Mother Inlaw Problem

11 Replies
Tanaja - May 5

Ok so a long time ago I discussed with my husband that I did not want his mom in the delivery room with me. I just wanted my mom and him. So yesterday at my doctor's appt. He all of a sudden acts like he's so hurt and his mom's feelings are going to be hurt if she's not included in it. I CANNOT stand my MIL and I do not want her in there. He says that my mom irritates him so he wants it to just be the two of us then. I am at my wits end on this because I am sooooo sorry but who's the one givin' birth here???? Is there anyone else that's going through the same thing?

 

Brittany - May 5

I'm not going through the same thing but I know how you feel! I can't stand mine either! It's totally up to you who you want, you are the birthing mother and your going to be the one doing all the work. Maybe video tape it or take pictures for your MIL just to get your husband off your back, make it clear to your husband that it's your decision. Nurses even make sure your comfortable and will kick out anyone you don't want around you. As for your mom being in there with you, thats YOUR mom, you have a close bond with her! I didn't think hospitals let more than two people in the delievery room with you. If I was going through a smililar situation and my husband got on my back really really bad, to the point where he wouldn't compromise...I'd pretend the hospital had a policy of only two support persons with you during delievery. Good luck, I really hope things work out for you!!

 

Tye - May 5

I would think your mother in-law would know better than that. I mean it's different when it's your own daughter so it is only natural that bio-mom and daughter should share that experience together. I bet this is more your husbands issue and shame on him for trying to put a guilt trip on you during a time where he should be doing nothing but supporting your decisions about YOUR delivery. You are the one who should call the shots-it's your body! I say if you want your mother and not his -that's what you ought to do. It's to bad your husband doesn't support that-but this is about your needs-not his nor anyone elses!!! Go ahead and call the shots and (I'm sorry) to hell with how people feel about it!

 

Tanaja - May 5

Thank you so much, I think I'm going to stick to my guns and do what I want. I'm tired of worrying so much about what other people might feel or think. I'm the one who's going through this not them! I just wish people would listen to me and stop thinking that I'm intentionally trying to be mean.

 

Alycia - May 5

I've actually read that having someone you are not comfortable with near you during birth can actually hinder the process - no WAY should you invite someone in that you're not comfortable with.

 

mommietobe - May 5

Labor is hard enough, so you do what you feel will make it easier for you. My husband tried to pull this with me our first go around, almost same thing. I know I needed my mom there and was very glad she was, it helped alot. Stick to your guns and don't worry about the bs. If your mil gets p__sed and she might , she will get over it !

 

Prissanna - May 6

I can't imagine anyone (like a MIL) thinking they should be in there in the first place unless they are invited. Is this her first grandchild? Perhaps that's her problem. My SIL went through the same thing only she could only have 2 people in the room so she chose her mother and her husband and her MIL got mad about it. She didn't think SIL's mother should be in there if she couldn't. PUHLEASE!!!!!! Personally I only want my husband in there. I'm a very private/modest person and even though I love my Mom dearly, I'd prefer for her not to be in there.

 

HannahBaby - May 6

I had my mother, my sister in law(brothers wife), my husband, and his sister. My MIL lives 12 hours away and i would not feel comfortable with her in the room either. I love my mother in law but dont really have a relationship with her as she lives so far away. I think that it is totally up to you, your the one giving birth. My moms a little sarcastic and annoying at times and my husband didnt want any drama during labor and delivery but he knew how important it was that she was there so he never said a word about it

 

TaraNMatt - May 6

I hate to say it, but even though she is awful you will create permanent bad blood if your mom is allowed to go and she is not. I have the same situation only my MIL and mom want to go, but I know my mom will drive me over the edge so I just told both of them that I hate to hurt their feelings but I think I will only be comfortable with the two of us. My advise is don't start a war b/c your MIL will never forgive you, not to mention the hell she's going to give to your husband. Its all or none my dear.

 

HannahBaby - May 6

i dont think thats fair at all. You only give birth a few times in a life and you should have in there who you want, not people you are just afraid to hurt. obviously Tanaja doesnt like her mother in law ("I CANNOT stand my MIL and I do not want her in there") So im sure that shes not worried about bad blood. I say Tanaja make your own decisions and dont let anyone pressure you into doing something that will make your uncomfortable

 

Kiddolebel - May 6

I agree with hannahbaby and everyone else. Its your body and YOUR birth...no one elses...its totally up to YOU and ONLY you who goes in there during the delivery. Good luck Tanaja!

 

Chrissy - May 6

I agree with Hannahbaby. Oh my goodness! There is no way in He** that I would allow my mother in law in the room. The thought makes my blood boil! Oh God! No way! No way! No way! She can wait in the waiting room like everyone else. If you want your mom and hubby in there, that is totally normal. I think its weird for a MIL to be in there. I am a private person too and don't need extra people seeing me in that compromised position, especially my MIL who has never been very nice to me to begin with. She would enjoy seeing me in pain too much! No way, don't give in Tanaja. It's your body, and your experience, stick to your guns! Good luck girl!

 

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