Why Are Men Such Jerks

12 Replies
amandaincali - May 29

I am 4 1/2 months pregnant and as I sit here in tears, I am in desperate need of emotional support. I about 99% sure that the father will not be involved in my baby's life and it's a hard fact to come to terms with. I keep repeating one of his comments in my head over and over again and it just hurts so bad. I asked him if he was going to be involved in the baby's life and he stated, "well if I have to pay child support than yeah, because I am going to get my moneys worth." As if the baby were something you purchase in the store...when I asked him if he cared to be in the baby's life if I didn't ask for child support and he said no and that he was upset by the fact that he didn't get a choice in me having an abortion or not. He also stated that because I did have that option and was choosing to instead have the baby, that I would be getting no sympathy from him for the things I would have to go through physically and emotionally from the pregnancy. This is coming from the same person whose dad told him that he should just pay support and not have anything to do with the baby, I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I mean, is this someone that I really want to be an influencing factor in my child's life anyways? Does he even deserve any of the love that this baby will offer? Should I fight for him to be involved? I have a 5 year old son who's father is very involved in his life...we share custody and my son absolutely adores him..what do I tell my new baby when he sees his big brother going to visit his father and wonders where his daddy is and why he doesn't pick him up or visit?? I just don't know what to do....how did I get myself into such a mess?!

 

scarednlonely - May 29

OMG OMG that is basically my story and my ex says the same thing about getting what be pays for. I have a 5 year old daughter. I am wondering the same about my baby when my daughter sees her father I so know where you are coming from you are living my life so weird. Where abouts are you located and what is your age.

 

amandaincali - May 29

I am from Sacramento, California and I am 30 years old. I cannot believe I am 30 years old and I got myself into this situation...I always thought I was a better judge of character and smarter than this but now I realize that I have just been extremely lucky in the past...what about yourself? Where are you from and how old are you? How many children do you have??

 

scarednlonely - May 29

I'm from Sydney Australia. I'm 25 and only have my daughter but I am 22 weeks pregnant. I too don't like the way my life has turned out and I feel like I too am a bad judge on men but when it comes doen to it they left us so they are the ones that made judgement my fiancé left me 2 days before our wedding which was surposed to be a month ago the baby was planned but he started treating me like c___p anyways after he dumped me he kicked me out but it's his loss. Im worried cause in Australia our court system is made up of men and women are losing full custody of their children so I feel I have no hope if he tries to get the baby.

 

scarednlonely - May 29

How old is he? I plan to make my time with the baby alone very special when my daughter goes to her fathers house. My daughter is seeing that the baby won't have a father be she is saying she too wants to have no father also. I think she feels sorry for the baby cause she knows it will miss out she is very cute and says we don't need dads we can have our own family just you me and the baby. She now refuses to see her father I do feel sorry that she feels that way

 

amandaincali - May 29

My ex is 30 but acts like he's 18..I wish my new baby was going to be a girl because I think it would be easier to explain to a girl, I feel like a little boy needs a daddy and my little guy just isn't going to have that. It's so easy for guys just to walk away because they don't have to go through all the physical and emotional things that we have to go through during pregnancy. From the beginning, it's real for us, we have to change our lifestyles, go to doctor's appts, our bodies change but for guys, they can just go on with their lives as normal, out of sight, out of mind. It's just not fair. I'm not worried about him ever getting custody though, I am financially stable, I'm extremely responsible and a good mother and he's a total loser that doesn't know the first thing about raising a child...plus, I work in the legal field and have tons of lawyer friends to give me lots of legal advise and he's a painter that is laid off half the time and he rents a tiny room with friends...not suitable for a baby and any judge would see that...

 

scarednlonely - May 29

Your very lucky that your court system is fair it is becoming a rising problem in Australia and women are on protests and trying to change the law it becoming a huge problem for Australia women. I met a woman the other day and her daughter is being raped by the father and they gave full custody over to the father. She is a lovely woman and basically once they have ruled who has custody over here you can never apply for custody again it's all over. Do you know what you are having?

 

amandaincali - May 29

I'm having a little boy and I'm trying so hard to just be happy about the baby but in my current situation it's just becoming harder and harder.. in the US, it's all about "the best interest of the child." So, the courts look to see which parent would take care of the child the best, which will provide a loving, nurturing, stable home and that is who they usually give custody to...the courts used to favor the mother when it came to custody but that is slowing starting to change...so do you think the father of your baby will try to get custody??

 

scarednlonely - May 29

I'm not sure what will happen I have not really talked to him he says that he will walk away and not see the baby but he changes his mind about everything. I find it hard to deal with also but I guess it's all the hormones. I have had depression and have anxiety attacks all the time. But I'm sure it's all the hormones making feel this way. How long have you been a part from your ex?

 

amandaincali - May 29

The thing with my ex is that he was a summer fling..we were together for a couple of months last summer, we broke up and then attempted to reconcile in January, however we didn't even get back together. Unfortunately, I ended up getting pregnant and now here I am..he already had a new girlfriend by the time I found out I was pregnant. At the beginning he was really back and forth, one minute he was asking if there was a chance for us to get back together and the next he was telling me to get an abortion. However, now he's chosen the latter road to continue down. He's extremely co-dependent and always needs to have a girlfriend so I just think that he was trying to secure me as a back-up girl in case his girlfriend broke up with him after he told her. His girlfriend didn't break up with him so now he doesn't need me so he's being a complete a**hole about everything...

 

scarednlonely - May 29

Well really that is lucky for you. You don't want to be stuck with a loser like that. You deserve better

 

Dee0401 - July 11

Honestly he sounds like a big douchebag!! And ask yourself this?...is this the father figure you want for your child?? No!! I know children need a father in their life but sometimes they are better off without them if they are going to up bring them with this sort of mentality...Kudos to you for not getting the abortion. Last time I checked it takes TWO people to get pregnant and I am pretty sure he knows how getting pregnant works. If someone doesn't love you is one thing but a person that won't love his own child is a pathetic individual...You are sooo better off without him...you can do it...whatever doesn't kill you will only make you that much stronger..and you need to be as strong as possible for your baby. :)

 

jessica0775 - August 13

I feel your pain...My husband left me in February and we were still getting together. Now, I'm 20 weeks pregnant. He is already dating somebody & I don't even know if he told her I was pregnant. I feel I deserve better anyway.

 

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