Weighing The Pros And Cons

8 Replies
JessicaC - June 18

Hi guys. I'm playing the waiting game right now before I can test and see if I'm pregnant. I'm feeling kind of guilty because part of me wants to be pregnant (it was unplanned, obviously). I kind of just wanted to write this out to vent because I'm having strong feelings that I can't tell to anyone else. I can think of several legitimate reasons why I should not want to be pregnant: I have two years left to get my degree, my family would be extremely upset, my boyfriend (of 4 years) doesn't feel he is ready, I am only 19 therefore I have plenty of time later in life to have children, there are a lot of things I wanted to experience before having children. But no matter how much I repeat those "cons" to pregnancy, I can't help but have some desire for the test to be positive. This is going to sound REALLY awfull, but one of the reasons that I think is in my sub-conscius is that it will give me an opportunity to not have the pressure that I get from everyone to be such an overachiever (school/work). Another reason is because I do want children (however I never really intended to have them at a young age). If I am pregnant then I know that my boyfriend and I at least have a very strong relationship, we are financially stable (although we don't own a house yet, which is a bummer), and we would both be dedicated to raising the child properly. But I know deep down that the timing is all wrong. I kind of wish I could tell him how I feel about this, but I know he would probably be paranoid that I will start trying to get pregnant without telling him (which I won't). Sorry for the rant, I just figured I'm probably not the only girl in this situation who knows that the time is not right for having a baby, but a big part of you wants it anyway. Am I right?


maren - June 19

Ok first yea your young but its not the end of the world if you are pregnant. I myself am 19 just finished my first year in college and am having my baby in 2 weeks, i plan on continuing my education and everything. There are so many women that have children and still finish their degree not the end of the world so to me thats not really a con. About your family i highly doubt that they would be disapointed and if they are im sure it will only be for a little while. After all we cant live OUR lives to please our family they love you probavly will be shocked that you got pregnant but ultimetly they probably will be excited as you sound like you know how to handle yourself. As for you saying a con is your BF not being ready, well that is something he will have to get over that really fast im sure he knew what the risk of having s_x is. And in my mind if you are pregnant and he trys to play that up that he isnt ready i would tell him he needs to become ready, and if he was ready to have s_x he was/is ready to accept the responsibilities of being a parent. If you are pregnant you sound like a sensible young woman who knows what she wants and that she can accoplish anything. I think that if you are pregnant you will still be able to do everything that you say you want to do. i was so scared when i found out i was pregnant but its not that scary once you figure out what you plan on doing so that you can still continue doing the things you planned and be a mother. I wish you luck in your wait to test. try not to stress to much as that itself could make your period late.


Jennifer28 - June 19

If you are having any doubts about being ready - you're not. If find out you are not pregnant - do everything you can to wait to become pregnant. I am 28 yrs old and am finally pg with my first. I waited until I had my house and until I was happily married and we were BOTH ready to become parents. You sound like you are doing VERY well for yourself. Do you and your boyfriend a HUGE favor and wait until you are absolutely positvely ready for a baby. It is a big responsibility and you have all the time in the world! Good luck...


midnight_drift - June 19

You're right. I thought I was pregnant, and as much as I knew it was the wrong time and EVERYTHING, I wanted the baby so badly.. and I wanted the positive. It was deffinetly unplanned though..


JessicaC - June 20

Thanks all of you. Maren, you definitely had some good points if I am pregnant. school will be more difficult, but I won't be the first person to have to do it with a little one. And I know that my mom would be very very disappointed, but after a while she would be excited to be a grandma. Jennifer, you are right too. I know after this "scare" I am not going to take anymore chances because right now it just isn't worth it. Plus, it isn't fair to anyone really, especially not the baby who could have been born under better circ_mstances. I definitely have a few things (like owning a house) that I would like to happen to be better prepared for having a baby. I am still waiting. I'm starting to be more pa__sive on the situation and trying not to think about it. In this case, what happens, happens, and if I'm not pregnant then I just have more of a motivation to be careful.


Fire - June 26

I didn't quite understand what you're not sure about...If you are pregnant, you're debating on keeping it or not? If that's the case, my suggestion is to ask yourself if you would ever regret it if you decided to give the baby up or have an abortion. Ask yourself also if you would ever regret having the baby. I had a pregnancy scare about a year ago and as I was weighing my options, I asked myself those questions and I realized I would NEVER be able to look at my child and think I made the wrong decision, but if I decided not to keep it, I would always think "what would my child be like right now?" I hope that makes sense. I found out I wasn't pregnant, but after that it almost made me decide to TRY to have a baby because I had been thinking about it so much! Thinking about it, even if you're scared, can sometimes make you think it's a good idea. Just remember what you've been feeling now and if you're not, be extra careful until you are ready to be a mom. Let us know how things turn out!


JessicaC - June 26

Sorry I wasn't very clear. No, I do want to keep it. What I was feeling bad about was being happy if I'm pregnant when I know that other people are going to be upset about it (parents mainly). I'm 11dpo now so I still have some time to wait. The thought of having an abortion crossed my mind but I knew that it isn't for me. I would be happy if I was pg, I guess I just felt a little ashamed about it. I'm feeling much better now though.


Tootsie5c - June 26

Hi Jessica, I'm 19 and actually ttc, but I know what its like to have a scare and secretly want the test to be positive. I'm just married, my husband is a college graduate, and I'm attending a junior college. We have a loft and wellpaying jobs. Its not impossible to have children at a young age, its all about how you handle yourself. Like everyone has already said, I'm sure it will be more difficult but college isn't out of the picture. If anything, you should have more drive to finish so you can prove to your little one that you could still make your dreams come true even if you made a mistake. Do you have an pg signs?


JessicaC - June 26

Yes, but nothing that is 100% convincing. I have been extremely fatigued, sore b___bs, some odd cramping, off and on fever. I had a few different things but that is what I'm currently going through (11 dpo). Today I have had af-like cramps which is different because usually I don't get them until after I start my period (which isn't supposed to be for 3 more days). Hopefully if I am pg I will get a bfp on Friday so I don't have to keep wondering. I either want my period or a bfp, no more of this waiting. As far as school is concerned, I would have to take a semester off, but thankfully my b/f's work schedule would allow him to stay home with the baby in the morning while I was at cla__s and I could be with it the rest of the day. Well, we'll see what happens. I keep going back and forth, sometimes I feel like I am pg, sometimes I think I'm not. Hopefully I'll know for sure soon.



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