Inconsiderate Mother In Law What To Do

20 Replies
MelG - April 18

I am due in June and it's the first grandchild for my husband's mother. She has been asking us for years when we would have a child. When we finally got pregnant, I thought she would be excited. Anyway, she came over a few days ago to bring some baby presents. I was excited to see what she would bring. When I opened up the bag, I was shocked to find a bunch of junky, used items from Goodwill. Many had stains and looked terrible. A couple weren't even for kids, they were for dogs. I was so disappointed and have been depressed about this since. My husband spoke to her and said it was not appropriate for her to give items from Goodwill for a new baby, but she stated that she did not agree. I feel so sad because I was hoping that she might be able to help out and provide something worthwhile for the baby (as she buys herself nice things quite often). But I realize, she will not be helping us out at all.

 

maxsmom - April 18

Dear Mel I am sorry for your disapointment. It seems as though your MIL would not be so thoughtless. A piece of advice for the future- expect nothing, then you will not be disapointed if she continues this kind of behavior. It's not worth letting yourself get upset about.

 

Tye - April 18

Awe, you poor thing-thats aweful! I would have been hurt too. In fact I wouldn't blame you if you gave the stuff back as to say thanks but no thanks. I'm glad your husband said something. The advice to expect nothing and you won't be dissappointed is good in theory, but it is a bit harder to do in reality exspecially if you did expect her to be a piller of support. Goodluck hon-you'll be in my thoughts, try to not let it get you too down. Just focus on the important thing-you'll be a mommy soon!

 

Steph - April 18

Normally when people give gifts, they should not be used. I have hand me downs for my son from my sister's boys, but I would think it odd if someone sent or gave me a gift that was from a second hand store. I don't really want to hear the excuse from people that baby stuff is so expensive, as I've gotten a number of cute outfits for my son at Kmart and Walmart for $5.99/$7.99 per outfit. The fact that they are stained is nasty and that some clothes were made for dogs....yuck.

 

1Sttimemomy - April 18

i understand where you are coming from my MIL is crazy and when we told her we were having a baby all she said is "really that's nice" ever scence she found out i was pregnant she acts like she can not stand me like i am taking her baby away from her she calls him like 10 times a day for him to come over and do stupid little things that she can do and she always has rude things to say to me like the other day she said you are getting huge are you sure you are not having twins and then she said you better not have twins poor charlie he will be pulling his hair out .HIM i would be carring them and delivering them and staying home with them during the day and anyways i am not having twins and nobody can even tell i am prego and i am not a big person naturally she is just rude scence i became pregnant so when your MIL makes you mad just grin and bare that is what i do i don't know what to do MIL suck

 

Hi - April 18

I feel your pain MelG.My situation is a bit different as i am pregnant and my fiance's oldest sister is also.She's 5weeks ahead of me.My fiance's first child,his sister's third.His mom told us back in Jan. that she planned to take his sister on a 3 hundred dollar shopping trip in Feb. and me in march.She took his sister and i still havent went on mine.We have spoke to her once last month (he called her) she said she's just been so busy is why she hasn't called.No mention of our lil trip.About a week and a half ago i sent her ultrsound pic's of the babby at 30 weeks.Thinking maybe she'd call him to check in or something.nothing.All i get is an invitation in the mail to his sister's baby shower.Like i should go buy her baby somthing when everyone else already is????no one has bought one single thing for mine and everyone acts like they are fine with this.Talk about rude people.geesssh.Sorry for venting ladies ..:(

 

ReneeM - April 18

Hooray for your husband standind up for you though! Alot of times men will not stand up to their mothers and the wife is left to defend herself against the MIL. If you want to be nasty (and that is up to you) you could give the stuff back. Or if you just throw it away. But that is very inappropriate to give you used items and call it baby presents. Any way, I would just keep what she did in the back of your mind because someday it will come back to haunt her.

 

meme - April 18

I don't object to items gotten from thrift stores. Most of my baby's clothes are hand-me-downs. But that these things she purchased for you were not gently used or new from a thrift store... in fact that they were more like dirty & contaminated, is odd. Even stranger is that she has no problem buying herself new things, from the sound of it. Does she have mental health issues?

