Hospital Visitors

35 Replies
Lynn - October 11

Try checking with the hospital to see if you can just not allow visitors - or give them a list of the only people that are allowed in to see you and not until day 2 of recovery or something.

 

N - October 11

I did.. but the hospital was very busy that weekend and no one was at the desk for the maternity ward so my relatives just walked around until they found my room.. they write your name on a little white board outside your door, and so they just came waltzing in... nice eh?

 

Jen - October 11

N- that is EXACTLY what I am afraid will happen to me- word for word. I am just not that "close" with my in-laws even though they are constantly staying with us (they live 2 hours away). There are no ill feelings, they are just much older (late 60's), so we don't have that connection that would make me comfortable with them around. Plus, they are pretty overbearing, and I don't need them coming in and taking over when I will be trying to establish my own "mommy" character. I am also afraid of the germs from everyone handling the baby. I feel for you!!! How are you going to handle things this time around?

 

N - October 11

Luckily with us, the nurses were very insistant on making everyone wash their hands before picking up the baby, so I didn't need to say anything there. I really don't know what to do this time at all. I have thought about having my husband take the baby into the waiting room and they can visit out there, but then i decided i don't like that idea either. For starters, I will never see my baby because he'll be gone all the time, and they will all be very mad because the hospital's policy is that the baby must be in the ba__sinet outside of our room, so no one can pick him up or hold him in the waiting room. I am debating whether I should just not tell anyone we've had the baby until we get home, but if we told even one person, everyone will know in a matter of hours. My mil called my mom while i was in labour to see if we had heard anything (because we refused to answer anymore phone calls.. my grandma called every hour on the hour "to see how i was feeling") but my mom had come to the hospital to bring my husband supper and let him get out for a bit (which was actually nice of her and we really appretiated it). Right now, I am hoping I go into labour two weeks early (only 6 weeks left!!) so I can sneak away and have my baby before anyone notices we're gone.

 

ab - October 11

Let's all not loose sight or forget that in-laws, parents and family are excited at the blessing given to us. They don't mean to be a bother they just want to be apart of the experience. I think if you're truthful with people and you let them know how you feel, they'll respect that. but remember to include them at somepoint. Remember with your parent and inlaws - If if wasn't for them you and your husband/partner/mate wouldn't be here.

 

Lesley - October 11

ab, in all fairness our parents/in-laws should know what it's like when you first have a baby so should know and understand why we want privacy.

 

Jen - October 11

N- What is your due date? I was originally December 11, but my doctor moved me up 2 weeks to November 26...sounds like we will be delivering around the same time. Good luck!

 

ab - October 11

Lesley, I disagree. I think that when most of our parents had us the times were different. There wasn't an option to have so many people in the room. Families did come to the hospital to greet the newest arrival. I asked my mom yesterday who was at the hospital with her when I was born. She said she couldn’t remember. She said what she could recall was how helpful her mother was with me and my sister (4 years older). She went on to say that she doesn’t know how she would have done it with out her. I believe a lot of this discussion depends on the relationship you have with your mother/in-laws/family etc… Please don't get me wrong. I think it's everyone's right to have whom ever they please in the room or visit them at the hospital (I personally will have only my mother and husband in the labor & delivery room). My point is just not to loose sight that these people love us and love our children and really their only intent is to be helpful. They want to be part of the experience of bring a new soul into this world. You have every right to set boundaries and as new parents we are protective over our new ones. This is a happy, joyous and thankful time. Please don’t loose sight of that when making a decision to include or exclude family. Someone suggest visiting hours (which I think is a great idea) or even a meet the baby day. (Parents and in-laws won’t think they fit in this category) It just sounded to me like some people were being selfish in not wanting anyone to see or meet their baby (some for weeks). Are we are talking about the people (parent & in-laws) who gave birth to us! I personally can't wait to have my mother help me when our little one is born. I hear the horrible stories about not getting to sleep or eat or take a shower. I'll be pleased to know that I can leave our little one with mom and take a nice hot shower. :->

 

N - October 11

Jen - November 24th, so pretty close :) Do you feel like you are running out of time too? ab - I understand what you are saying but at the same time I need my space. I wasn't one of those mom's who had an easy labour/delivery and bounced back to normal a few hours later, it took me a while.. I looked awful, felt awful, SMELLED awful, was half naked and tired as hell.. not how I want people to see me you know? I was still getting to know my own child and I wasn't ready to share that yet. I don't think it would be very fair to make them wait weeks.. but a day or two shouldn't be a big deal...

