Need To Vent

9 Replies
Annie - February 3

Hi, I just want to vent about what happened to me yesterday, I'm sure many of you have dealt with this "good intentionated people" Yesterday I went to the party of a child's friend and there it was this lady who had 2 children naturally, This is the second time in my life that I see her, the first one she was very nice and I really opened and told her that I wanted to try to go natural for my labor and if it doesn't work then I'll get the epidurial, but at least I want to try.. This time she started the conversation in a very challenging way: "Are you still sure you want to go naturally", with a very nasty smile at the end... then she went on and on telling me that I should be prepared and ask my dr. for an epidurial, that labor is horrible, that she felt so miserable when her babies were born, and she continue the horror story into postpartum and obviously br___tfeeding, which obviously for her is something you really have to do but you don't enjoy. I ended the conversation very angy and try to stop her telling her that for me it doesn't help to hear the bad stuff, that I'm the kind of person that tries to be positive and think that everything will go OK, I don't want to set my self to failure. I wanted to ask you, if you have dealt with this type of women, how do you stop them form going into this type of not helpful conversations? Thanks


Lindsay - February 3

Yes, I notice that a lot of mothers do this, its like a rite of pa__sage for them to intimidate and horrify new mothers and I think its f*cked up and awful. Lemme try to undo some of her damage with another story (although we all know every labor is dif bladdy blah) My mom has helped me a lot, Ive decided to get an epidural just bc I have no need to try natural, I dont really care...although I completely understand ppl who wanna try. My mom had 4 children with no meds on any of them, the last she had at home. She tells me at least in her experience labor really isn't that bad. She says its very tiring, and it is painful, but nothing like the horror stories, nothing you can't handle easily. She says during transition it starts to get bad enough to the point where you are like 'well maybe I should get some meds' but only because youre scared it will get worse, and then transition is over and your pushing, she says pushing is a great satisfaction physically, and you get a burst of energy knowing youre almost there! Basically she said labor is a challenge but you can definitely make it with no meds (if youre healthy and all is well) and not to listen to anyone who says you cannot. Let me tell you, once I have pa__sed this labor stuff, I will remember how these mothers treated me, and I will be one of the few who tells good stories. I was in the hospital at 29 weeks with a failing kidney and my grandma came in to my HOSPITAL ROOM and started telling me about her 45 hour labor and how she almost died and Im laying there moaning in pain thinking WOW this is really do people get away with such rudeness ? People have different pain tolerance levels too, so do what I do and when you hear someone b___h about birth like you'll never make it through without help, realize they are in the lower pain tolerane level, and just smile smugly and think about what big pussies they are. You can make it with no meds if you really care about it and are healthy. Good luck to you, and I admire your verocity in the face of these retards! Remember when youre in labor, here's one more person who thinks you can make it on your own...GO ANNIE!!!


Jessica NY - February 3

I'm sorry to hear that you've had that happen Annie. Unfortunately it happens a lot. People can really talk without thinking sometimes, to them, they mean well and are only trying to tell you the truth but in reality they're really inconsiderate of your feelings. We're worried enough as it is without hearing horror stories. I get them constantly from my in-laws. I usually try not to listen and act the part too, staring around the room, asking questions about a completely different topic when they're still talking, they often get the message and shut up. I've tried once to tell them I'd rather not know and it ended badly, they thought I was being stuck up and didn't want any advice from them, really I don't but I didn't want to cause any friction as well so instead, my ignoring the stories and pretending to be distracted works best. I didn't think their stories had affected me until lately, I'm now 40 weeks and in the past week or so I've really been thinking about all those horrible things that could happen and it is really scary. I'm trying too to stay positive as I also want to try to deliver naturally although I'm very flexible - if I can't handle the pain I'm opting to have pain relief. Good luck Annie and don't let people like her discourage you.


