Really Need Some Advice On Mother In The Delivery Room Ahh

12 Replies
chrissi79 - January 23

Ok, so here is the pickle I'm in right now. My mom had totally misconstrued something I said about the delivery room and who's allowed in there. My mom is VERY VERY overly excited, and totally wants to be in there, but I know myself and I won't have patience for her in there. I stated very early that it would just be my husband in the room when I give birth, NOW she has 100% taken something I said and turned it into something completely different. We had our tour and info session early this month and they told us that other than our partner one other person is allowed in the a backup. So OBVIOUSLY my mom would be my backup person, but there is no way I can have her in there the entire time! What am I supposed to do though? She has like made this up and convinced herself that I've ASKED her to be in there!!!!!!! HOW?!!! UHHHH HELP please!!!


chriss - January 23

This is really just my opinion, but you should just tell her the difference, that she is a backup only and that for your own sanity, you can only bare to have yourself and your husband in the room. No offence to her what-so-ever. You have to do what makes you feel comfortable and if it ends up hurting your mom's feelings than that is unfortunate, but she should just be thrilled that you are designating her as a backup. It may end up making things worse if you don't tell her and things get crazy in the delivery room and she ends up being humilated by being thrown out or something............. Your really should just tell her............


chrissi79 - January 23

My issue is WHY does she think she's coming in? she is literally saying that I ASKED her to come in, but I didn't!


zay28 - January 23

Well. i wish my mom will be with me that day. My mom still treats me like her little girl. I love that. Sorry, to heard that you don't want your mom with you. Mine lives 3000 miles away. Enjoy your mom while you have her.


chrissi79 - January 23

Ok I think its being misunderstood...its not that I don't want her around when I'm in labor etc, but I did NOT ASK her to come in the delivery room, and people are telling me now that she is saying that i did...I never did that. ANd not to mention I'm just hearing about it, what's my husband going to think?


blessedmom78 - January 23

Hey Chrissi, I can totally relate. I'm a very forward person, and I didn't waste any time letting everyone know that it will be just my husband and me in the delivery room I have invited anyone who wants to, to be in the maternity waiting room so that I can visit them during the walking stage of labor and that they will be right across the hall to meet the new little one as soon as I'm covered back up. Childbirth is a very intimate experience, and it can be hectic as well, Less is More in my book. I will tell you that my mom is still giving guilt trips about the deal, but I just stay focused that this is not about her at all. You need to be comfortable, this isn't about anyone else. Hang in there. Maybe a heart to heart about your feelings will bring about understanding. GL!


chriss - January 23

Chrissi, if you didn't invite her, just come right out and tell her that you didn't (if you haven't already) she may have taken what the Dr. said (that you are allowed one extra person, other than your husband) to mean that you invited her. I would just tell her, don't argue if she insists that you did invite her, just tell her that it was a moment of higher than usual hormone levels and that you are reserving the right to change your mind and from this point on that she know that it will just be yourself and your husband in the delivery room.


nanders - January 23

Tell her that you just want hubby in the room and that you really need her to be in the waiting room as your backup!! Tell her you didn't realize that you had been misunderstood before and you just wanted to clarify it with her! Be nice and happy about it, that way if she freaks out, you can turn it on her and say sorry for the communication block and that if she doesn't want to be your back up that's okay too, you are trying to get organized before the actual labor! Good luck . family is the one thing I'm really stressed about with our baby, the rest I think I can handle!


Tammy276 - January 23

I would just sit down with her and explain that your sorry if she got the wrong picture and thinks that you invited her, but all you meant was that IF for some reason you wanted or needed someone else, she would be the one. Let her know that she is free to be in there with you (if you want her to) during the labor part of it, but when it comes time for pushing and the delivery, you just want it to be you and your dh. My mom, sis, BIL and dad were allowed in the room while I was laboring but as soon as they said "O.k. your 10cm, time to push", everyone was out the door even before I had a chance to kick them out!! was kinda funny actually. I'm sure she will understand if you explain that you really want it to be a personal experience for you and your DH


mamagoose - January 23

Chrissi, this is a really tough situation, I don't envy you! It's hard to say what you should do, since none of us really know you or your mom's personalities... I think if it was me in your situation, I would probably just suck it up and let Mom be in the delivery room, since she could potentially be heartbroken if I had to tell her she couldn't be there after she believes she was invited. I guess you'd have to weigh the good vs the bad. Which is worse: your feelings/etc if she was there, or whatever she might feel if she was "uninvited" (which I know you said you never technically invited her, but she believes it to be that way). That's just what I would do if it was my family in your situation, it might not necessarily be right for you. Good luck!


MommyMeg07 - January 23

Chrissi, I understand what you're struggling with. I do NOT want my mother in there either - unfortuantely, my baby's father isn't involved - so I have no choice!! Someone on here before suggested to me to tell the nurse that the ONLY person allowed in the room is my husband, and that then the nurse will take care of it. They HAVE to, so they get it taken care of. She wouldn't have to do it in a mean way either. Maybe your Mom could be in there off and on while they're waiting for you to fully dialate and then the nurse could say, "Okay, I need everyone to leave the room except the father." Good luck!


PrincessesMom - January 23

Try giving your mom some boundries and a job in the delivery room. Give her a camera and tell her where to stand to get "appropriate" pictures. That way she is out of the way, you'll get plenty of priceless pics, and you won't have to hurt her feelings.


catgiggles - January 23

I would just tell her that it is only going to be you and your husband. That is what I did w/ my mom. I love my mom but she really gets on my nerves with the way she acts about stuff. So, I just can't have her in there she will drive me crazy and not to mention anything that happens will be totally b__wn out of proportion and told to everyone. Including ppl she don't even know. I am also no allow people in the room for about 45 mins after we get the baby back. I want my husband and I to have some one on one time with the baby before everyone starts coming in. I have also been very upfront about this to all my friends and family and a__sured them that if they did not want to come b/c of that that it would not hurt my feelings. However, they all say they understand. Good luck to you!



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