 

Renee-Marie - April 18

Thats just weird. I have no issues with hand-me-down clothing, but you would think that for a first grandchild, you'd splurge a little??? Call me crazy... I dunno. Beware if she gets you anything else from Goodwill such as highchairs or other baby items that could potentially be "OLD" in the eyes of safety standards. Good luck with this one MelG. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. :-(

 

San - April 18

That sucks MelG and I can relate to inconsiderate/annoying MILs. With the first baby, she was all weird because hubby & I hadn't been together all that long as well as different religious backgrounds. That got all settled and now baby #2 is on his/her way and we thought it'd be nice for her to tell her family (they all live about 2 hrs away). We go to hubbys aunts for dinner last week and everyones eyes bugged out of their heads when my 30 weeks old belly & I walked in the door...she hadn't said a word to anyone. Needless to say we were very diasppointed and hurt about it all. I can't believe your MIL doesn't understand why you were upset about stained "gifts" for the baby. Lol Meme, I often think my MIL has mental health issues. Good luck to you MelG...sorry I don;t have any advice for you but I understand where you're coming from!!

 

Kiddolebel - April 18

MelG, your mother in law actually sounds like my mother. She sends my son things that are used and scratched up...plus she smokes so we have to either A. throw the item out or B. work our b___ts off to get it cleaned. She has been doing nothing but buying used things for this baby as well. Just annoys me that she doesnt understand when we say we dont want the items. She goes out and buys HERSELF new nice things, so why not for my kids. hmph.

 

ashley - April 18

I agree. I think when you give a "gift" it should be new things. Now its different with hand-me-downs form other family members who have had children, which I always offer my daughters old clothes to my sister-in-law, but I ask if she could use any of it, not say I bought you a gift. Im sorry how distaseful. Maybe never time her birthday rolls around you could go pick something nice out at good will and let her see how it feels.

 

Chrissy - April 18

I'm so sorry but I had to laugh out loud when I read the part about some of the stuff being for dogs!! You're mother in law is a wacko, and so is mine. I feel for you MelG. My mother in law is just awful. I swear she has been waiting for something to happen all along this pregnancy waiting for me to lose the baby or something because of the weird,off the wall,rude comments she has made. I try so hard not to let her get to me but she is SUCH a witch and I can't stand her. I feel so bad that my poor baby will have her for a grandmother. At least my mom is awesome, she will make up for the miserable MIL.

 

AML - April 18

My Mom, Grandma, and my Fiances Mom (and me too!) have bought some things from goodwill or once upon a child, I dont mid at all considering I am not able to go out and buy everything new...but the things they do buy arent dirty or nasty....half of them still have tags on them....but they have also went out and spent tons of money already on new things (clothes, furniture, etc) I am not being picky at all, I will take what I can get....but it does seem a little rude of your MIL to do that! This is also the first grandchild for both of our parents! I have gotten some things from friends that were just so stained up and grungy...I just said thanks and either threw it away or gave it to someone who wanted them for play clothes! Maybe once the baby is born (or even before) she will buy new things! Good Luck! The advice on expecting nothing is good but hard to do in reality!

 

MelG - April 19

Thanks ladies for your words of encouragement. I do think my MIL has issues with me as I have the same situation as Chrissy. She frequently has nothing but rude things to say to me (my house didn't look clean, my clothes did not look good, etc.). My husband is from the Ukraine so she has all kinds of stories for me of babies dying as well. After this happened, I talked with my mom about it and my mom thinks she is jealous of me. But why take it out on a defenseless baby?? It's not so much me that I care about, it's just sad that my child won't get to experience a loving grandparent like I had.

 

Karen S - April 19

Im so sorry to hear about that. You would think that a person that is going to be a grandparent would go all out and want brand new everything for him/her. I really hope everything works out for you. Are you having a baby shower? If you are you will get a tons of help there! Good Luck with everything

 

miraclebaby - April 19

I am curious if your husband confronted her, he should be the one to say something to her.

 

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