Family Is Being Horrible

6 Replies
vikki24 - November 11

recently i've moved in with my aunt on my dads side to go to school, because i have a 5 month old daughter at 17, this is difficult, but she offered to put her in daycare for me so i could finish my 11th and 12th grade year, and things we're going good, but lately i am just really depressed about my life, going to school & seeing all these girls with their perfect lifes and no repsonsibilities..and i have school work, chores and and baby to take care of when i get home. I understand that it is my fault that i am in this situation, but it really sucks to feel the way i do..& i also have this constant thought that no guy is going to ever want me again because of my daughter. and i know- if thats why he doesnt want to be with me, then hes not worth it, but the fact of the matter is..IT SUCKS KNOWING THAT. i love my daughter very much but does anyone have any advice for me? im going crazy..i feel horrible.

 

vikki24 - November 11

oh i forgot to add what this was all about..i was telling my aunt on my moms side how i was feeling and she said i am a burden to her, and that im blaming my situation on everyone but myself, but i dont understand this since..i totally understand that it was my choice not to get an abortion and it was my choice to keep and take care of her, shes making me feel WORSE, how do i deal? HELP!!?/

 

HeatherIsHopeful - November 11

hey hon.. I can't say I know how you feel because I have never been in this situation but ,y sister in law was.. she has a daughter at i think 16 or 17 and she finished high school, she LOVES her daughter and so does her family but her mother was NOT happy when she had the baby. They also tried to convince her to get an abortion but she refused. It was rough for her to go through high school being pregnant and then with a kid and the babys daddy was a jerk who ditched them both. Her daughter is now almost 6 and Rachel (my sister in law) finished school and some college has a great job and is now getting married and expecting another baby with full support from her family. I know things seem c___ppy right now but it will get better.. once you are out of high school this get TREMENDOUSLY better. oh, my cousin is also a single mother and also has fears of no one wanting to date her because of having a kid but she is sttill pregnant and is getting asked out all the time. mature guys who are worth your time will be interested in you for who you are and they won't mind that you have a daughter I promise. hang in there girl, it gets better. By the way I am very proud of you for taking care of your daughter and also for finishing school! way to go, many people would have taken the easy way out and I have a lot of respect for you for what you are doing . dont worry about your family they will come around in time. When they see that you are a resposinble person who is taking care of your daughter, not to mention your mom will get old and realize that grandchildren rock lol just give it time and remind yourself that you are a great person and have a lot ahead of you :) -Heather<3

 

Brittany - November 11

Is there any way you can file to get housing and free daycare with the county a__sistance in your area? Maybe you could talk with your doctor or a therapist, they can help you feel better, I'm sure it would help to talk to a professional who would understand. Sometimes family just interferes and makes you feel worse. And honestly, NO ONES life is perfect (those girls have no idea what the real world is like, your a huge step ahead of them already!!!). I'm SURE there are girls in your school who really look up to you, you just don't know it. You have a daughter who depends on you, your daughter looks up to you too! I know your going through a hard time right now. High school is horrible and having a 5 month old...that makes it even more hard. Take everything a day at a time. Use your daughter as motivation. Know your making yours and her future better by getting through these tough times. Know that everything your going through is making you stronger. Your MUCH stronger than those other girls, they won't be prepared to face the real world and college like you will. Don't let anyone get you down, you can do it. I was 17 when I got pregnant and I was in high school. I could have dropped out, I could have skipped every single day because I was nausious but I didn't, I went to school and got straight A's. I didn't let anyone tell me what to do or how my future was going to turn out! I wish you the best and I look up to you for all your hard work. It's hard, I KNOW it is, I have been through it. Look into your daughters little eyes and be happy she is in your life. She will save you. She is here for a reason and maybe you don't know why yet but you will one day. Keep up the great job, no matter how down your feeling, everything will be ok. Make it through high school, prove to everyone and prove to yourself that you can do it. You can! Mommys can do anything, especially young ones!

 

Brittany - November 11

O yea and about how your feeling about a guy not wanting you because you have a child...there will be a MAN one day who sweeps you off your feet and loves you and you daughter with all of his heart. It might not be soon but he will come one day. For now, focus on loving yourself and your daughter. Don't worry about guys. You are all your daughter needs right now. It takes guys a lot longer to mature than us girls. My point...who cares about guys! Gain confidence in yourself, get your education, be a great momma, go to college and become something wonderful and you can show all those guys what your made of...then prince charming will come along and love your strength and everything you've been through and he'll love your daughter because she is a part of you.

 

durante baby - November 12

Vikki- It sounds to me like your family is being more honest with you then they need to be. Of course you are going to be somewhat of a burden with a baby, in someone elses house, but oviously you have a great family if she invited you to stay in the first place. (I know my family would have never done that for me) Yes it was your decision not to have an abotion, but Im sure even with your doubts on life right now, you dont regret your decion in the slightest. I am 21 with a 2 1/2 year old and a 2 month old. On rare occasions it does still pop into my head "this would be easier if we didnt have kids yet" but then I look around at the things I think I am missing out on, and realize I really dont need those things at all! I would much rather stay at home with my family then go out and make an a__s of myself....my real friends are still right here by my side two kids later, so those are the only friends that are important to me. It is still okay to go out and have a good time though....it will keep you sane! As for finding a guy: You are 17, so you have PLENTY of time! I can promise you, that you will eventurally find a guy that will take great care of you and love your daughter as if she is his own. I have seen it happen to alot of women! You will do great! You already seem like a strong young lady, going to scholl, work, and a baby....You really are doing all you can right now to better yourself and your daughter. Dont feel so rushed, take it one step at a time!

 

kay101 - November 12

Oh, sweetie some of this is still hormones. They don't completely settle back down until a year after giving birth. You will be out of school soon enough. Once you are, the things that went on there aren't going to seem important at all and most of those girls who have perfect lives probably don't. I was a teen mom. My now husband and I had known each other since we were 14 and started dating when I was 5 months pregnant. He was there for my daughter then and is still now. She's not his biologically, but that doesn't make him any less her father. Sure, some men will be scared of the responsibility of a girl with a child, but as you get a little older you will find most men worth anything are just going to want you for you, and everything that comes along with it. I'm not sure if it's the same where you live, but in both the states I've lived in I've seen loads of young girls in their upper teens early twenties with children and it doesn't stop them from having relationships. Maybe you could get a babysitter for a couple hours once a week and go out and see a movie or something. Every mom or dad needs a little free time to themselves once in a while. It will get better.

 

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