18 Replies
Allie - January 27

I'm almost 30 weeks pregnant, I will like to know when baby showers are normally hosted. I moved to a new city and have make some new friends, I even visit at their houses or go for coffee, but no one has said anything about a babyshower, do I still have a chance of having one?, this is my first baby and I would hate not having a shower, should I just ask one of the girls with whom I have a very good relationship if she can help me organizing one? should I wait to see if they will offer? I was thinking asking my friend if she can help me organize it and we can have it in my house, would that be unpollite??? PLEASE HELP, I don't know what to do


JennyC - January 27

Allie - I'm the same situation. i'm 32 weeks and just moved to a new city. I haven't made too many friends, but I have 2 Aunts and some cousins I don't know very well. Back in September, when I called to tell her we were moving here, one Aunt said she would throw me a shower, but I haven't heard anything about it since then! I don't know what to do. This is our first baby. We broke down and bought all the essentials, but I've been holding out on things like bouncy chairs because they make good gifts. So far, we have only gotten a few blankets and my parents bought the car seat, but no other gifts. It makes me sad to think I might not get a baby shower, ever! So, I don't have any solution for you, but I do feel your pain. We have really bad timing on the move because I had a ton of friends in my old city and would have had so much fun during this time with them.


mel - January 27

I've noticed on this website that the issue of babyshowers is one of those that women have a great difference of views on, so I can give you my personal opinion on it, but that doesn't necessarily mean it is the right decision for you. My feeling is that a babyshower is a wonderful gesture that friends or family offer to do for you, not something a woman is "ent_tled to" for being pregnant. The thought of throwing your own shower, to me, does seem a bit impolite because your are "asking" people to give you "gifts" and buy you stuff. Now the fact that you've moved to a new city, puts you in kind of a unique situation, because there may not be anyone there that feels they are "close enough" to you yet to offer to do this. If I were going to ask someone to throw a shower for me it would only be my absolute most best friend. do you have someone from where you moved from that might be willing to throw a "virtual baby shower for you" via the internet? if so, maybe talk of this shower would prompt your new friends to throw one for you as well? or maybe just dropping hints about how you'll be missing out on a baby shower since you've moved away from your other friends and family? whatever you decide to do, good luck with it and remember, it's YOUR choice. this is only one woman's opinion. good luck with everything and I hope you get that shower! :-)


Annette - January 27

Normally baby showers are hosted after the 7th. month but you can have one even after the baby is born. I would say don´t be shy and ask for it, your friend and you can organize it together; fortunately nowadays the ettiquette is more relaxed. For my baby shower, I paid 100% , cooked pretty much all the food for 50 people, bought the favors and made the phone/email invitations, my mom put the house and my cousin arranged the decoration; I think noone cared about who did what and we had a lot of fun, I received tons of nice presents and the games were super funny. And I would say, if you are new in the city, this would be the best excuse to build stronger relationships, just tell your friends to help you with the games and catering so you can sit down and enjoy.


Jessica NY - January 27

Hi Allie, I had my shower at 36 weeks and everyone was trying to surprise me with one. Honestly I didn't want a shower because I've never liked being the center of attention (the only birthday party I had since being old enough to voice my opinions was when I turned 21) and everyone was planning a surprise one, I did say I would walk out if I was surprised with one so they had no choice but to tell me. Perhaps everyone is trying to surprise you? Speak to your friend about it, it's not at all impolite to plan a shower, it is supposed to be a party to celebrate the upcoming birth of your little one and to prepare the new mother for the new arrival so it's not rude to suggest one at all. In Europe it's done less than in the US so there it is a bit awkward to invite people to a shower, it's viewed a bit like a cheap tactic to scrounge for gifts in the UK (at least where I'm from) but here in the US I've learned the nicer side of it, that everyone likes to get involved with, it's all about people pulling together to prepare the mother and the mothers home for the baby. Everyone contributes and it makes them all feel good about themselves. Honestly Allie, go ahead and speak to your friend about it, prepare a registry or two at places that most people can get to easily. I felt awkward doing this at first but soon realized that people prefer to know what you want and need rather than guess and get you something you'll hide in the back of your closet for years to come. Good luck Allie!


Amber - January 27

My baby shower is planned for Feb 5th. Im due on the 14th, :P we keep joking that im going to go into labor at the shower. I wish!


JP - January 27

I say have your husband start the ball rolling with your friends. Once he mentions how he is going to throw you one, those women will jump right in and take over. It always happens.