 

Lesley - October 11

I don't get on too well with my in-laws. My MIL lights up in the house even though I have told her over and over I don't want her to. My father-in-law just isnt in the picture no more. Even my partner has stopped talking to him. Long story, but untill he learns to tolerate me in front of my kids he can keep away. I want my mum there as much as possible. She will be looking after the kids while I'm in hospital, then hopefuly when I come home she will be here for a couple of hours. If my MIL abides by my rules while in my house I have no problem with her coming over the day I leave hospital. It's family like cousins, auntys, uncles I don't want here straight away.

 

t - October 11

i am very concerned about this issue as well its stressing me out really bad, i have no problem with my parents and my boyfriends parents being theere while im giving birth in the waiting room but its the other people like my aunt and cousins and others, they make comments to me even now how they think i wont be able to be a mom or take care of my baby and make me feel incompetent, i dont want them at the hosptial trying to act like my baby is theirs..with me laying in the bed half dead feeling from labour, i dont want to be seen like that either in a hospital bed. this is my first baby and im young i talk to my mom about this and she says i shouldnt be able to say whos there or not and it is my aunts and cousins and so forths's expereince too and she gets mad at me, i dont know waht to do i dont want to hurt people's feeligs but i feel very strongly about them not being there, i know that my mom will call them the second im admitted to the hospital and they will hit it there... what should i do?

 

M - October 12

i had all my inlaws and my sisters, mom dad, 2 sets of grandparents all in the room while I was in labor, but I also had an epidural and I was confortable, when i started feeling pressure and they checked me everyone left the room but my mom. When it came time to start puching my MIL and husband and mom were in the room but the hospital only allowed 3, Iwould of let another female come in there but it was policy. It is a very special time but I want to share the it with my family as well. When I was in labor I didnt' care who was in the room with me but when it come down to pushing, no males other than my hubby. Don't worry about it, it will all work out and just remember that the whole family wants to share the special moment too, but i also see were some of them are coming from with just the hubby in the room. Everyone is diff and I am very close with my family and I like to share the special time with all of them, goo-luck..

 

Julie - October 12

There are just some parts of me that can be left to the imagination by other family members. The only person I want in there is my husband. I am not close with my mom so she will not be in there and I don't want anyone else driving me nuts. It was only my husband and I with my son and everyone else came after. It worked out great. I don't want everyone else looking you know where when this happens. I am a private person and the entire family does not need to see all of me!

 

ws - October 12

Are we talking about in the delivery room or just at the hospital. There's a HUGE difference!

 

pbj - October 12

I'm really not trying to be rude, but I've really never heard of not wanting your family there when you give birth. I always imagined that as soon as I had my child everyone would be cheering in the waiting room. I guess I've always thought it was this way, my in-laws, parents, and friends are so excited I wouldn't dream of asking them to stay away. Besides, they're family, I want my daughter to get to know them from the very beginning. My husband and I will get plenty of alone time with her at 3:00 am feedings. He He! I really don't want to make anyone angry cause obviously everyone is different...I guess I just feel a birth is a happiest occasion any family can celebrate.

 

Germs - October 12

One thing that I am a freak about is germs. Yes my mom and dad will come after I have the baby and my MIL will be bringing my son. But my sisters will probably wait until after the baby comes home because they all have school age children that harbor germs. The last thing you need with flue season approaching is a bunch of people carrying germs around your new baby. Call me paranoid but I was the same way with my 3 year old and still am. If I know someone has a cold they don't enter my house. My son has hardly been sick due to my paranoia! I thought we were talking about visiting and the delivery? It is also important for visitors to call ahead. I would rather have the visitors in the hospital because once you get home you are going to want to rest and adjust.

 

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