Very Confused Of What To Do

17 Replies - February 25

I'm having a bit of a problem here...I'm 19 and I just had my son 7 wks. ago and his father is not in his life or mine, he hasn't been in my life since I was 4 months pregnant basically b/c of his girlfriend. I know he wants a part in his kids life, but I just don't think I can do it with her around. He is in jail right now b/c of dealing crack-cocaine and it just breaks my heart that my son has to grow up without a father. I've thought about going to visit him several times, but then again I don't think I can get the courage to do it. I just think he has a right to know that he has a son. He still wanted to be apart of mine and my baby's life, but I couldn't do it with his girl around. I don't know if I should try to contact him or not? I can't stop thinkin about this and I don't knw what to do....I look at my son and all I see is his father.


maren - February 25

well if he wants to see his son he can also take the steps to see him. However i would not let him see your son with out supervision, well at least that is how i feel i would be uncomfortable leaving my child alone with a crack dealer. If he has a problem with supervised visits then you will probably have to go to court but im positive that they would suport the supervised visits i wish you the best of luck and congradulations on a healthy baby boy!!!


to Jamikal - February 25

It depends on what type of father figure you want your son to be around. Your ex went to jail b/c of drug dealing. I think if you let your child around this criminal he will think its ok to live his life in an illegal way. You want to give your child normal happy upbringing with stable parents. If your ex truly wanted to be in your son's life he would have stopped selling drugs and straighten out his life. Just think about whats best for you and your child. Sometimes in a child's life its best to have no father around than a deadbeat one. Good luck with your decision


Ramona - February 25

I noticed that your son is mixed. It will be much harder if he doesn't know his father. There are stark cultural differences between blacks and whites in the US. It sounds like you still have feelings for him otherwise you wouldn't care if he had another girlfriend. You've got to somehow deal with getting over him in the meantime. Why don't you just contact him and get it over with. You won't have resolution until you do. - February 26

The thing is, is that him and his g/f have been on-again off-again for almost 3 years and when I was with him they weren't together. I do have feelings for him just for the fact that he's the father of my baby, otherwise I could careless about him.


mama3 - February 26

I do agree with the what the other women said. One thing you can do for your son is if you have a picture of him. Put that in a box with his name and maybe a brief discription of him, of course nothing bad. What he thinks of his dad should be up to him when he's old enough understand. My mom did that for me. My Bio-Father was a drunk and even when I went to see him when I was 18 he was still that way. My mom left it up to me to decide what kind of person I thought he was. I had a great father growing up till he past away. Wether or not you have a dad figure around doesnt really matter. As long as he has a mom who loves him and is willing to do what ever she can to make her baby happy and healthy. Which it sounds like he has a mom like that. I guess hun do what you think is best. An sadly that just might be for him to know he has a dad but it just isnt possible for him to be in his life right now. Good luck to you and Congrats on the new baby boy.


jg - February 26

I would write to him and tell him that you think it is important that he be part of his childs life and to contact you to make arrangements when he can. Even if he doesn't respond, kaap a copy of the letter so that if your child ever asks, you can tell then that you kept the lines open for your childs father to contact you to visit your child. I would never bad-mouth the father to your child, let your child make his own mind up about his dad. I think if I was in your situation I would probably not want my child to have anything to do with its dad, but then again it's not about you is it, it's about your child, and you may need to put your feelings about his girlfriend aside, hard though it is. - February 27

That is one thing I wanna do. I just wanna tell him that he has a son b/c I stopped talkin to him before I found out what I was having. The only problem about that is, is he's in jail and I'm not sure how to get his address. I'm not tryin to get back with him or anything. I just want him to know that he does have a child. - March 1

Well I ended up writing my baby's father.....I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but in my opinion I think he has a right to know that he does have a son. Of course, when he does get out and if he still hasn't changed, there is no way that he is gonna see my son. I'm the one that stopped talkin to him, I'm the one that changed my number. The least I can do is just tell him he has a son and if he doesn't change he's never gonna see him. - March 8

