Need Advice Please Help

6 Replies
Allie - December 13

I told my b/f that I was pregnant and at first he didn't really say anything. I was pregnant before but I had a miscarriage and then he wanted it more than anything. Now he's saying that if i don't have an abortion then we can't be together. He's really the love of my life and I don't want to lose him at all. I know that i'm too young to have the baby but i don't believe in abortion. He doesnt agree with adoption though, and i'm not sure why. He said he'd rather kill the baby then have someone else raise his baby. I don't understand that though. I don't know what to do but he's made up his mind. During the first pregnancy, he said abortion at first but it all changed when he felt the baby move. Now he's stuck on his decision and that's it. He won't even talk to me right now. I just don't see how it can be so simple for him. What should I do? I need anyone's advice please...


Mommy - December 13

No offense, but any guy that can say he'd rather his baby be dead then be raised by someone else doesn't deserve you or the kid. That sounds very controlling, like the typical abuse relationmship where the guy says "IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU NO ONE CAN." I would say to do what you want to do. I do not agree with abortion and you said you don't either, so why do sonething you will resent him for and you will possible regret for the rest of your life. How old are you? Because I was 16 when I had my first one and then a year later had another child. I honestly considered abortion ecause I thought I couldn't handle 2 kids. Now when I look at him and think about what I MAY have done, I want to cry. Men will come and go in your life, but your child will be yours forever. If he's not even willing to talk to you right now, he doesn't deserve you. He is being selfish and immature. If you let him control the things you do now, he may expect it all the time and then you will be in an usafe relationship you want out of anyway. I know because I was there before. My ex got to the point of locking me in his bedroom because he didn't want me to go to the park to meet up with a few friends from school. (All girls, mind you) Do what you feel is right. If he can't compromise about this very important issue that also concerns you, he's not worth anything, ESPECIALLY, THE DEATH OF YOUR CHILD.


Allie - December 13

thanks so much for your reply...i understand what you're saying. normally he doesn't have the att_tude of being controlling. when he told me that i had to do it, it was kinda hard for me to take in cause i wasnt expecting it at all. i'm 17...he's 17 too, but a couple months older. again thank you....if anyone else can help out, i'd appreciate it.


Jbear - December 13

I wish I was there so I could give him a kick in the a__s for you! He is being a real jerk, really insensitive too. You're facing one of the most difficult situations of your life, and he's only adding more stress to it. You might tell him, most people who can afford to adopt are financially secure enough to really provide for a child...private school, music lessons, all that good stuff. People who adopt are also much less likely to abuse their children than birth parents are. I'm not trying to adopt, I have all the kids I could possibly need, before people start jumping on me about adoption. It is an option, one that would let you get on with your life without compromising your beliefs. I've been married for 9 years, and if my husband said to get an abortion or he'd leave me, I'd kick his a__s out so fast he'd be standing in the street looking confused while all his belongings landed around him. And I love him like crazy...


Allie - December 15

thanks Jbear...i think i'm just gonna tell him that i'm not getting an abortion and he has to deal with it. but im so scared....i dont know if i can do it alone and i know my mom is gonna kill me, probably send me to live with my grandparents. and they'll be so angry with me...i kinda hop he changes his mind though...maybe he will right?


Mel - December 15

if you love him that much then just do what he says...if you feel that youre too young to have a baby and everything then do it.


Melissa - December 15

It's YOUR body! YOU decide! The supreme court grants you that right! This is what Pro-Choicers are fighting for....CHOICE. Stand up and be a woman. If you want to have it, then have it.



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