Poll On When In Laws Come Visit After Birth

7 Replies
Jenn2 - May 14

Here's the situation. My in-laws live in a different state than my husband and I (appx. a 10 hour drive from our house). While I get along with them...my husbands mom tends to be a compulsive worrier, and can be pretty over-bearing at times. We are about to have our first child (due date in 3 weeks), and I am worried about them flying down here immediately and staying at our house. My husband has a hard time telling his mom "no", and standing up to her. Its not that I dont want them to see their new grandbaby, but I wish they would at least give us a couple weeks to adjust to being new parents. On top of that my husbands sister's family lives 3 hours from us, and they have 2 kids that are (OUT OF CONTROL). They all came to visit today (b/c I had my shower), and their kids were running around the house screaming, jumping on our furniture, spilled a drink on our carpet, and were taunting our dog (who is leary of people she does not know very well). I am afraid the whole bunch is going to fly down here a day or two after I get home from the hospital, and I dont think I can handle it that soon!! Am I right for feeling this way? What did you guys do (given the situation was similar). I know some people are blessed with wonderful in-laws, and probably would love them there to help, but I think this situation might only cause more stress.


Been There - May 14

My, you are in a tough situation. Do they have to stay with you? Maybe you could tell them that you'd love for them to see the baby, but you also feel that you need the house to just be you, your husband and the baby at first so that you can adjust to the baby and be able to relax. My mother is planning to come visit when the baby comes and if my MIL wants to come, I'll be more than happy to allow her to stay. But, I guess I'm lucky because my MIL and mother will both spoil me and do anything I want so I can get some rest. Regarding your SIL, you need to put them and their children in check. It's your home, you pay the bills and no one should be allowed to disrespect it. I also don't understand why the parents allow the children to be so unruly in someone else's home. Unfortunately, the MIL and FIL visiting is something you'll need to work out with your husband. I think the situation with parents and children is very touchy. But your SIL and unruly kids is not something you should have to deal with...EVER! Good luck. I hope you find a solution that works for you.


Diane - May 14

Hey there, I also am in a similar situation, due date june 2nd and it is my folks who live out of state, 14 hrs away and will be coming immediatley after the call that my labor has started. We are very close and they don't want to be in the way so they will try to get a motel for the week, but they are not financially well off and will only be able to get one if the baby comes after the first of June. Also my house is very small and I will feel bad for my boyfriend to have to deal with the cramped surroundings. This is our 1st baby and I don't quite know how I feel about having visitors so soon after the birth.I love my parents and want them to be able to bond because it will be months before they get to come up again, but also want my privacy for the adjustment period too....Hmmm I know it will all work out no matter what just thought I'd share my dilemna too. Definetely looking forward to my mama's cooking and the help around the house :) Maybe you could suggest to your husband the idea about asking his folks if they have thought about renting a room somewhere for their stay so they(and you) can have privacy too while visiting?You know they will understand and probablly are worried about being in your guys way too..just a thought..GoodLuck!!


Mellissa - May 14

the soonest my in-laws will be flying in is 2 weeks after the baby is born. they always stay in a hotel when they come to visit, even if we have room for them. I think that you requesting a few weeks for you, your hubby and baby to adjust is perfectly reasonable. any woman who has had children, knows you will not be up to playing hostess right away. What you could do is tell them a specific date and just say, "I think that would be the perfect time for ya'll to visit because we will all be settled in, and I'll actually be able to spend time with you rather than sleeping through your whole visit!" or something that makes it look like it is also for their benefit. Hope all works out for you!!!


SuzieQ - May 14

Also, I've had some friends tell me that hubbies tend to feel left out during the first week when mil's are in town right away. That first week is a good time for you and dh to get used to the baby, and I am planning on asking family to not visit until a week after birth.


Chelle - May 14

Jenn I know what you're going through. I already had my baby, she's 9 months now. I'll tell you what I did. Mine and my husbands parents are divorced and remarried, so we had 4 sets of parents that wanted to come visit the new baby (They all live at least 600 miles away and all wanted to stay with us). I told everyone that although I would like everyone to come and visit their granddaughter (at different times) my husband and myself need time alone to bond with our new baby and for me to heal. I didn't let anyone visit for 1 month, then I spaced each visit at least 2 weeks apart so we had time to recover. It worked really well for us especially because I had a c-section and it took awhile for me to heal. Having someone visit with a new baby can be very stressfull, especially if they're staying with you. If you feel you'll need some time to heal and adapt to motherhood then don't hesitate to do that. Good luck!


HannahBaby - May 14

My inlaws didnt fly up until about 4-6 weeks after i had the baby. I didnt want alot of visitors either in the beginning


3babies - May 14

Hi Jenn2. I know it's really hard, but you have to be strong enough to tell your in-laws when you feel that you will be ready for a visit. If you dont, it will be you who will have to put up with them! Also some people have been pleasantly surprised by how helpful and considerate the in-laws have been when they arrive. I myself am in a similar situation. With my first I really didnt want my MIL to stay with us but my SIL lives in the same town so she stayed with her and visited. It took a lot of pressure off. This time my SIL will be away so my MIL will have to stay with us. I was worried about what to do, but now she is going to come while I'm still in the hospital to give my husband a hand with my other kids. I think that should work pretty well. I like my MIL aswell, but it is just hard having someone else in your house. I would really try to be honest, phrase it nicely, and if they dont understand, then it isnt your problem it's theirs. As for your SIL and kids, that is TERRIBLE! I would actually ask flat out that they dont stay with you with the kids as you feel it would be a bit overwhelming. Good luck ... this stuff is always so tricky!



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