Not Related To Pgnancy But PLS Need Comforting

14 Replies
Annette - January 15

I am sorry for using this forum for "not pregnancy" purposes, but here I have found very supportive people who are always willing to help and make me feel better. I am 36 weeks pg now and just when I thought my life was great, my mom calls me last night to tell me she was diagnosed with br___t cancer at an apparently advanced stage. We are all overwhelmed and confused, doctor says there is very little we can do until she has a surgery and a biopsy to check how bad things look inside. We live very far away from each other (it´s a 5 hrs. flight! ) and not only I was counting on her to come and be here for my baby´s birth, but being so far away and so far along in my pregnancy, I can´t be there with her at the hospital and even if I could, I would not be much of a help. I am so scared and impotent right now, we don´t know if surgery will be as simple as removing a lump or as bad as it can get; I am also worried all the stress might affect my baby. I need her to help me with the baby, I am affraid I can´t do this alone (dh is with me, of course, but he is even more scared about having a newborn!). I apologize again for posting this, but any support will be appreciated; only positive replies, PLEASE, I feel really really bad.


Karen - January 15

Annette, I am SOOOOOO sorry to hear about your mom. This has to be a very difficult situation for you. I would suggest that you two just talk to each other as much as possible because I am sure she is feeling the exact same way you are. You have to know that you are strong enough to take care of the baby and you will need to focus your energy on the baby as much as possible because the stress is just not good for either one of you (and that includes your mom). Try to think positive thoughts. Breast cancer treatments have come a very long way and there is a lot of hope for survivors. Read up as much as you can so you know what to expect and what the different scenarios could be, but at the same time try not to internalize the worst case scenarios. My father-in-law pa__sed away last week after a very sudden illness that was very difficult and stressful for all to handle. It has been really rough for us, but other family has been so comforting and has really stressed how important it is for me to take care of myself for the baby's sake. You need to stay strong and do the same. Everything will be okay.


Emy - January 15

Oh hon, I am so sorry you have to go through this. I will be sending prayers your way for your mom. Please don't worry on top of your stresss, how it will affect the baby. Your baby will be fine! She/He already has her/his little personality all ready and formed. You just don't need the stress on top of your impending birth and I am so sorry for the horrible timing (although the timing never would be good.) What I want to say is that it is great that they caught the cancer, even if at an advanced stage and no one really knows how bad things are until they take a look. That leaves room for optimism. My dh had the same thing with his adrenal gland when I was in the first trimester. Talk about stress - and the baby is growing wonderfully by the way. They had to remove the tumor and send it to biopsy to see how bad it was and if it had spread. There is a 5% chance of survival with adrenal cancer. Anyways, it came back wonderfully and it wasn't even cancer! All this to say that your mom's biopsy might come back that she has a very mild and treatable kind of cancer. Surgery will be the simple part, trust me. It is the biopsy and waiting that is the hard part and all you can do is pray and hope for the best. Remember, you won't know how bad it can be until you know for sure so try to stay focused on how GOOD it can be. I wish you the best of luck and will pray for your mom.


Maggie - January 15

Annette I'm so sorry. I do kind of know what you are going through. The day after my son was born my Mom told me she was diagnosed with cervical cancer, and she was going in for a full hystorectomy the following week. I was completely distraught over the thought of potentially losing my Mom right as I became one myself. She pulled through the surgery fine, and went for her radiation treatments. Today she is in remission, and has been for 5 years now. Her initial prognosis was not good, but she told me she kept a picture of my son with her and her bible because she draws her strength from her family and God. I don't know if you are religious, and I'm not trying to push it on you, I just wanted you to know what helped my Mom get through. I will pray for you and your Mom. I know it is really hard not to stress out, so I won't even tell you not to. If you feel like anything out of the ordinary is going on with you or the baby call your doctor right away. Please feel free to come back on here and seek any support you need, we are all here for you.


