To Let Him See The Baby Or Not Sorry So Long

2 Replies
stephenmom - June 30

met him at a bar., two weeks before school was to start in 05. He tried to pick me up I said I was a virgin and not interested in one night stands. He laughed it off. We ran into each other again, my mom loved singing karaoke there. We talked and laughed. We ended up making out three months late. I then asked him to my works x-mass party. My company paid for a hotel room and that is where I lost my virginity to him. We then would fight and make up, mostly make out. We laughed, in June we attended my cousins wedding in vegas and joked that we should get married too. He told me I was the best thing that ever happen to him...but then why why did he do it!! In August he was taking a marine biology class where he was to camp by the ocean for two weeks. I missed him terrible when he was gone, and he said he felt the same way. The weekend after he came back we went camping with some friends. His best friend was mad at him for something, (at the time I didnt know what it was but later found out that he had cheated on me during the trip and his friend said I didn't deserve that) well I don't know if it was because what his friend said or because he was really drunk, I don't know I feel like I have to justify it somehow because I LOVED HIM SO MUCH. anyway after his friend and him had that conversation, he came into our tent, and started kissing me, I told him I was tired, he said he would do all the work. I laughed and said fine. He started he turned me over and I thought he was going for doggie style not my favorite but...then this cold feeling came over me...I knew I knew...but I did nothing. we had always discussed everything and he KNEW I HATED ANNAL SEX I THOUGHT IT WAS WRONG AND DISGUSTING. I said no…I cried please don’t, he told me to relax that I never tried it so how could I know…please don’t but he did..I cried in pain in humiliation. After, he said he was so sorry that he didn't think it would hurt so badly and swore never to do it again. I wanted to believe him. I did believe him...big mistake. A month later and he started school again. This night, my therapist says I will remember when my body is ready it terrifies me that I can't remember everything, I dream it and I know its coming I know it is but I am helpless I am stupid. I usually have a photographic memory so not to remember what happen kills me. Friday Septembers 22, 06 we decided to go to the bar where we met, which happen to be around the corner from his house. We got smashed...we were walking back towards his house and started making out as we went. For about a year I couldn't remember anything else...the next thing I remember was waking up in my bed at my house. And feeling empty. But then he called me up and acted like nothing had happen and we went on...two months later I ended up pregnant. He told me to have an abortion. I told him I couldn't. He then stopped talking to me all together. I was devastated for awhile. Hormonal and a bit nuts. Then I had a son a beautiful baby boy. The real love of my life. When he found out I had a son, he wanted to see his son, but had so much hatred towards me for having the baby but still wanted to see makes no sense to me. Anyways I didn't stop him from seeing his son. He saw him about 6 times, on the sixth visit something got into his head that he wasn't bonding with the baby because I was always there, so he wanted to take the baby into a room so I couldn't see them but he wanted me there just in case. Well my son cried and cried not wanting anything to do with him. (my son was 10 weeks old at the time) At first my ex kept bring him back to me but then he got mad and put my baby up to his face and YELL at him to STOP CRYING. I became anger took my baby and left. Told my friends about it, and called him up and told him off. That Saturday night my ex got really drunk, September 22, 07 called me up and said "You know you wanted it" That was it...I don't know why to this day why he said only that but I just threw the phone across the room and started sobbing...I remembered...not everything but somethings... On Sept 22, 06 we were walking back to his house, we were making out it was so nice, we got to his house, we started what I thought would be making love...but then the cold feeling came back the fear the hatred please don't you promised you wouldn't...he says something back I can't remember I am so cold I hate him I hate him so much...why why did he do it please someone explain to me why. Why did he need to have annal s_x with me. Why cant I remember why did I block it out. He hasn't seen his son since. He asked to see him again in Apirl, I didn't answer but my mom did and asked him about those two nights and he said they happened but it wasnt rape...because he swears I didn't say no the second night. But he said I was sobbing uncontrollable. But none of that matters now all he cares about is seeing his son. She told him when pigs fly he said he is going to court to get visitation. I can't I can't have him back in my life...I am so lost I don't know what to do. There are days when I fear for my son’s life because of him. I want nothing to do with him but everyone tells me that is impossible.


mommamare - July 1

I am so sorry for what happened to you. While I have never had a situation like yours, you sound like you really need someone to talk to. You mentioned that you saw a therapist, and I think you should continue to do so, especially if you have a custody/visitation war under way. I don't know what the time limit is for rape, but it might be seven years, and so I think the first thing you should do is file at the police station even though it has been a while, next you should file an order for protection against him, make sure you factual evidence that he is or could be a threat to you and your son. Then if he takes you to court for visitation, all of this will be on record and will be very hard to explain away. A custody study will most likely be done whether it is just for visitation or not and you will both be a__signed a guardian ad litem. This person will evaluate both of you and your residences and watch how you interact with your son (respectively). If they do not see it is necessary to block visitation from your ex, you could request they have progressive visitation schedule where his visits with your son will be monitered and reported back to the courts and then it just kind of goes step by step from there. It is ultimately up to the courts, but if they don't see a reason to terminate any visitation rights for your ex, then your best bet is to have pick up and drop off somewhere public and try not to use the little one as a pawn, it can have devistating effects on a child. I hope this helps, because I have gone through a custody battle before and we won. This is not even the half of what would really happen, but it would be too long to type! Oh, try and record and keep track of every interaction with your ex, whether phone or in person or with your son, it could really help in court. Best of luck!!!


flowergirls - July 2

Are you in therapy on a very very regular basis...? I am sorry but you sound like you really need some professional help to work through all this. It sounds like you are traumatized about something even more than what has been written. Hopefully your mom too can work this all out with you. This is a very complicated matter and once you sort it out you can start to think about other things like your son visiting his father. Do you have contact with his parents? Do they know? i am sorry, good luck!



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