14 Replies
LaurenKaylyn17 - July 12

My newly ex boyfriend is threatening me not only about the baby BUT ME. He is saying I cannot leave state without his consent while I am pregnant and when I have the baby. He told me if I left he would shoot me in my head and take the baby away from me. He also said that since he is 18 and I am only 17 he has more rights than me, and can take the baby away from me when I have it. His parents told him he should be informed on what rights he has. Now that I have no problem with, he should know what rights he has but the way he has said that along with everything else felt like a direct threat towards me that he is going to try and take the baby away. I am so sick of this.... he has absolutely NO REASON to say these things. Him and his parents have not bought ANY baby clothes, maternity clothes, NOTHING for me and my baby. My parents and I have done everything. He hasn't even tried to get a job and his parents haven't even encouraged him to... they just let him stay in their basement all day and play videogames! I am sick of their threats.... and I want to know what I can do to make this stop and if what my ex says is true.... I was also wondering if my mother should call his parents and talk with them about this because I know they will not listen to me? my mother really wants to but she also respects my wishes... I want her to also. Please can someone give me some advice?


LaurenKaylyn17 - July 12

Thanks lilmomma88, I will my mother has been trying to contact them all day and still no answer.


EricaLynn - July 13

Lilmomma is totally right yo! What a b___tmunch to say such rediculous stuff. First of all his rights are an absolute 0 until the baby is born. You can opt to have an abortion or put up the baby for adoption and the male half of the relationship has absolutely no control. When the baby is born if you are not together it is possible that you could have court ordered shared parenting, but courts more often than not favor the mother and give them more control over the child, especially if he was harra__sing you and doesnt have a job or help provide for your baby. If he keeps harra__sing you I totaly agree to get the law involved maybe a restraining order or something because that is absolute crazy talk. Age has nothing to do with anything in this situation, and moms have way more rights with babys, stay strong and let us know what happens.


not-falling - July 13

hey lauren, i hate to tell you this... but about you leaving the state after the baby is born hes right... he could charge you with kidnapping even though the baby is yours aswell! Which is complete c___p I know... i know because my aunties ex husband did it to her when she crossed the boarder without his consent! the part about him being 18 doesnt have anything to do with him having more rights.. other then the fact that threatening you is a crime, and seeing as hes 18, he will be prosecuted as an adult, not a minor.... also, being 18 means he has a legal obligation to pay child support... what state do you live in if i can ask? becuse the laws vary when it comes to the leaving state thing.... i think getting your mum to talk to his mum would be a good thing to do, ask her to politley point out to his parents that yes he has some rights, but he also has OBLIGATIONS to fullfill... and seeing as hes not fullfilling those obligations, hes forfitting his those rights.. If you don’t want to talk to him, you don’t have to, and that’s YOUR right! If you need anything else let me know, ill be happy to chat!


lilmomma88 - July 13

About you leaving the state when the baby is born- i'm sorry it does vary from state to state. where I live (michigan) i can take my child anywhere and the father has no say. try researching laws for your state. but right now, while your pregnant, you can leave. also the only right he has when you two are not married is the right to pay child support! (this i know...happened to a friend)


not-falling - July 13

im in australia... in all states here you cant leave the state without the other parents consent... sorry if i confussed anyone


PrincessesMom - July 13

I've been in your situation. Don't let him run your life, but don't be deaf the his threats either. Get a restraining order! It doesn't cost any money. all you have to do is go to the clerk's office at the court house and fill out the paper work. All you will need is your address and the address of your employer. This will stop phone calls, emails, texts, visits, you name it. And if it doesn't you doc_ment it and turn him into the police! I was 2 1/2 months pg with our 3rd child when I left my husband and immediately filed a restraining order. I was never obligted by law to contact him in regaurds to the baby, but I did call the day after she was born and let him have a 10 minute visit in the hospital. Your bf will have no rights unless he takes you to court for visitation. You might even concider not putting him on the birth certificate, definately give your child your last name! You may cross state lines as you please while you are pg and even with the baby until the court gives him parental rights, then you have to inform him but he doesn't get the last word.