Rhonda - January 15

Annette,I am sorry to hear this about your mom.My sister has a lump in her b___st,and her doctor thinks it's probably b___st cancer.They are going to do surgery and do a biopsy on it.She is really scared.She also has many fibroids,and they want to do a hysterctomy,but only if she dont have cancer.She is 36,and her daughter is due to have a baby in late march,I am due the middle of march.This sort of thing is sooo stressful,I understand what you are going through.Just hang in there the best you can.


Annette - January 15

Thank you, everyone, for your words and yes, please, keep us in your prayers as I will for you and your beloved ones. Gosh, I wish noone had to go through this but I guess it is what life is about.


Lisa D - January 16

Annette, Don't apologize for using this site, that is why we are all here to help and listen to one another. My mother was diagnosed with Bone Marrow Cancer (late stage) but has survived over 5 years now. She has had some rough times but keeps on trucking. I got engaged in June and pregnant in July mainly because of my mom’s health. She now has a sever phenomena on top of everything else so I am a bit worried about her making it to my baby’s birth in April. Like you my mom wanted to come and help but how she is on oxygen 24/7 because she can’t breath well. Long story short, be glad you are this far along so she can see her grandchild one way or another. Even if it is through photos knowing she saw your baby will be a huge comfort. Then, as she most likely will, when she gets better it will just be icing that she can hold her grandchild. You will be in my thoughts. I know this is a difficult time and I wish you all the strength. Remember stress isn’t good for you, her or the baby so focus on the baby inside you and how great it is that she will be alive to know when s/he enters the world. Best to you and your family.


Annette - January 16

Lisa D, I am so sorry to hear about your mom; I understand what you are going through and.... not being able to do anything is what´s really frustrating, isn´t it? I really don´t want to start questioning WHY these things happen to good people; I don´t want to but I am sooo close. My mom has not been other than good to everyone, great mother, daughter, wife, friend, person... who is to blame for all this? I also think I would exchange anything on Earth to change the situation, but then I remember I will have a baby soon and he depends totally on me and I can´t be so selfish... Thank you for sharing with me and let´s hope and pray for the best.


dani - January 16

Annette, please don't apologize for needing support!Sometimes when something like this happens all close friends and family are overwhelmed tryingto deal with it their own way. It is always good to reach out and also to hear other's stories. Sometimes it can seem like you are the only one going through something awful, and you feel so scared and isolated. It can be oddly comforting to know that everyone has their struggles. I am 36 weeks along, and right before Thanksgiving I found out my sister, who is only a year older than me (37) and my absolute best friend and support in the world, had a recurrence of uterine cancer that was originally diagnosed almost 3 years ago. She had a total hysterectomy the first time (it recurred in the pelvic cavity), and never had a chance to have any children. So now it has returned, but her prognosos is good as it was extremely early. I have felt a lot of guilt, being pregnant and anticipating something joyful, while she is going for radiation treatments (she will be done right around my due date.) The timing is awful (never a good time for something like that, of course) and this whole thing has put so much stress on our family. We all wonder why it is happening, as she is an incredibly giving, strong, and selfless person. My one consolation is that she is just SO excited about our baby coming, it has been a bright spot in a really dark time. She was determined to throw me a wonderful shower, and did so despite not feeling great from the treatments. It gave her something positive to think about and plan for. It may be helpful to think of it like that...even though your mom and your whole family has to go through a hard time (my mom also had b___st cancer a few years ago...she is doing fine!) your pregnancy and baby will be a bright spot during a bad time, something for her to look forward to and pull her through. It is very hard when you feel there is nothing that you cna do to help...I am feeling the same way about my sister. Sometimes I don't even know what to say, so I just babble about stuff...tonight I caught myself complaining on the phone to her about how uncomfortable I was from the pregnancy, etc. and then I felt awful...she had just gotten back from a radiation treatment and I'm sure would pay a milllion dollars for that to be her complaint right now. I think you are far enough along that the stress will not affect your baby, but try to remain as calm as possible (it is hard, I know!), and just keep in touch with your her every day! I will say a prayer for your mom, and for you and your family. You will get through this. Life can be very unfair sometimes, but you do have your baby to look forward to, and that will be a gift of comfort to both you and your mom.