Ashley N - January 27

Good luck, Allie! My mom has put together a shower for me with one of her friends, only 2 people have rsvp'd and I'm a little nervous about it! Things are pretty tight for me and hubby and I was really hopeing that a baby shower would help out. :( We are rather new to a church that throws them for first time moms but I think before anyone realizes I'm anywhere close to having the baby it'll be here!! I've only gained 23 lbs, I'm due March 1st and everybody keeps guessing I'm due in April.....I'm just not huge. *sigh* Time is running out for me, but in your case I would just ask a few of your new friends, "Would you guys help me with a shower?" or just be honest about your concern that it might be impolite but I bet your friend/s jump at the chance! I think if you don't say something you might regret it, and if your friends find out you didn't get a shower at all, they might feel bad. Good luck!!!!!!!


Allie - January 27

Thanks for the advise, I want the baby shower not for the gifts, but for the experience, I organized one for a friend some time ago, it was very small we were only 7 ladies, but had so much fun and we decorated the house very nice! I would hate to miss this experience, for me is like a party to celebrate that you are having a baby


Heather F - January 27

Allie - why not host a baby homecoming party after the baby comes? I am Jewish and in my family is the baby is a boy we have whats called a bris and if it is a gilr we have a baby naming - both parties celebrating the birth of the baby. Why not host your on party, send out invites as soon as the baby arrives, noone would come to your new baby's party without a gift! That way you get some of the essentials you dont want to buy and you also get to celebrate the baby!


have to agree with mel - January 27

i was in no way trying to hurt your feelings. i too live far away from my family and friends. and honestly my dh family has nothing to do with our kids, no bday cards no christmas presents etc. anyways wheni told some friends at work i was pg i never expected them to throw a baby shower for me. i like you was worried i wouldnt get one and im sorry if i came off being rude bc i wasnt trying to, also you had posted the post before i did and i didnt read that one, my fault. i threw a baby shower for a friend of mine a few years ago and the minute i told her i was pg, she stated "well i dont have the money to throw a shower for you" i was only 6 weeks along then. anyways i know im rambling but i would like to say again im sorry if i offended you bc that wasnt my intention at all.


mel - January 27

I think Heather F has a WONDERFUL idea! I also like the idea that JP had about having hubby start throwing one....because she's absolutely right, the women will take over in NO TIME! ha there are definatly ways around the situation.


amb - January 27

oo i agree i LOVE heathers idea. i am so fortunate to live by my mom and have great friends at work or i probably wouldnt be having a baby shower. with my first dd my dh family threw me a baby shower that only their family was invited to, no one else. now that im pg this time all my old friends want to fly out to attend the baby shower but its way too expensive so i feel yalls pain :-) hang in there!!! you still have some time left maybe its a surprise?


Alllie - January 27

have to agree with Mel, thanks for your apology. Since it's my first baby I wouldn't want to miss anything just because I moved, I think is such an special time when you have your first baby.


have to agree "me" - January 27

yes i do know that feeling as well. i was so excited when i had my first dd i too freaked out bc i didnt think anyone would throw a shower for me... turns out they were trying to surprise me, oops :-) i think us pg women have too many horomones and we cant help ourselves!! thanks for accepting my apology :-) its no excuse but im so very tired, im 31 weeks and i feel like im back in my first trimester! so im pretty grouchy!


Allie - January 27

Thanks all, for you're advise and support!, I guess I'm kind of freaking out that I would miss this. Maybe it's because I didn't have a Bridal Shower either, my MIL offered one, but later she was so jealous of me that she backed out, all my friends went to school out of town, including my only sister (My mom pa__sed away) So I ended up not having a bridal shower and until know I regret not doing anything about it, it sounds silly, but I feel like if I missed something before my wedding.... I'm going to be more patient and wait to see if someone wants to host it, other wise I guess I'll talk to my friend and just ask her if she can help me with invitations, games and her house and I can do the hard part cooking, decoration, etc... We have a good relationship and I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I ask.


Ginny - January 27

Hey, Allie. It is a shame that you moved when you did, and I totally understand wanting a shower. And Heather F's idea sounded great! You could have the party and the memories, without any misconception that you were making a gift grab. Also, the husband idea was pretty funny! Even though I'm usually pretty careful about etiquette, I point blank asked my 2 good friends if they would throw one because I knew my in-laws would volunteer, opening up the possibility of having a hell-ish situation similar to what happened when they helped with my wedding. My friend's understood (they had attended the wedding :-) and were excited. So, if you feel close enough to your new friends to come right out and ask, I say go ahead. If you still feel sheepish about it, maybe you could ask them to throw you a party and specify that it's JUST a celebration, no gifts expected. That way you would get the experience and fun, without worrying about the etiquette of a gift grab (and also, people would probably bring gifts any way). Let us know what you decide to do! And don't feel bad for wanting to have fun. Pregnancy is so uncomfortable, there should be some perks involved.



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