Do You Think Its Rude

10 Replies
I need support!! - May 8

For someone to say they had a miscarriage after someone has a baby at 32 weeks. I hope you don't think I'm mean. Here is what happened. I had my baby at 32 weeks. She came earlier b/c of health reasons. The day when I was let out of the hospital. I was told that a family member had a m/c at 3 months. I felt bad, but only wanted to think about my health problems and my baby. This family member said she was having a furneral for the baby and wanted me to be there. I didn't think most people would have a funeral for a m/c. I was on bedrest and almost died. My baby is trying to get better in the hostipal. She want me to come to a m/c funeral. It was like she wanted all the attention and didn't care about me or my little girls health. I felt like screaming. You Had a M/c at 3 months. I can understand if she had one later on. Come one, do you think I'm mean for not caring? I'm just so tired.

 

lacey - May 8

I think you have every right to feel the way you do. With your baby being born early you need to worry about her health. Perhaps a good settlement would be to send a card or flowers and let her know you are thinking of her. After her mc I am sure she feels everyone should be paying attention to her. . . however do what is best for you and your baby. Just be nice and kind to your family member, think about the loss they are experiencing versus your joy. Flowers or a card??

 

Support! - May 8

Thanks Lacey, I was afraid of people not understanding. That what I did. I sent her flowers and a card. But still my mil and husband thought it was rude not being there. I had a m/c before. I didn't even talk about, certainly to someone who just had a baby. Thanks again

 

lacey - May 8

I think you did the right thing. Your flowers and card should let her know you care. Good luck with the baby

 

Robin - May 8

NO YOU WERE NOT WRONG. You yourself are ill along with your baby.I myself had a mc at 2 mths. and i don't mean to be mean or rude but who has a funeral for for a mc at 3 mths? I will say it like I said it to my bro. when his wife lost their baby at 6 and half mths preg. Yes you feel bad and you will get mad. One day you will get preg. again and have a wonderful healthy baby who you will love to death. and then that kid is going to grow up and your are going think to your self "i love my baby so much" then your next thought will be "where the hell did this kid come from?"! Well that's my time. Best of wishes for you, your baby and your family member.

 

To support - May 8

You have to understand she lost her child even if it was at three months... and are you removing the threads that people r putting ^?

 

Support! - May 8

No, I am not removing the threads people are putting in. Thanks Lacey and Robin for your comments. I just down think some people understand how much it hurt to hear about a baby's death when yours is in intensive care. I don't understand why some people are rude when all you are asking for is support and advice. I truely understand the pain you feel from a m/c. But I am feeling just as much pain with my baby in the hospital. I did all I can to say I'm Sorry for your lost and pain. More then she did for me. She has never ask about me or my baby. I find that to be uncaring. It just upsets me.

 

C - May 9

I had a family member that m/c at 13 wks and certainly did not have a funeral! I think this is the first time I have heard of that...I think flowers and a card are perfect enough under the circ_mstances, your baby is alive and needs you as well you need to take it easy and take care of yourself to be strong enough to take care of your new baby:) Congrats and best wishes...

 

Hmmm... - May 9

Wonder who's removing the threads...that doesn't seem fair does it?

 

jenn - May 10

well i certainly think that you did the right thing. in time hopefully your family members will come to realize that though you sympathized with her you had to be responsible for yourself and your child. though its very sad to have to deal with a m/c you had to concentrate on getting strong enough to take care of your newborn especially being that she was a premie. so dont feel guilty and concentrate at your task at hand. also let her know that if she needs support that you can be there.

 

Tammy - May 10

I think you are right. As awful as this sounds, your baby is alive and fighting to live. You have to put all of you concentration on her. I would send her a card for now. I have never heard of a funeral for a 3 mo. m/c. I had 2 misses. One at 12 wks and 1 at 14 wks. It was never an option. After you and your daughter are out of the woods, I would call her. If she doesn't understand, she'll have to get over it. When I was pregnant with my son, me and my best friend were pregnant together. She had a miss at 16 wks. I felt a little akward at first but she rea__sured me that now we were focusing on my baby. She was great. The compa__sion goes both ways.

 

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