What Would You Do -pg116995270678

14 Replies
mommybabyboy21 - January 27

This is really really long so bear with me. Ok, I got pregnant by a guy who is a profesional student, he has been in college for 8 years now and says he only has 10 more years left to go. Anyways, I was on birthcontroll, I swear I took it most faithfully, but somehow I ended up pregnant by this wonderful 27 yrs child. And he is, and I knew he was but he was also fun. Anyways, I told him I was pregnant, and I didn't expect him to drop out of school, just support me emotional and phsyical. He told me to get rid of the baby and if I did he would marry me and we could have children after he finishes school. I told him I couldn't kill a life, and I did everything to make sure I didn't get pregnant but if a life started then it was gods will. He told me he would see the child whenever he wanted but wouldn't pay me a cent and he wanted nothing to do with me. But I better let him name the baby and the baby will have his last name, etc. Basically he wants me to allow him to play daddy with none of the responisblities. That was several months ago. After that he changed his number and basically avoided me at all cost. Then over last weekend I posted on myspace that I had to get an amnio because of some discoveres they made on my ultrasound, one being the baby has a club foot. I knew that the father had a club foot so I jokingly put I have to get stab with a freakin needle because of my baby's club foot its all the fathers fault. Now one the father is not on my friends list this was a bullitin, so I don't know how he read it but he did and got offended and sad to the point where his best friend called me up and told me that the father hadn't contacted me in over three months how dare I say anything about him, and then used alot of profanity and said I screwed his friend over for getting pregnant and I better leave him the F**** alone, its not his friends fault that I have to go through this pregnancy and there is nothing wrong with his friends genes. Well also, last weekend, a really good friend of mine (we will call him Mr. X), who knows the situation, and he was adobted and adores his adobted father, said that since I didn't know what to do, why wouldn't I put Mr. X on the birth certificate as the father. Now Mr. X is very well off, umm he owns his own business that makes a few million a year, he owns his own plane, etc. I know that Mr. X likes me but I don't feel the same way towards him. I like him but only as a friend. So what should I do? The father of the baby doesn't seem like he will be there, this guy has never had a job, when his friend called me, I ended up breaking down and sending my ex an private message on myspace, (because my ex changed his number and I can't call him) Asking him if he really didn't want to be there for his son anymore, the father hasn't responded. And now I have Mr. X asking to be on the birth certificate. I don't know what to do? I don't want Mr. X to be put on the birth certificate just because of his money, though that would really help me out, since I am barely making ends meet right now and the baby is still in the oven. But then I don't know if I want Mr. X to be in my life that way, plus what if Mr X meets someone, what if I meet someone, its kind of wierd to explain. I don't know any advice would be nice. PLEASE PLEASE DONT BE MEAN, YOU CAN STATE YOUR OPIONO BUT PLEASE BE NICE ABOUT IT, SOME OF THE RESPONDS TO THESE POST HAVE BEEN REALLY UPSETTING TO ME!!!


mommybabyboy21 - January 27

by the way thanks for reading this all the way through


fist_time_mommy - January 27

As far as putting someone else's name on the birth certificate that is not the father, you may want to rethink that, only because that may create problems for you in the future. For example, what would you do if the bio-dad decides to have some sort of relationship with the child, and contests paternity. He to can order a paternity, to my knowledge, and depending on the age of the child if and when this occurs it could be traumatic. If you are interested in this other man playing a fatherly role, you may want to think about the bio-dad terminating his rights to the child, and this other person adopting the child; therefore you would avoid the above situation from happeining in the future (hopefully). It sounds like you have a complicated situation. I truley understand your feeling of not having anyone to talk to and feeling like the people you can talk to are sick of hearing you. There is no easy answer in this, I hope your situation gets better, and what I tell myself is, that when the baby gets here it will be worth it. I mean it will be crazy a baby and all, but at least for me, no matter how crazy my decision was to keep this child, making the decision to not keep the child was one I could not live with. This decision, I can live with, even if its going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. Hang in there, and I hope things work out for you :) BTW count your blessings, at least you have someone who is willing to play a father's role. I know that is hard especially if you don't have feelings for him, but at least you have someone who is willing to help you and your child :)


