What S Your Thoughts

5 Replies
Andi - May 2

Here's my situation: I'm 6 months pregnant with my boyfriends baby, this will be our first child. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years, everything had been great for sometime, but I caught him cheating. Not with my own eyes, but many things lead up to him doing this behind my back. This weekend everything came out. I know he knew it was going to eventually come out and I think he tried his best to hide it, well this other girl that he's been cheating with got into contact with me and told me everything, although she was very rude to me and did her best to hurt my feelings with what she said. I confronted my boyfriend about his, he knew she was trying to get into contact with me, so he expected it. I told him he HAS to come clean and be honest and he did. I asked him a million questions and he answered them. It turned out that he was having s_x with this other girl while him and I were either broken up or fighting. I believe he led her to believe that she was his girlfriend and I was upset with him for allowing some woman to think that. There are ways to let a person know that you are not in a relationship with them, and I tried to explain this to him. Anyways, I've decided to stay with him (I know, I should have left him, but I want to give him this opportunity to show me he really is sorry and that it won't happen again) I told him that he has to earn my trust back and that how am I ever to trust him when him and I get into a fight, that he won't run off to her or someone else? He didn't answer, but I believe doing that is so wrong! No matter how big the fight is. I've never done that to him, when I'm mad at him, I just try to occupy my mind with friends or something else innocent. Anyways, my problem is this, I haven't yet mentioned this to him, but I plan to. Because of what happened with this other girl, I don't feel comfortable at all with him having any sort of contact with her. I don't trust him having a "friendship" with her, because I already tried to trust him with that and obviously it didn't work. I don't want him talking with her anymore because I'm afraid that she's going to string him in again or he'll continue to allow her to believe that they are still together. I want him to tell her straight up that NOTHING is going to happen between the two of them and that he can no longer be in contact with her. I want to tell him that if he wants me in his life then he cannot have her in his life because as long as she's around, she'll always try to be with him and treaten my relationship with him. She brings a lot of stress into my life and yes, I do have to admit so does he because he's the core of the problem, but I'm not sure if I have a right to say this, or demand this? I simply want to say "This is how it's got to be, if you want to continue to have a relationship with me then you have to eliminate her from your life. If you want to continue to have her some how apart of your life, then I cannot be apart of yours, you cannot have anything to do with me, and I will have to say goodbye" Do I have a right to ask this? I feel like I do only because he betrayed my trust. It's not like I'm asking him to rid someone I simply do not like or don't approve of, it's because he cheated on me with her for a VERY long time. I don't know what to do.


Re: Andi - May 4

Hey Andi, Personally, I think you should get rid of the loser and find someone who truly loves you.... but you've already said you're willing to give him another shot. That being said, I think you have every right in the world to ask him to do or not do anything you don't feel comfortable with. If he started doing heavy drugs and you weren't comfortable with that, would you feel that you had the right to ask him to stop? S_x and drugs are not that far apart - both additictions, both potentially fatal (catch a disease, overdose, etc). So... in my book, you have every right to tell him he must go and tell her he can no longer be in any communication with her whatsoever. More importantly, he should tell her that he really loves you and wants to give you everything, and that means never seeing or contacting her again. And that's it. If he's unwilling to do that, then he's unwilling to remain faithful to you and you're better off with someone esle.


Andi - May 4

Thank you, I agree with you 100% and you're right, if he's not willing to respect my feelings about this, then he's probably not going to be faithful to me. I'm going to have a talk with him today, and I'm going to mention what I need from him and I'm going to make it clear that if he doesn't do what I need to feel comfortable, then I must go. Thanks again, I just wanted to be sure that I had a right to request this no-communication and contact issue.


Re: Andi - May 4

Good for you! Good luck talking to him tonight!


mari - May 4

this guy is an idoit, who does he think he is? if i was u i would walk away lose contact, you are having his child so he will always remain in ur life, but would if that other girl is sleeping w/ other people that is putting u and the baby at risk of disease. don't lay nothing down say goodbye concentrate on u and your child. dont worry about finding another guy, just take it easy make him want you


... - May 4




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