Why Us

10 Replies
Pennie - May 24

Hi. I am 11 weeks pregnant. The father of my baby is no longer around. I had to ask him to leave after living w/me for 3 months he went through 3 jobs and only worked a total of 7 days. Plus he was fresh out of prison and hated living in the town we were in and just was never happy. We fought a lot and he just didn't seem to want to try. Anyways... I still tallk to him and came to find out last night that he has moved in w/his best friends sister. Now the guy still does not have a job and this was the only place he "says" he could stay or else he'd be out on the street. I guess that wouldn't be so bad but I know they have kissed in the past and she has a thing for him. I know he is still going out drinking and I just wait for the call that says he came home drunk one weekend night and screwed her or something along that line. He says he loves me and has no interest in her, but I don't really believe him. Because he kept bringing up the point that we are just "friends" till he comes back. I am also angry because I supported the man for 3 months and now have to go through a very high-risk pregnancy alone. Also I know it sounds horrible but I feel like I am used goods w/baggage and no one is ever going to want me because I have a child w/another man. I feel so depressed and unwanted. I know I should just concentrate on my child and myself but its hard b/c my future seems so bleak. Anyone else?


Tammy - May 24

Face it your EX man's a deadbeat and he is preparing excuses for his eventual-- if it hasn't already happened-- screwing of the best friend's sister. It was probably for the best that you put him out, sounds like he is a moocher. He's moved on to another woman who will allow him to mooch off of her. You were going to have two kids to take care of anyway. Just press on, sounds impossible now, but YOU CAN do this. You've already proven this by putting him out, now just close the door the rest of the way.


sxymama - May 24

dont think of yourself as baggage, you will find someone with a clean criminal record, a good job, and he will love you and your baby completly. I know that its hard, but just try to concentrate on your baby and taking care of yourself. if he really loved you, he would do what he needs to be and be a man and take care of his responsibilities.


Mrs O - May 24

Your not a bad person. You did right by throwing him out. You worry about that baby and yourself. I would start going to church and getting involved with other women in the church. You would be suprised who you can meet at church or thru someone at church. Why is the preg."high risk".?


Pennie - May 24

I pray all the time for god to give me the strength to get through and be strong. I feel odd going to church though because I am not married and pregnant. I ask God a lot to help me protect my baby. I'm high-risk because of an incompetent cervix. I get to go in for my st_tch next week. I lost my 1st one 2 years ago at 5 1/2 months. This should prevent the same reoccurance. I have a doctor that I love and trust to do the best. He is a high risk specialist. Its just a lot and I know in the end its all worth it but right now everything feels so dark. I hate days like this : (


~S~ - May 24

Hey Pennie..I feel like I'm in the same situation as you. Although my "bf" didn't just get out of prison or doesn't have a job, instead he cheated on me for 3yrs without me knowing and had a full out relationship with another woman. It KILLED me to hear him admit that he would introduce this other woman as his "gf" anyways, things are rough with him and I. I don't know if we're still together or not, but I do know this other woman is still in the picture. I too feel soo alone, my future feels very uncertain, I too feel a bit scared that if my relationship cant work out, I won't be able to find another man to love me, becuase who wants a woman who has a child with another man? I'm still young, i'm only 25 and it scares the c___p out of me. Although, my friends tell me that once I have this baby, none of this BS will matter anymore. I too am happy that I have this child, I don't regret it. I too still love the father and wish things can just work out. I pray to God everynight to give me strength and courage to get through all of this. I cry a lot because I'm so hurt by what's happened but I realized that none of this is worth my tears and heartache. I need to start living my life for my child. My baby will be here in 3 months and I have to use that time to get ready to bring my baby into a safe and healthy life. I haven't closed the door on the father, I do want him in my life and my childs life, I do want a relationship with him, but ONLY if he's willing to give it, and to give it to me 100% But what's most important right now is for me to find a "happy place" to get back the ~S~ that I used to know, before all this drama and c___p. I once used to be a very strong woman and very happy, full of life, but now I feel full of darkness and sadness. I need to get rid of that, it doesn't nothing but create more stress. Oh and another thing...even though we both feel that no man will want us or love us because we have "baggage" that's not true. There's so many people out there (both men and woman) who find their love after they've had their child with someone else. If you ex can pull himself together and see this beautiful blessing that is being given to him, then so be it, you'll find someone else that will feel blessed to have you and your baby in their life. The same goes for me. =o) Hang in there, things will work out and once you get to hold our baby for the first time, you'll realize that all your love, happiness and focus will be on that baby. I know a lot of people have said this, but I experienced when my best friend had her baby a week ago and I got to hold her. I felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness and I could only imagine how much stronger that happiness is going to be when I get to hold my own baby. Good luck and stay strong!