Lupe - February 3

Yes, why don't gals share more pleasant stories?!!! I guess they enjoy the drama. I know some labors are very difficult, but it doesn't have to be a Greek tragedy. My thoughts are to educate yourself. There's a great book, The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin, that goes through the phases of labor and gives ideas on positions, etc. that can be helpful. Transition will probably be the most intense, and this is when the medical staff is likely to ask if you'd like the epidural then. At that stage you're feeling exhausted, and perhaps thinking, "OMG, I can't do this!", BUT - know that transition is the shortest're almost there....those last few centimeters are a doozy, but just know that you CAN make it through them without drugs! I know that having an epidural is the right choice for many women, but there is much data on its negative aspects. Your body knows what to do...give it the chance to. Take each contraction as it comes, without fear of whether the next one will be more than you can handle. It won't. It will be intense, but you can handle each contraction, one by one, until the sweet little one is in your arms and your body rewards you with those feel-good endorphins.


Amy - February 3

Thanks all for your support, I guess there are some hard labors, I'm actually excited and happy to be able to give birth, even if it hurts, I think is going to be a very rewarding event once I hold my baby in my arms.


to Annie - February 3

Hi Angie. I was thinking that I might do the same, you know tell someone that natural was horrible and how I'd strongly recommend an epidural. But I wouldn't be doing it to be nasty!! I would be doing it because I'd feel that no one should have to go through what I did! It's not Greek tragedy, you are right. Having your baby at the end is soo great. But I would just like to spare someone else the agony. But regardless of how much it does or doesn't hurt, I'm sure you'll be fine. Everyone has to make their own choice but if I had known how much pain I could have saved myself by going epidural, I would not have gone through with natural. But I wouldn't pa__s on bad birth stories because that serves absolutely no purpose and doesn't help anyone, except the gossipers. I guess I don't consider going 'natural' a bad birth story, it's just one of many possible ways of having your baby. All the best on labor day...!


Annette - February 3

The problem is that everyone wants to have an opinion in your life, especially saying afterwards "SEEEEEE? I TOOOOOLD YOUUUUU" . It´s just nobody´s business to tell you what you will be able to do or not while giving birth. Labor is horrible, we ALL know that; epidural, c-section, all natural, I can´t recall anyone saying they actually enjoyed it, some had it easier, some harder. Some people prepare 9 months for a natural delivery and end up having a C because things don´t work out as expected. Some women get epidurals than don´t work and have to have natural deliveries. With labor and birth nothing is black and white, the best we can do is plan and adjust to the circ_mstances. I have heard 2 comments I personally loved, one was "the only thing you know for sure is that the baby will come out" SO TRUE. and "Once you are in labour, you want to get out of there so ASAP that time flies". The way I deal with these comments (people LOVE telling me I can´t have a v____al delivery because I am very pet_te) is "nothing yet says I can´t, and if last minute things change I guess I am still having this baby, so we´ll see".


jas - February 5

Want a good story? (I am hoping this little one will be like my son) but when I had my son, there wasn't any time for meds, epidurals, etc... Yes, there was pain, but labor and delivery went so FAST it was over before I really said ouch. Labor wasn't that bad, just felt like a bad backache. You can do anything you set your mind to and don't let anyone tell you different!


Annie - February 6

Thanks ladies, I think everywoman has her right to choose the birth she wants to have. I know it will hurt, but I'm trying to do what I think is best for my baby and me. Some people like this opinonated lady show their ignorance by saying that you should use and epidurial because it doesn't have any side effect whatsoever. I welcome them to read a little bit more, I had a D&C because of a miscarriage and ended up with horrible spinal headaches and pa__sing out for three days, (because of the anesthesia). I hope I can make it without drugs, I would hate going again thru the same thing or affecting my baby in anyway. You see, I had a horrible experience with a Spinal, but I'm not trying to scare the heck out of the moms that want to use anesthesia for labor... I've heard both sides of the story and I think it depends on the way you approach labor, my mother in law told me that she had a huge sense of accomplishment after delivering naturally my husband and that she wouldn't have change it for anything.


Nicole - February 7

Annie, don't you find it funny that this woman who had not one but two natural childbirths was telling you these horror stories? It sounds like she thinks she is stronger than you or something. She doesn't even know you so how can she possibly know what your pain tolerance is going to be? And if it was so horrible the first time why would she put herself through it for a second time? If you ask me I would completely disregard her comments, it sounds like she just wanted to scare you.



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