Military Wifes Please Help

5 Replies
mindymay - June 21

i need to vent a bit and get some info. my husband is not in the military, but is looking at a job as a civilian to help the army in kuwait. we are having our first baby and if he leaves he wont even see our son be born. and then he will be gone a whole year. i am not moving to quwait with him. but i hate the whole idea of this c__p. how do you all handle it? all i seem to do is keep crying. my husband knows i hate this idea, but knows i wont hold him back either. again please help

 

Mellissa - June 21

hi mindymay... i posted a thread on here the other day wondering if there were any military wives giving birth while their husbands are away. it doesn't look like there are a lot, other than me. :( i don't know what company your hubby is looking into working for, but a friend of mine has a hubby who works for general dynamics and he was in iraq for about 3 1/2 years. with that company, they got to come home every three months for a week, so that was nice. how far along are you? i've heard civilians are a lot more flexible when it comes to allowing the contractors to come home for important events, such as a birth. my husband has been gone since i was about 4 months pregnant, and i'm 36 weeks now. at first i handled it okay, but as my due date approaches, i am becoming a basketcase. i feel like i NEED him here and it's really beyond my control. the only thing keeping me sane is that my mom and sister are living with me while he is deployed. do you have any family around you? is there any way at all your husband would be able to put off taking the job until after the baby is born? it's heartbreaking either way because he can either miss the birth, or miss the first year of your baby's life. my hubby left when my daughter was 4 months and came home when she was almost 18 months. he missed all the important things like when she first sat up, her first words, her first steps... and with this baby he is missing the birth, but will be here for all the other important things. the one good thing about being pregnant while he is gone, is that time has flown by really fast. with each dr. appointment, i get to think Chad is one month closer to coming home! I would ask your husband to look into what the company's policy is regarding him taking emergency time off when it gets close to your due date. sorry if i haven't helped much, but i'm definitely here if you need to talk.

 

Ang - June 21

I dh is in the military and left Nov4th and is to return Aug18th. We lucked out that he was here when our son was born but I think it's after the birth that you should be more concerend about. I had no one to help me out and ended up getting very very sick, to the point that I was in the hopital for 3 weeks. My son was able to stay with a friend (he was 3 months). I feel bad that my dh is missing everything but it was his decision to leave and there's nothing I can do about it now. E-Mail and phone calls (though they are far and few between) will save your lives!! It's hard not having him here but taking it a day at a time and no dwelling on it helps a lot.

 

Rebekah B - June 21

Mindy: There is not a lot that one can say to take away the fear and tears. I would go with Melissa's advice and find out how well the company will deal with letting your husband come home for the birth. I am a big advocate of standing beside your husband, but just as much an advocate of Family first. When my husband is sent overseas, he has no choice, it is his duty and one that he does most honorably. For that, I am behind him and grateful for his service. I don’t know your situation, but I can only guess that your husband feels this great need to go to Kuwait as a way to serve his country when he can’t join the military; a very noble man indeed. However, if it is only about money, then maybe there is some way to change his mind. If he goes, the best thing you can do is stay positive and surround yourself with positive people. The best thing I could have done was stay close to the women who were in the same situation. I am sure that his company will have some resource for you to connect to other women in the same circ_mstance. But they have to be strong and optimistic as well…otherwise run. Kuwait is not a bad place to be. For the most part, they are with us. There is more support, less insurgence, and it is far safer than Iraq. It will be okay. Hold your head up, cry when you need too, but get back up, shake it off, and learn to love all the blessings in your life. This experience, if he goes, can make you and your relationship with your husband stronger if you let it. Please let me know if I can do anything. If he goes, I will be happy to be a friend. Take care and smile. There is a reason for everything.

 

carol23 - June 21

I posted in the second trim. forum . =) be strong.

 

Jamie - June 22

My husband is in the military; we're in Germany. It's possible that your husband is looking at the dollar signs of the job, because civilian contracters get paid INSANE amounts of money, especially if they're in combat zones. (i.e., Kuwait) The thing is, being military, or being a civilian contractor, the whole family needs to be onboard...it's not fair of him to choose to take this job, even if the money is great, if you're not supportive of the idea. I think you need to sit down with him, and find out exactly why he wants to take this job, and tell him exactly how you feel about it.

 

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