assume and am ok with the fact that he will not be in the picture. But, that being said, he will not be in the picture.. kinda big for a baby not to have a father around. Luckily my 11 year olds Dad and I get along GREAT. He is in the Coast Guard and lives 6 hours away, but he sees him as much as possible, great with child support, etc. Ok, so.. I had decided to abort.. and here are the reasons.. 1. I CANNOT afford daycare. I have a great career, but there is no room for daycare, even taking away extras like cable, extras on the phone, etc. Believe me, I've done the math. I moved a year ago to a more expensive part of town and now daycare will be out the roof! 2. When I found out I was preggers with my 11 year old, I was worse off financially, but his Dad was excited. This being said, I had someone else that was going to do whatever financially needed to be done to raise the child. Now, I have a child and to bring a baby in would financially take away A LOT. I know that sounds selfish, but it is the absolute truth. Do I take away from one child AND not have enough for a new one? 3. I have no family support. I am here in this world, alone. I don't have others to rely on. I have great friends, and they say they will help as much as they can.. but key words "as much as they can". All of this to say that when i went to abort, I was not far enough along. I have to come back in 2 weeks. I almost felt like that was a sign, BUT.. that doesn't make me feel better financially, etc. I literally cannot find a way to make even half of a daycare payment every month. I have already seen my ob/gyn and did not tell them of my plans. I have an apt for an ultrasound in a week. I am absolutely torn. I am sure that no matter what decision I make will be fine, but I just have no one for guidance. I cannot ask my friends because I don't want them to feel like they convinced to do something I don't want to do. I lean towards abortion still cause I honestly see the benefits outweighing bringing another child into the world that will have to go without.. vs. not having a child and being able to provide for the one that's here. Ok.. sorry for the book.. obviously VERY torn and desperate for somoene elses perspective. Please, don't just tell me to keep the baby becuase morally it's the right thing to do. I need realistic, logical advice. Sigh.. thanks for any feedback!!


scarednlonely - June 7

Have you considered adoption??


Grandpa Viv - June 8

Close to half of all women have an abortion at some time in their lives, the older ones usually for the same kind of reasons you cite. The pro-life message has permeated our schools well enough that many teen pregnancies go to term. You have dome the math and know what is best for you and your son. a__suming you are not going to be guilt-ridden for more than the normal mourning period, you could tell your friends you miscarried, and get on with your life. The best of luck!


KCS69361 - June 27

Only you can know what seems right to you. If abortion doesn't feel do-able but you don't see how you can raise this child, adoption is a great option. I know it's difficult, but the truth is, all three options (adoption/abortion/parenting) are difficult and involve pain/grief. I'm an adoptive mom, and our son's birthmother is my hero. Only 21, but she wanted so much for her child that she wasn't able to give that she gave me the greatest gift, to be a mom. Just my perspective. Wishing you health, happiness and peace with whatever you decide.


desertrose - July 3

Just read your post, and know your pain. I have done all 3 options of pregnancy. I am a mother of 3 adult children. I had my 1st when I was 16. I joined the military to support my son and accidently got pregnant with #2 (Age 18). I too could not afford to raise another child by myself without taking away from the first. I chose open door adoption. Then I got married and found out I was pregnant again #3 (Age 19). Husband was a jerk. Made me get an abortion. Tough time for me since it was not my decision. We divorced and I met another man. Got pregnant #4 (Age 20). Different time frame in life and more self confident, chose to keep the baby. I know that you are asking for someone to help you to make your decision, but honestly only you can do that. Only you will have to live with it. Look within your heart and you will know the right choice. Then, be at peace knowing you did what was right for you. You don't have to justify anything to anyone. I am at peace and have no regrets nor will I apoligize for my life. Heartfelt best wishes in whatever you decide.


TornConfused - July 9

I am in a similar situation. I am 30 and I have always been pro-life. Now I am 12 weeks pregnant with the child of a man who has not worked in over a year bc his business went under and he hasn't found a job since. I have two girls who are my world from my ex-husband. He is our financial backbone. Now, I am pregnant by a man who can't provide for himself much less a child. How do I bring a child into this world that will always have less than his own sisters? How is that fair? And I can't afford the cost of anything outside our life now on my own. It took me till this week to even be able to research abortion because inside I feel like it is such a horrible thing but do I allow a child to suffer the consequences of my mistake? I am torn and confused as to what I should do. I don't know that I can go through with it but I can't imagine how I can manage having another child and raising well adjusted children. My ex-husband has a son that was born to parents that were not able (they were 15) to care for him properly and he has so many mental issues that he suffers daily. And to raise not 2 but 3 children alone. I am so stressed over this I dont sleep and I can't keep down any food. The father would be so incredibly upset with me if I did this but I don't know which is the best way to go. And I am truly alone. I lost my mother and both grandparents while going through my split and divorce. I have a sister that wishes for no kids or family life so we aren't close. And when I talked to her of course she said to abort because she thinks children are over-rated anyway. I wish there was a clear answer. If you just need someone to talk to in the same situation I am here. My heart goes out to you and I know that the fact that you are so torn means you are a good mother and want what is best. So, no matter what you decide I am sure it will be what is best for you and your family.


Ethan - July 9

I am also confused and unsure at the moment to give you the backgroud my relationship with my husband of 4 years ended 6 months ago we have since then been on and off trying to make it work for our 2 1/2 year old son only 2 weeks ago I made the final decision that our little boy will be happier if both parents are happy and decided finally that it was not going to work. I then 2 days ago discovered that I am pregnant I was told I was unable to concieve to due medical conditions I have at present so didn't use protection. I imediately decided that my personal circ_mstances were not right to bring a child into and went to my Gp to discus abortion I am booked in for the 20th but think that I will be asked to wait then as I am too early! The more time I have to think about things the more I feel that I can not do it. At this very moment I am back at my dads so that I can get myself back on track and only intend being here for a couple of months and then find myself some where new to live with my little boy, I work full time and my ex is a part time stay at home dad I asked when we seperated that he returns to work full time so that I can finally have the oportunity to raise my little boy and see him grow up as I have missed so much. I am really torn as to what to do I'm not sure I could live with myself if I go through with the abortion but am also concerned about my current situation and raising a baby on my own. Any advise from people who have been in similar situations may help Thanks


Grandpa Viv - July 9

It grieves me that we have come to this. In the last quarter century the religious right has managed to make abortion a traumatic experience, working through the schools and with protests against Roe v. Wade. I occasionally do escort duty at a womens' clinic, not because I think abortion is cool, but because I feel women should not be made to feel even more guilty as they confront the difficult choices of life. In parts of the underdeveloped world, one of every five born alive children dies before the age of six. Would that organized religion try to fill pews by focusing instead on this problem. Courage, friends! Do what you must with a clear conscience!



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