MY M I L IS COMING HELP

6 Replies
Stacey - November 25

Ok, I am about to give birth to my first child and my mother in law announced over the phone yesterday that she will come down for a " month or so" to help me with the baby!!!! Holy shit!!!!! I don't want her to. i mean I get along with her superficially.... but her staying with us so she can tell me how to take care of the baby, i don't want that! I am looking forward to my baby and want to rely on my maternal instincts and not haev to hear " well I raised 4 children... blah blah blah" what to do, what to do?? anyone else have a MIL like that???

 

to Stacey - November 25

I feel your pain. She is crazy if she thinks its ok to come and stay a month! I would say that it is up to your dh to tell her that it is unessary for her to stay with you that long. You need your alone time w/ your new family. She should come and stay a week at the most. Also maybe not even the first week but he second week. Do you have a spare room for her? Don't let her bully you but I guess from now on you have to pick your battles. How far away is she?

 

kaitlin - November 25

I have a similar situation, but I think it's my dh that is pushing it. I've made it clear that she is only staying a couple of days and then leaving. She can come back after a couple of weeks and stay a week. It's only fair - she lives far away and has a right to see her first grandchild. However, a full week with it should be plenty. And by then, I'll be a bit more used to being a mom. I wouldn't leave it to your dh to do this, either. Guys are really bad at that sort of thing - momma's boys and all. I have the same superficial relationship with my m-i-l but I know she understands where I'm coming from and realizes when she's overstepped. She was okay with it. I even cut out Christmas, as I may be delivering then and even if I'm not, I can't commit to having the whole family up for Christmas if I may be in pain and suffering. You have to be firm. It's your body/house/baby.

 

Emy - November 26

I agree with the first post. It is up to your dh to lay down the law...lol. You have enough to worry about. He should be firm and yet nice in telling her that although you both appreciate it, you have talked about it, and you really want to be alone with your new family. But, you might appreciate her being there for a week so you can catch up on much needed sleep and I am sure she cooks well too. My mom is coming to live with us for the first week but I could not imagine her staying longer!

 

Jamie - November 26

You know, you might be overreacting a little. I would've loved it if either my mother in law (whom I've never met) or my mother had been able to attend the birth of my daughter, or able to stay with me after she was born. Your MIL may want to stay with you so that she can help out with little things like housework, while you take care of the baby, or she'll be willing to take care of the baby while you get some much needed rest. It's HARD doing it alone. I was released from the hospital, and first thing I did was go to the grocery store, because we had no food; as soon as we got home, I cooked dinner...and then I cleaned the house, and then I was up all night with a newborn! I got *NO* rest, because I didn't have anyone to help me with the baby. My husband was next to useless at the time - didn't know how to boil water, and couldn't sweep a floor to save his life, much less change a diaper. (He's learned since then) So...don't bank on having her there being a horrible experience...after all, she HAS had four children, so she does know just how exhausting labor is - after all, whne was the last time you got a good night's sleep? And, labor is called "labor" for a reason - it's pretty d__n hard work. Then, add in a newborn who needs almost constant attention, and you are going to be dead on your feet - so maybe having her around will be a good thing, you know?

 

Lesley - November 26

Jamie I agree with you to a certain degree. After I had my 3rd baby I wanted noone here. Only my partner and my children. I left most of the housework for a while, cos it does keep. I only did the hoovering and washing up untill I was fully recovered from all afterpains. I would hate to have someone else under my feet while I'm trying to bond with my new baby. Especially my MIL!! She is soooooo snobby. Everything has got to be perfect for her. Completly spotless. She is forever talking down to me because I don't do housework to her expectations. If she even made 1 comment on how I rais my children she will find herself with my shoe in her gob. She might of had 2 children but she would palm them off with whoever would have them. Mind I would like a bit help now. I need to tidy the bedrooms and can't be arsed in the slightest! Might give my MIL a call LOL! She will do it spotless :-D

 

Annette - November 26

Can it be so bad? I don´t know what is worse, that or like my MIL who has shown no interest whatsoever in the baby and quite honestly, even if she volunteered now to come, I would not want her anyway, I would just not want anyone telling me how to take care of my baby. But if she is coming anyway and you can´t stop her, try to make the best of the situation. Maybe you could use some help with the house and shopping, and even with the baby. And whenever you feel she is pushing it too far, just politely tell her you would like to take it from there because "you want to practice what you learnt from watching her". I know some of you would like to grab me by the neck right now, but really, how bad can it be?

 

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