mommybabyboy21 - January 27

Mr X says that if I put him on the birth certificate he was going to have his lawyers make it a legal adoption. So He would legally be the baby's father. And I have tryied to get my ex to sign over his rights, but my ex won't respond in anyway except it seems to stalk me since he somehow got on myspace and knows alot more about me than I thought. But if I try to confort him...he doesn't respond. He is acting really really childish and driving me nuts to the point were I had to deciede just to leave the father space blank...that was until Mr. X spoke up. Now I am confused and would like answers that I don't think I am going to get. The fathers mother contactedme and said she knows her son is acting childish and gave me the whole line that girls maturer faster, and she is holding out hope that when I have this child her son will somehow grow up and take responiblitiy and until then I should pine after her son and wait for him to grow up. She has even stalked me, but literally, like showing up at my amnio. Where as the father just reads my myspace and gives our mutal friends the third degree if he knows they have seen me.


lunamoo - January 28

What you wrote on your myspace was flat out CRUEL! Making a jab at someone's "handicap" is utterly mean, so no wonder he is upset! Can you imagine if your child reads that someday!?! Anyway, I hope you can take this as positive critisism...You got pregnant and decdided to have this baby and I think it would be wrong to put Mr. X as father simply for his financial stability, ESPECIALLY since he obviously sees this as much more. Plus you know who the father is and you slept with him and you got pregnant by him, so....he goes on the birth certificate as father. It really is that simple. Also your story is obviously your side of it. There are always 2 sides to a story, and bashing your ex and his mother isn't really the point here is it. It doesn't make you look better. It seems that your mother in law probably has a sincere interest in her grandchild (is this her first?) Try to be civil with her and hope she is right when she says that her son needs to grow up and hopefully he will soon. Good luck!


mommybabyboy21 - January 28

My ex hasn't contacted me directly since the day he found out I was pregnant. Through his friends and mother I get reports that he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. He says really horrible things about me that aren't true...even if mr x never offered to be the father. I wasn't going to put the father down on the birth certificate. I personally want nothing more to do with the father and i thought he felt the same way...since he avoids me at all cost and didn't even want to answer a simple medical question I needed answer for his child. He has no doubts in his mind that this child is his. Yet he won't even help out by answering one simple question, so how can I see him helping any other way. I am not really asking about the father...I just wanted to know about Mr X. He is the one I am confused about. And ok the bullitin wasn't the smartest thing but it basically told everyone how my ultrasound went and then because my friends know how much I hate needles I made a joke that I had to get stab with one and it was the fathers fault. And I DO NOT SEE THAT MY BABY HAS A HANDICAP BECAUSE OF A CLUB FOOT. I have done research on this, its a genetica defect that with therapy by the time he is two no one will notice. Like an extra toe that makes a kid walk funny. It isn't that big of a deal.


kristina1980 - January 28

Hey, that's an interesting story. Try not to act from anger. looks like the bio dad is a jerk and he doesn't care at all. If there is a man, who would love you, and your child, and support you, i would probably give it a try. You can't be selfish and think of yourself and your emotions. The baby needs both parents, and yes money too. If the biodad don't want to be dad, why not let somebody else play the important role. i like the idea of adoption from mr.x too. i don't know, I would go for Mr. Ex. And please do nOT listen to anybody's mom. they will take always their kids side no matter how wrong they are. And if somebody is 8 years in college and planning to be there next 10 years, Excuse that'st he most selfish person. I am in college to, but I am going to take a break so I can be a good mom, because i want the child I am expecting. Even though getting degree is probably the next important thing. You should probably write pro's and con's and see what outweights. good luck


