18 Wanting But Waiting How Do I Calm The Urge For A Baby

13 Replies
Daphne - April 29

Okay, so I do want a child. I know most of you will say no don't have one yadayada you are young. I know this, and I'm waiting; but, is there anything I can do to get the thoughts of having my own child out of my head. My boyfriend of 2 and a half years agrees that he does want to have children but neither of us is ready now; however, I just can't seem to stop thinking and wanting a child. Does anyone have any advice on how I can just calm the urge until we are ready?

 

? - April 29

You should consider babysitting a baby for long hours so you can get a taste of what it is like to take care of a baby non-stop. And newborns require constant care. Set your alarm at night for every two hours so it will go off. Then when the alarm goes off don't press snooze or off because you can't with a real baby grab a doll and feed it and change it's diaper. Then two hours later your alarm will go off again repeat procedure. This will give you a feel for motherhood.

 

to Daphne - April 29

I'm also eighteen and I had I want a baby syndrome. I ended up pregnant and than questioned how ready I was. I mean before you do think about how stable you are 1. Do you have enough money? 2. can you deal with a crying baby, and gettin' up at the middle of the night? 3. can you deal with body changes? 4. Can you deal with your boyfriend backing out when the pressure hits me ( not saying that, that will happen.. but you never know) 5. you considered an adult but it all falls down on you. Do you live on your own, are you finished with school. You can't make a baby just to make one. They are really needy and very expensive and being pregnant is not even all that fun!!!!

 

Daphne - April 29

I know what it's like to have a baby I have babysat before. I know it takes a lot and I know I'm not ready right now, that's why we are waiting but I still can't help the way my body feels, and the constant thoughts of a child of my own. I know we will not have a child yet and it's saddening but I know I'm not ready but that doesn't help with the thoughts and urges that I want one. And as for waking up in the night, I already wake up in the middle of the night wishing I had a baby that was waking me up and then I get up and walk around a while until I get tired again. I want a baby, but I'm not ready. I'm just looking for ways that I can stop thinking that I want a child so that I'm not bothered by knowing I'm not ready yet.

 

for Daphne - April 29

Hi Daphne, In my opinion, I don't think you're really wishing you had a baby. It sounds to me like you're wishing you had a hobby, or someone/something to love. Get yourself involved! Set your sights on college and get busy. Or pick up a new sport or hobby. Start a business. Adopt a puppy. Anything to keep you busy and occupied. I think it's just your mind playing tricks on you saying "I wish I was older and could do all those things." Start dreaming about the home you'll buy and the nursery you'll build... then find a way to earn the money you need to make those dreams come true (college, grad school, dream job, etc). Best of luck!

 

Daphne - April 29

Hi, I do have my own business, I have two cats (love 'em like crazy, they are my baby boys!), I have love my guy is just awesome, so supportive and great to hang with it. I do want a child but I know that right now it wouldn't be right, partly because I am going to university. I'm not planning a child anytime soon, just needs some ways to stop this constant thinking I want one. I would love to have a child of my own, but with school it's would be hard. I've already planned my wedding and my guy totally agrees but we will not be getting married anytime soon, I want to know I'm doing good in school before all that. But I just need a way to calm the constant urge for a child. I've planned out the nursery and the house I want the best I can without actually going and getting things done. LOL! I don't know. I want a child and it's hard to not have one. I know I can't have one right now, but that doesn't stop the constant urges to have one by my side. I will not be having a child until I'm in university doing what I want and knowing I'm doing that well enough to handle it and a child. First year of university over now... :) Only a few more left, but it doesn't stop the urge to go and have a child now. I just need ways to calm the urge, I'm out of options... planning the nursery didn't help, nothing seems too.

 

for Daphne - April 30

Well....sounds like you've used up all my ideas! :) How about babysitting a lot? Or volunteering at a local Children's hospital?

 

Daphne - April 30

Just to let youknow, I live in a small town so we don't necessarily have a children hospital it's just one tiny run down shack! LOL! Maybe it's not that bad, but it's not like anything in a big city. I don't know. I know I cna't have a kid right now with school and all, but it's just a wish and an urge that won't go away. :(

 

katie - April 30

maybe u cud try turnin your mind to other stuff tht u enjoy and like or maybe u cud go and work with children at the weekends or somethin but your rite it will b better for u to wait cause then you can take care of your baby and support it ans stuff anyways take care xxx katie

 

Daphne - April 30

I could support the baby right now, my boyfriend works and I own my own business so money isn't an issue, I would just prefer to do more with university before deciding to have a kid. I feel it would be better for my education that way.

 

for Daphne - April 30

Not just your education, but your life. Think of it this way - you want to give your child as many experiences as possible. If you're only 18 (not that it's THAT young, but...) you haven't really LIVED yet. I'm 29. I've travelled a bit, owned a company and am starting a second, am finishing up grad school. My husband and I had a beautiful wedding 5 years ago and we own a wonderful home with two adorable puppies. When a child comes, we'll be able to teach it all we've learned in our years since being 18. How about taking the summer to travel? Europe? Asia? Latin America? Go somewhere exciting, take photos, learn the language, and come back knowing that you have so much more to offer a new family member...

 

Daphne - April 30

Hi, I've already travelled so much in my live I don't think you could find many places I haven't been. I've been lucky that way, my father (I live with only my father) gave me so much when I was kid. I have lived a lot in the little time I've been here. I don't think there is much more I can do. I've already got plans for my boyfriend and my wedding. Now, I don't have anything bought yet, but we've planned it out. We have two wonderful cats now, both such sweeties, as mentioned above. We are financially ready for a child but I do want to have more done with university first. I just need a way to get my mind of a child so I can spend more time on study. My first year is over now, and I've got all summer to do stuff, and we've got a lot planned together. We will not be having a child soon unless it's an accident and a condom breaks but that hasn't happend yet and will not happen hopefully. I just want to do more with university first. But I still want a child and those thoughts will not stop.

 

To Daphne - April 30

I don't want to sound b___hy or anything, but you are asking for advice and yet all the advice people have given you...you find ways to prove them wrong. Do you like to go out with your friends? Do you like sleeping in on weekends? Do you like being able to just drop everything to do something else? Do you like just sitting with your bf and watching a movie. Im sure you have to like at least one of those things. A baby would make all of that ALOT harder. Your life won't be all about you any more. I would say get a cat, but since you have two thats already covered. This is going to sound stupid but tret them like babies. Buy them new collars often, get them a cat condo, make sure they have a soft place to sleep etc.

 

Mel - May 13

I know how you are feeling. The best thing to do is just to wait it out, as hard as it is. If you know that you are not ready now, then you are not ready now. I am nineteen, also in a long term relationship, planning on getting married, I am in a secure job/money situation, my boyfriend is as well, but there are still a few things to work out before we actually have a baby. We would like to be married first, and in our case we have a lot of travelling we would like to do first. (We already have a few of those trips planned. :) ) Anyway, what I mean to say is that it is a natural hormonal response to want to have children. That is what keeps the species alive, you know? I have friends who are going through the same thing, and some friends who went through it and the urge pa__sed. In all of their cases the urge was when they were in a stable relationship on its way to marriage or a similar situation, but there were a few factors that just made it not the right time to have a baby. Well, I empathize with you. For now it helps to just remember how much I enjoy my relationship with my boyfriend, knowing that I am happy right now and there is more to come in the future.

 

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