Afraid Of Losing Yourself

5 Replies
Jessica NY - January 31

I'm going to be a first time mother by Saturday morning and have been hearing constantly from in-laws about how I will never have time for anything when the baby comes. They make it sound like a sentence rather than a blessing. Up to now I didn't think all their ranting had affected me until I started to think, "oh no point programming that show on the telly, I shan't have the time for it anymore". I stopped dead in my tracks and thought OMG, I really won't have time for telly, or a relaxing bath to soothe my tired muscles, nor will I have time to do my hair or nails until the baby is in some sort of routine , maybe at about 4-5 months! I just became terrified all of a sudden that I'm going to lose myself and just become a machine. I had convinced myself up to now that I could balance mothering with at least a few every day things, now I'm sure I'll be spending every waking hour br___tfeeding, changing diapers and then going back to sleep! It may be that I'm just getting nervous or even that I am hormonal but I'm really scared all of a sudden, I thought I was prepared but now I feel like I'm about to lose myself in order to become a mother! Can't we have both? Obviously I don't expect that I will initially have the energy to make home cooked meals, do the housework to my liking, keep up with shows I enjoy on telly and spend as much time on the internet everyday in the first few weeks but surely I can keep some sort of normalty???


mel - January 31

Your idea of "normality" will change. your world will revolve around the baby for awhile and that's the way god designed it. but everything will find it's groove and a new normality will take hold. it's nothing bad at all. it's quite wonderful, actually. then one day, just when everything has found it's place and your life feels "normal" again....the thought will hit you out of a clear blue sky and you'll think, "oh my God, what was I doing with myself before this little person came along???" it's quite funny actually. Good luck and you'll do fine!!!!


Alycia - January 31

I'm pregnant with my first, so I don't have any answers for you, but I'm feeling a lot of the same fears you are. I do comfort myself with the following, though, and maybe it will help you too. When I was in college, at the beginning of each and every semester I would freak out about how impossibly hard this semester was going to be and how little free time I would have between my course load and my job. You know what? Within a month, everything had always smoothed out and I had developed a good routine. Same with almost every new job I've had. I'm not saying I think full-time motherhood will be easy or that we'll have a nice schedule worked out in a matter of weeks (we won't!), but I'll just bet we get used to things fairly quickly and won't be too overwhelmed. Just tired and busy! Hopefully happy too, though.


Lindsay - January 31

Jessica, Im not a mother yet- just an expecting, but hopefully I can soothe you. Dont listen to people who say things that make you feel bad- youre freaking bc of hormones. When your baby comes you'll be so happy, youll have a special relationship with your baby no one else can understand, you are unique in every way and you're still yourself, but with more reasons to be happy and thankful. You should make a promise to yourself to make time every week to have a manicure/pedicure, maybe even a spa pedicure! Get your hubby or bf or mom to babysit for 2 hours and go enjoy yourself. You should always take a little time to pamper yourself, there is a way even with a brand new baby, you just have to relax and find the way you want to do it. You can take a bath whenever you want, feed the baby, wait for it to go to sleep, put her/him in the carseat and bring the carseat in the bathroom with you, fill the tub with hot water and bubbles and bring a book. You can relax in the tub and read and glance over at the sleeping angel and it will be more wonderful than your old bathtime when you were alone. Babies do cry and need attention, but they can be very sweet and peaceful too. Don't be scared...theres a lot of work ahead, but it pays off tenfold and you NEVER have to lose yourself, dont listen to anyone who says it has to be that way- they are just handling having children in a negative way, you dont have to listen to their advice or do things the way they did, you are mommy- you are in charge! Good luck!


hc - January 31

I don't see it as loosing myself, I see it as adding a new experience and t_tle to who I am. I have reached a certain age and I am ready to take on this resposibility - but trust me the fear comes over me as well about how things will be different when the baby comes. We are so used to just having ourselves (and husband and house/appartment) to take care off, and that we can just take off and do what ever we please - but now we will add a baby to everything we do. It is just a different way of doing things and it will take more planning to do other things, it is a change - it will be challenging many times, but it will also bring a whole new dimesion to our lives! Change is many times scary, and this is one of the biggest changes that we will have happen to us in our life time - but people do it every day and we will be ok as well! Good luck!!


erin - January 31

This is my third baby and I know that once I have it, I'm going to feel really overwhelmed and not in control of my household for a few weeks...but the thing is, the feelings pa__s. Every day gets easier and you adjust to your circ_mstances. You will definitely be able to find a balance between being a mother and doing other things. And it's true that someday you will think, What was I doing before this baby came along?? Just like mel said.



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