mommybabyboy21 - February 6

update: the bio dad has said he wants nothing to do with me or the baby...as for mr. x...he has been really sweet and nice about waiting for my deciecion. while I am still debating about him being the father. I like him, but he is also 20 years older than I am and I know he thinks this may be his ownly opportunity since he just turn 43 not that a man that old can't have his own child...but there are other complexcations. Mostly I am upset right now over the bio dad...I can't believe I ever loved someone so selfish...I didn't want him to want me anymore but to say that he doesn't want his son...I mean this weekend I was babysitting a close friends of mines son (we will call him LM)...he is 9...anyways LM found my drawer full of pictures and memory stuff of me and the bio dad...he asked me who that was and I explained that that was the man who got me pregnant...he asked since we weren't together would the bio dad see the baby...I told him I didn't know...then he asked would the bio dad pay for the baby...I said that the bio dad didn't have any money because he is still in school...so then LM gave me his allowence and told me that he would help support the baby and he was going to get a job after school too. I started crying thinking here LM was more responisble then the bio dad. Ok I just had to share that. :)


BklynMama - February 7

Aww that was so sweet of LM.... Anyway, screw the bio dad! he said he did not want anything to do with the child & you knew that since you told him you were pregnant. Do not put his name on the birth certificate, and i dont think you should put Mr X on the birth certificate either. I feel that if you guys were romantically involved & were like going to get married or something then it would be okay to put him on the birth certificate, but your not, You guys are just friends. I think that would just cause more problems for you in the future. Why does there need to be a fathers name on the certificate anyway? Leave it blank. If Mr X wants to help you with your child, then by all means accept the help, but let him know how you feel about him. Dont lead him on just because he has money. In the meantime....after the baby is born take the bio father for child support. But remember....he did say he DID NOT want the child, keep that in mind....However, you did not get pregnant by yourself! I hope everything works out for you!


mommybabyboy21 - February 7

Thanks BklynMama, I probably will just let Mr. X help me out and put father unknown...Beside I guess I should confess this now Mr. X is my boss. I am his personal a__sistant. So talk about being really wierd. What is interesting is the bio dad used to always be jelous of my boss, and I kept tell the bio dad when we were together he had nothing to worry about Mr X doesn't like me that way...I guess I was blind and the bio dad could tell.


snugglez - February 7

men can always tell because a man knows men, my ex taught me that.


AbbiesMummyEm - February 8

Oh hun :( Well to be honest I think putting Mr Xs name would be a bad idea. I know he may want to, but it could cause problems in the future. And if he wants to help out, he still can, he doesnt have to have his name on a certificate to be able to do that. As for the bio dad... I suppose theres nothing really you can do there, but I would enquire about how you can go about claiming child support for sure! Even if he's in college he'll have to do something. And what the hell is he doing in college for all that time???!!! He needs to get a job! With his plans and dreams, he should have thought about it before he had s_x with you, I'm sure if he's so professional then he would have realised s_x=babies. I hate it how some blokes can just walk away from the responsibility without a second thought. Its disgusting. My ex threw me out when I was 3 months preg. He doesnt want to even see his daughter. I'm with someone else now who is great with her and loves her to bits, but you can bet your a__s I still take the tosser for child support! Although what it is hardly seems worth it!


snugglez - February 8

Ok this has been bugging since you posted. Mommybabybooy21, You did hurt my feelings when you posted on my thread. You made me seem like I was a total loss cause or like you were so fed up with my story. I still thank you for your comment because I take all comments into consideration. I just thought I mention this because at the end of your own thread you asked people to be nice about what they had to say. I thought I was being extra sensetive so i read your comment to my friend and she had this look of shock on her face.I could still be too sensetive. It's not the words you use but how you use them or say them that caan hurt someone's feelings. I had already put myself down in my post and i felt like you just added some salt to the wound. Thank you though, I guess i had to just see how horrible a person I really am.


jessicaspatherapist - February 9

mommybabyboy....please don't put another person's name on the birth certificate. do not lie to your child and to the world about his origins. down the road if mr.x wants to adopt your son that would be wonderul (i was adopted by my stepdad when i was 5) however starting his life off with a lie will only hurt him in the long run and you don't want to give him any reasons to resent you when he's older. hang in there......i comment you for keeping your baby and loving him so much.


ashley613 - February 10

Leave Mr. X off the birth cert. You don't love him and that will not change. You can do this w/o a man. It will be tough but, I am sure you have friends and family to support you.



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