Coping

8 Replies
AddysMummy - November 8

As I stated when I introduced myself, I had a miscarriage not that long ago. I only stopped bleeding about a week ago, once in awhile I get little spots. I don't know how to deal with this, it is tearing me apart. I've read that you get over it eventually, but every day I wake up upset, sad, and my fiance comforts me and says we will try again, but it doesn't make me feel better, I tell him that I want /that/ baby. I just don't understand this anymore. It gets to a point where I see a pregnant woman, maternity clothes store, a new baby, I cry. I can't stop myself anymore. I know I am not alone in this, I just don't know how to cope. Is there any way, any THING I can do that might help me? And how long after a miscarriage should I wait before I try again? My fiance and I have been intimate, when I stopped bleeding, and it is upsetting because I am having the pregnancy symptoms again, but I fear it is because I have such a strong urge to be pregnant again that my stress is causing it. I need a way to calm down, to forgive myself (I blame myself for loosing the baby, even though deep down I know I didn't do anything wrong..) to be able to move on so I can have a better relationship with my fiance, and be happier. There are times during the day when I am 100% fine, for the most part, I want to be like that all day! My fiance worries about me while he is at work, and calls me every second he can (he is a busy man, so I feel guilty.) I just need some positive words on how to COPE with everything, and not be so hard on myself. Any suggestions?

 

kendra.marie - November 8

one thing; if you miscarried & ive been through the same maybe you should instead of a__sume that account was hacked ladies it says in the post! & i mean come on that makes no sense in the post anyways; i have nothing to prove weather you believe me or not. you know nothing about my losses so id appreciate it if you dont cristze me before actually getting to know me! back to your post. im gvery sorry that this happened to you im sorry it happens to everyone. but i have relized god does things for reasons weather they are horrible, bad, okay whatever the case maybe hes making you stronger & what doesnt kill you today might kill you tomorrow but at least its one more day & hes making you stronger. be thankful you can get pregnant there are alot of woman who cant which i know we all feel terrible for honestly terrible. its hard to pick up the pieces after a loss & in your case you had a terrile loss sounds like & it sounds that what your going through is terrible. i know your feelings i had the same thing that happened to me; but i also had a child at home also so i knew god gave me something precious already & if she was the only one id apprecaite her more then anything in this world. once again i am sorry for your loss & i dont know what to say anymore. keep your head up =] good luck & sticky dust

 

KooKoo - November 8

HACKED my ringpiece!

 

kendra.marie - November 8

kookoo grow up if you dont like what i post dont read it but yet again you revolve your life around MINE. grow up there babe & move on with yourself PLEASE. omg.

 

AddysMummy - November 8

If you want to direct something towards me concerning weither or not you want me to believe you etc etc, do it somewhere else, because in this I asked for help, nothing more. So I will disregard what you said concerning the posts we "argued" in. I am happy that I CAN get pregnant, but that still doesn't take the pain away from the fact that I lost the baby. It's hard because I realize there must have been some defect the baby had so my body chose to naturally expell it for the baby's sake, I would have taken care of my child no matter what problem they had, maybe it is selfish to think that, because maybe this defect could have caused my child a lot of pain. Who knows. I still wish that I was pregnant still, it really hurts feeling empty after knowing and FEELING pregnant, and having a SLIGHT bump. (very slight, but still obvious, I'm a terribly skinny girl... so I showed early with my daughter :( )

 

Krissy25 - November 8

I'm so sorry for your loss, i went through the same thing over a year ago. It was our first pregancy and the unbelievable joy we were feeling quickly turned to unbelievable grief. I felt the exact same way, i hated every pregnant woman i saw and felt like she was flaunting her pregnancy in my face. And i despised everyone who said it was for the best or worse that it was God's plan. The thing that helped me was being able to talk about it with someone who listened and cared and didn't try to make it better. The baby inside of you had a short lived life but it doesn't make it any less of a life and no matter what that baby will always be a part of you. I still grieve to this day even though i was able to get pregnant again just 3 months later. I now have a beautiful daughter whom i love dearly but i will always remember my first baby no matter what.

 

AddysMummy - November 8

I know! I hate it that my will be mother in law says "If God wanted you to have a baby, you would" or "It's for the best, the baby probably had a disease or defect, if you had gone through the pregnancy what if it was born dead, or dies later or goes through pain?" Etc. And THEN the people like my MOTHER who try and say she has gone through MORE pain because she had more than me. WTF ! And it was all because she was ON DRUGS! Or my ex husband saying he is sorry and knows what I am going through because his ex gf had an abortion a year ago. WHAT?!? I CHOSE TO HAVE MY BABY!!! She chose to get rid of hers! I hate some people sometimes :( :(

 

Krissy25 - November 8

AM i agree it's not the same, i think people just don't know what to say sometimes. They tell you things that just don't make sense when all you really want is a hug and someone who will just be there for you and not undermine what you are going through.

 

AddysMummy - November 8

Exactly. My mother didn't hug me, my MIL didn't, all I got was real support from Jake (my fiance) because he felt first hand what I was going through (it is his child too!) And he hugged me. He could just look at me and tell that I didn't want to speak, I just wanted support. And every day he asks me how I am doing, but my mother doesn't care. I don't understand some people x_x

 

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