Annette - January 16

dani, you are right, it does help hearing other people´s stories; it gives me a lot of hope and courage. Don´t take me wrong, please! I wish NOONE on earth had to see a beloved one suffering, but all of them are such an example of strenght. I know, I am truly ashamed for feeling like I need comforting when I am not the one getting the worst. I have been talking to my mom many times a day and she is so brave and calmed that I should follow her example and focus on the good things (like how they were able to detect her tumor early enough to save her life and how confident the doctors are that she will be OK and even probably still be here for my baby´s birth, she said that´s what will keep her strong). I love her so much. I just wish I could do more than praying for all our dear ones, but I firmly believe that God will hear us and he won´t make us go through a hard grief without giving us the strenght we need for it. May he bless you all, girls; I am so happy I came here for your support.


Annette - January 19

It´s me again. My mom just had a biopsy surgery that tested positive for cancer and required a mastectomy. This right minute they are finishing to st_tch and seems she will be fine. Although I knew this would happen and it is all for the best, this is a bad nightmare, it all happened so fast. I want to stay strong and if as they say "God knows why these things happen", I would like Him to share it with me. The doctor is still optimistic she will be able to be with me when my son is born. We´ll see what happens next.


JennyC - January 19

Annette, I'm so glad to hear the little bit of good news about your mom. I agree with you that it would be much easier for God to let us know His plans before hand!! Or at least reasons for things that happen. But it sounds like you're being strong and things might be looking up a litte. We'll be thinking about your family. Please keep us posted.


dc - January 19

Anette: I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your mom. I have lived with cancer in my family since I can remember. My dad was diagnosed with lymphoma before I was even born, I am 30 years old right ow and In the last 30 years my dad had been dignosed 3 differnet times with Lymphoma. Each time the doctors gave him little to no hope. He lived 30 years with on and off cancer!! He has pa__sed on but not from cancer. Even though your mom has advanced cancer there is soooo much they can do for her. I really do believe that it takes faith and optomism to get thru this kind of situation. Some great books that helped me were: chicken soup for the surviving soul and chicken soup for the unsinkable soul. They were great! You have every right to be stressed and to be overwelmed. Your baby should be fine. Allow yourself to feel the way you do it is only natural. Dont feel guilty about how the stress may affect your baby, your baby will be fine. I wish all the best of luck to your mom and your entire family. Think positive and just rememeber doctors aren't god.


Annette - January 19

Thanks, JennyC and dc. I will get the books ASAP. I hate to hear about other people who has been around cancer. Piece of sh*t f***ing disease!!! (I know it is stupid, but I want to curse it so much!) Even though in my mom´s family the chances of getting cancer are the same of getting eyes, you are NEVER prepared for it. I already spoke with her, her mood is up and she said she is just fine and "she will fill up the hole in her chest with the love of her grandson". I almost crumbled there (I did, anyway, but later). Apparently her cancer did not spread beyond the b___st and there is even a good chance she will not even require chemoterapy. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, girls, if your mothers (just like mine) are "always too busy for a mammogram", or "their insurance doesn´t cover it", or "they will anyway eventually die of something", don´t let them!!!


Melanie - January 20

Annette, I just came across your post and am so happy about the outcome. Of course, a mastectomy is no walk in the park, but if the stupid, cursed disease hasn't spread, that is terrific news. You make sure to keep a good eye on your mams, too, so if you ever get a lump it can never develop very far. If your mum can't make the trip right away when your little one comes, you WILL be okay. I know what you mean about wanting her there, but you'll manage and it will be that much sweeter when she's able to visit and spend time with you and the new, sweet little bundle of joy.



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