Pennie - May 24

Dear ~S~, I am sorry for your situation. My bf hasn't cheated on me yet but I have been cheated on by men in the past. Its a hard hard thing to deal with, trust is such a precious thing. I hope the best for you and your baby. It all just feels unfair that they (the men) get to run and be free and do what ever they wish and we sit here w/our new little lives (babies) and new big lives(ourselfs). I know I want this baby and I know it will be better once I feel more pregnant and feel my little one kick, but right now everyone around me is off drinking and camping and parting and I'm so tired I can't keep my head off the pillow. My baby is my silver lining I just wish he/she were here already. I need to focus beyond myself and him. I'm sorry too for sounding whiney everyone- I hope tomorrow will be better. : ) Oh yeah- when the bf told me last night about the moving in w/the girl I freaked and after I calmed down I told him that I need my space (even though we are 400 miles apart) from him to gain some perspective on being alone. I'd call him when I was ready to talk. Was that a little harsh?


~S~ - May 24

No that was not harsh, NOT AT ALL! What you need to start doing is instead of worrying about his feelings and start worrying about yours and what you need to do to prepare and REpare yourself, for your baby. You shouldn't feel bad, guilty or wonder if your words are harsh, you did not put yourself in your present situation, and you shouldn't have to feel obligated to fix both your situation and his. His actions is what causes your response and he needs to undertstand that and you need to know that you have every right to feel how you feel and react how you've reacted. If he feels like you're being too hard on him, BOO-FREAKIN-HOO! He should have thought twice before putting you into such a tough position. The thing is, I used to feel awful and horribly guilty everytime I got p__sed off at my bf for him doing what he did and for him making me feel how i felt and once he would get upset with me for saying whatever it was I said, I would back down and start to apologize. But what on earth am I apologizing for? for what he's done to me? I came to realize that I alone cannot fix my situation, I can't sit here and worry about his feelings and how my reactions to his wrong doing, is making him feel. It should be the other way around. He should be the one sitting on his a__s worrying about me. Pennie, you need to do whatever it is to get yourself back on your feet and feel strong! Whatever you do, do not worry about his feelings regarding his wrong doings, don't worry if you're being too harsh because in reality, he's the one being harsh by not being there to support you. Stop worrying about him and start worrying about yourself.


Pennie - June 1

Update: Well yesterday I had my cerclage put in. My father took me because I wasn't allowed to drive myself home. He dropped me off and ran around to do some errands. They asked if I wanted to bring anyone in to be with me, but my father had left and of course the dad is gone 400 miles away. At that point and time it really sunk in how alone I really am. I am grateful for my father taking me but its not the same. The nurses were so kind to me though and I got through it all on my own : ) As for the babies father I found out that his best friends sister he was staying w/went nuts on him on Saturday night so now he is moved in w/the best friend (prison cell mate-of course) and is sleeping on his couch. Still no job and seems to have no drive to try and get his life straight. I was getting so fed up w/playing these stupid games with him and I was thinking about changing my phone number but I haven't yet. I feel unfair taking away a child father. Even though I know he should be trying harder and that it is just a baby I just keep thinking that it isn't my choice to decide if our child gets to be connected w/his or her father. Why can't he just be a man and grow up. It all gets very tiring. I presented him w/the idea of giving me sole custody. I told him that than he would be free of child support and other obligations. Maybe than some day someone else could come into our lives (the babies and mine) and adopt us all into one family. At this point and time that feels like wishful thinking. Best wishes to all- Pennie


~S~ - June 10

Hey Pennie, you're doing the right thing and don't ever second guess that. As for keeping him in your baby's life, I do believe that's up to you. If you think that having this BOY in your baby's life will only creat problems for you and your baby and that this guy isn't someone you would like your child to look up to, then don't have him apart of the childs life. Especially if he's not going to take on any responsibilities. But if you think that having him in your babys life will benefit the baby in some way, then keep him. I think what you should do is keep doing what your doing now. Move on with your life WITHOUT him. If the father wants to be apart of your babys life and get real about it, let him first show you. If he proves to you and your satisfied, then allow him back in to the babys life. I don't believe just anyone should have the opportunity to become a huge part of a childs life, I think that person has to earn the right to play a part, especially if it's such an important part like a parent. Children look up to their parents and mimic their lifestyles. The last thing you want is your child to think what his or her father is doing is okay. Besides, children are smart, they can detect when Mommy is hurting and they too become hurt. And if the father doesn't smarten up and you decide to carry on life without him, do not for once think you're the bad parent because you distanced your child from it's dad. You never know, the path your choosing could be the best path for the child. Besides, you might meet someone who will treat you right and love your child. There's so many children out there who are step-children and grow up sooooo healthy and so happy. Heck, I'm one of them. My biological father sounds like the father of your baby. He was a lazy a__s, was mean to my mom, said I wasn't his, and was always into trouble. I can tell you right now that I'm SO GLAD my mother left him and since the day she left him, he's had absolutly nothing to do with my life and I'm thankful for that because I have a stepdad who stepped in and took care of me and raised me to be the person I am today. Good luck Pennie, I think you're making the right decision.


Pennie - June 11

~S~, I want to thank you so much for all the advice and help you have given me. You are a very kind, smart and strong women. I hope things are going better in your end and your standing up for yourself : ) Its hard and not how you picture your life and 1st baby being, but life is life and you've got to live it and be the happiest that you can be. I read a quote the other day that made me think a lot " No one can make you feel inferior unless you allow them too". I pray for the best for my baby and as for the baby's father I can't make him be a father- that is his choice to decide. But I can't let him run me down and cause pain to me and the baby I love so much. Thankyou for all your support and best wishes to you : )



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