Well, I just got a letter back from my baby's dad telling me how he never meant to hurt me and how he wishes he was home so he can see his son and how much he loves me and wants to be with me. He wants to work out the problems between us, but he says he loves his girl b/c she's the only one there for him right now and she makes sure that he has money all the time and she visits him all the time, but then again he tells me he loves me b/c im the mother of his son. I'm just really confused....


yungmama - March 8

If I were you I wouldn't even think of going back to him. If he loves his gf b/c she is there for him and gives him money then that is fine. But you just wanted to let him know that he has a son and he needs to straighten up to see him. Let him know you want him to be in your son's life not yours. I don't think there is too much to be confused about. I know it is not easy but if he wants to be in his son's life, that is all you wanted to know right? - March 9

Yeah, b/c I originally wrote him to tell him that he has a son, which he apparently already knew b/c he was lookin in the newspaper everysingle day to see if I had my baby and he said he called my house one day and my dad told him I was in the hospital and thats how he knew I had my baby. He was also talkin about how he had his boy write me a letter b/c he was to afraid that I wouldn't read his, which I never received, and he said he called after I had the baby but someone hung up on him. My parents dont like him so if he called they would of hung up on him. When he wrote back I was expecting him to just accept that fact that yeah he is the father and yeah he will try to be there for him. I wasn't expecting him to be like I love you, I wanna be with you, I miss you, and blah blah blah. I think I'm just confused b/c him writing that letter, just makes me want to be with him even more. I still have feelings for him and I love him b/c he is my baby's dad.


yungmama - March 9

I thought you said that you didn't have any feelings for him except for the fact that he is your baby's father. If you do that is understandable, but you deserve better and hopefully you will soon see that. As much as he may say that he is changed etc. I would not take any chances until he is out of jail and proving to you that he wants to lead a better life. - March 10

I may have feelings for him and I may love him but I know if he doesnt change I dont want anything to do with him. When he does get outta jail, I do want him to see his son at least once. B/c who knows, he might change just by seeing his son for the first time. But I won't know until that day comes


jg - March 13

What your baby father is telling you, is "I've got a girlfriend now and she gives me money and everything i need, but when I get out of jail I'l come back to you". Where's the love??? He is obviously a user and will use you!!!! Value yourself more than that. You need a man who LOVES you not who is going to use you. Yes he has a right to see his son and even to develop a relationship with him, but you deserve more than a relationship with a user. - March 14

I've got another problem...In one of the letters he wrote me he told me that before I had my baby he wrote me and even called me, which I never even knew. I just found out from my uncle that my parents were taking his letters, hiding them on me and reading them. I still live with my parents until I get enough money to get out of here. It hurts me that they would open my personal mail and read them. They have no right to do that b/c its my business, my problem, not theres! They don't understand that he has a right to see his own son. I'm not gonna keep my son from his bilogical father. He actually wants to be there for his son and accept responsibility, and thats very rare for guys to do that. My parents don't understand my situation and they never will b/c they've never been in my situation. They think just b/c I want my son to see his father means I have to get back together with him, which is not true. It just p__ses me off and hurts me that they would invade my personal space like that. I'm almost 20, I have a baby and I have a family of my own now and my parents are doing this c___p to me.


krc - March 14

well i think.. your almost 20 but not yet...your still young and your ex is in jail for selling crack !! You are also still living at home which means that in your parents house they have a right to do whatever they want..even if it means invading your privacy. Yes it sucks but in their eyes your still their baby and they know you better than you think they do. You will realize this when your baby is older and that is probably why they keep those letters from you because they know he is a loser and they are trying to protect you from him. So he says he wants to be a part of his life. Fine..great !!! They all SAY that but actions speak louder than words, And they say anything when they're locked up !!!! You should move on with your life and raise that baby. When he gets out of jail if he wants to see his son than let him. You dont need in your life all the time, your son will know who his father is. Let this guy show you he is a man of his word.



You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!

Already a member?
Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?