PrincessesMom - July 13

Unfortunately you are going to have to deal with your bf for the next 18 years because right or wrong, the courts will give him parental rights. If it is at all possible, your best bet is to try to make things civil between you. Have you tried laying everything out in black and white for him? ( I don't like you, you don't like me.......but we are going to have to figure out how to be civil for the baby's sake.) Oh! And he has no right to be in the delivery room. I informed my nurses to call the police if he entered the hospital and they notified security and gave his description. Even if you don't get the restraining order, he cannot come into your room uninvited.


Tjane - July 13

Until paternity is established through a paternity affidavit or by a paternity test he has absolutely no rights to your child. The child is considered yours until either one of these things are done. Once they are done, he will be court ordered to pay child support and he can then pet_tion the court for visitation rights, until then legally this baby is only yours and he has no rights to them at all. You are legally free to go and live in another country if you wanted.... I would be very concerned with the threats and would get a protective order for you and baby until emotions have cooled down and I would also recommend doc_ment everything, while it may not hold up very much in court it would also show your concern about the situation.... Good luck....


PrettyShadows - July 13

I think you should call the police. MAking death threats is something very serious! And with him having a criminal record (if you report him) You'd be the one with more rights to the child as he'd be seen as a threat. Good luck in what you do, keep me posted!!


ChannY - July 13

Whoa holy. I was in the same situation like that before when I was pregnant. Except him, he got his friends to come after me to make death threats and try to beat me up so I can lose my girl. His parents are church people. But he was addicted to drugs that one time. If I were you, I'd go to the police and get a restraining order or charge him with attempted murder or whatever he's doing. I should have done that while I was a few months pregnant. He said he want nothing to do with me or my daughter. Fine with me, because I want nothing to do with him or have him in our lives. My daughter is now almost 15 months old and he hasnt seen her since she was like a week old. I'm happy the way I'm living my life like this because I don't have to worry about being so d__n stressful and have him controlling my life. You know what? Fk his consent or his rules. He have no rights for you or your baby. It's your baby because youre carrying her/him. Is he? No. And..he also have no right to take your baby if you leave the state without his permission if he is not on the baby birth certifcate. Unless he fights to get DNA testing to prove thats his kid.. than youre stuck. But than again, how is he going to raise a kid if he's a bum staying in his bas____nt playing games? Maybe its the drugs that taken over his body and he's being a wanker. *sorry no offense* but truthfully, I hate when guys are like that.:@ so pathetic. He's not the father type. so He's a dead beat type. Dont tell him anything about when going into labor or anything..Or the doc. appointment..nothing. he doesnt need to know anything. I hope things go well with you and the baby..p.s. you dont need the stress..nor the baby! hope all is well *hugs*


LaurenKaylyn17 - July 13

Thank you so much everyone for answering my questions. I feel so much better now that I have a little more info. on it. I live in Gresham, Oregon and I'm not really sure what the laws are about me leaving state.... but I'm pretty sure I will find out next monday because I'm going to get a restraining order against him. He is psycho and he keeps on sending me crazy IMs on AOL threatening me, so I'm saving them.


lilmomma88 - July 13

Good idea, save ANY and ALL threatening or explicit e-mails and IMs and take them with you when you file your restraining order!


midnight_drift - July 13

He has no rights to do that, once the baby is born, take him to court, sue for full custody. Show them how he has given you threatening e-mails or IM's, etc. You can even print screen things. enlarge your IM, push the b___ton above "insert" that says "Prt Scrn" and paste in into paint. He may be older but you have more rights because you're the mother.


PrincessesMom - July 14

It is extremely hard to take rights away from a parent. Even if he beats you to a pulp, it will be hard. In most cases, it is even hard if he abuses the child. Protect yourself, but understand that most likely you are going to have to learn to deal with him for the next 18 years.



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