Anyone Else Feel Dh Not In This Totally

7 Replies
mgn - March 16

hi all. i am 39 days from my due date and STILL do not have the nursery painted, carpets scrubbed, dresser put together, pack n play, car seat needs put in, cloths need washed, etc etc etc. I am feeling so overwhlemed right now and my husband takes off every free minute he gets to go "wrestle" with his "boys". the big thing now is that MMA fighting and thats all he wants to do. meanwhile i sit here helpless and waiting on him to come home and HOPE that he does something for the baby. Usually he will do one thing and he is done. He has yet to devote ONE weekend to getting things done. I am so sad right now. I feel like I have put up w this taking off to play with the boys way to much. He doesnt drink or do drugs but I feel like he is NEVER home and there is so much to do! any suggestions as to how I can get him to stay home for at least a day or two to get some stuff done? i mean, it really is going to be here so soon and nothing is done, all he did was put the crib together and a swing..........


Astra - March 16

Hi. I know that for a while I was doing a lot more nesting stuff then my guy. Mainly because I was home and he works long days. On the weekends he is home but also needs to relax as well. I was feeling overwhelmed and just had to ask for the help. It actually made all the difference. I told him I was feeling overwhelemed and then gave him a list of the things that I needed help with , we came up with an agreement that we would get one things done together each weekend. That way he could still rest on weekends and I felt like I was getting more help. I also had to be creative and get some friends to help out too. I think I would also have a chat to him about how he expects things may change with the baby, how he feels like he'll be able to help out and what your expectations are for his involvement. I think It's better to talk about it rather than feel nervous and hope things will work out magically. You may not like his answers but it will give you an opportunity to express how you feel and your expectations. Then you might be able to negotiate and try to find a way for him to be more involved but still have time to spend with his friends. Good luck.


krissy2006 - March 16

mgn, I totally feel ya! My hubby is actually good around the house BUT his brother is getting married around the time my doctor is planning on inducing me. The wedding is in Mexico and he insists on going. Mind you his brother has been with his SO for 26+ years and they have 6 children together so its not like their relationship is anything new. UGH! He would rather be there to party than here for when his daughter is born!!! Really really upsets me so I know what u mean by having a hubby who is more into something else than the idea of the babies and what needs to be done for them. HMMF!! Sorry, just gonna sit here on my pity potty and mope now that I reminded myself of how excited I am and how un-excited my hubby seems. LOL ((hugs)) we all need em now-a-days what with hormones etc. :)


aurora23 - March 17

I totally feel you. My boyfriend was the same way. Up until about 2 weeks ago he hadn't done anything, we had to paint put down a rug and do all of the stuff you mentioned also. What I did was kind of barter with him. He really hates doctors offices and I had an appointment at night so I didn't want to go alone. At the last minute I said well... if you fix the baby's room you don't have to go with me tonight. and you know what he actually did it. And I brought my dad with me to the doctor. I was really surprised it actually worked, ever since then if I act a little grumpy he'll ask me whats wrong and I'll tell him I don't feel like he is helping me at all, and when I get home from work something else is done. It's fine now, but talk about waiting till the last minute. I don't think he understands that just because my due date is in april doesn't mean that he can't come early.


sarah21 - March 17

Oh honey I know exACTLY how you feel. I am due in 6 days and am still working on getting the nursery done. My husband is working part-time and is in his Junior year of college, attending full-time and having tons of homework and labs. He doesn't want to do ANYTHING. It got to the point now that my mom and step-dad come over and we've gotten things done together. When they're here DH gets motivated to do stuff and he's started putting in a lot of time getting things done. We had a bathroom that was in progress for over 6 months and this nursery hadn't even gotten started until last week. Until then all my husband had done was put together the swing and we had a LOT to do. We re-mudded the top part of the walls, hang beadboard and chair rail and replace baseboards, sand the wood floors, paint the beadboard and chair rail, colorwash the new mud, and paint the floors and closet. We are actually today painting the floor. Amazing! Astra is right-- you just need to be honest and come up with a solution together. This baby is coming, ready or not, but you can still get a LOT done between now and then. Don't lose hope. If you can get some friends to help, then by all means, do it. It may help inspire DH to help you. It is really hard for men to connect with the baby coming sometimes but it happens eventually. Now my husband is always saying "I can't wait to see our baby!" and has started calling her his daughter. Too cute. It'll happen-- keep your chin up.


Jairia - March 17

I know how you all feel. DH has been wonderful about shopping for the baby and putting the nursery together. But I totally feel neglected. I'm stuck in the hospital on bedrest (have been for 5 weeks now with at least another 5 to go). He always has a reason why he can't come to the hospital. I totally understand that it's tough to get our 17-month-old and my live-in 10-year-old nephew up here with school, work, homework, sports, etc. But, I'm going crazy up here. I may see them once a week, and if I'm lucky then twice during the week. I feel so alone. I know a lot of it has to do with being hormonal while being pregnant and being isolated in the hospital. This is extremely rough, but I know that things will change once the baby is here and I am back home. Hang in there ladies.


mgn - March 17

thanks for all your adivce girls. its good to know were not alone. i went to doc today and she told me i had a short cervix and have to b careful or i will have baby early. after hearing this, its funny b/c i dont care about nursery getting done as much now. all i care about is that my baby is healthy and comes later instead of early. :( good luck to all of you.


ErinP - March 19

My dh is really good about helping out, but I know he's not that into it. We have a 2-year-old already, and my husband's an amazing dad, but I think he's not really that excited about having another baby. He was the same with our first, but once he was born he was so great and even stayed home with him for the first 7 months since I'm self-employed and don't get maternity leave. I'm just hoping that he'll be as excited once he sees our baby this time around.



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