SAHM Babysitter

12 Replies
tish212 - October 17

ok this may be a little long and I'm sorry...and honestly I'm not a mean person but this is just too much. my mother was never home when I was growing up so I decided that I want to be there for my kids..and with the support of my dh I have chosen to be a sahm... well a friend of my dh gf is pregnant (like 2 months) and the other night she told her bf that I would watch her baby for her once its born so she can go back to work...she never even asked me..I found out cuz he said something to my dh about it and my dh asked me was my plan to open a daycare...of course I said no....she told her bf that I would watch her baby...and do it for free...this is my first baby and I want to devote my time to it..not split it between my baby and somones elses not to mention care for someones child all day for free...but it gets better.... a week ago my sil who just had her baby told my mil she wanted me to care for her son so she could go back to work...and I love my nephew..but once again she assumed I'd do it for free...please don't get me wrong I'm not some money hungry monster...but me and dh are not made of money and I had to stop working long before me and dh wanted but the dr advised I stay home for my babies heath and well being. so if I end up watching someone else child I should get paid because that is taking attention away from my child...ugh...even my other sil is trying to get me to watch her 2 daughters for her...for free...and they r a handful sweet as could be but not disciplined at all because they get pushed onto whoever will watch them (wich is horrible I know) but why is it just because me and hubby decided to cut way back and give up so much so I could stay at home everyone feels that I'm their free ticket to a babysitter...and I know full well if I needed them to watch my lo they all would charge me....I really don't mean to sound hateful but it just aggravates me that everyone just assumes that I will babysit for them and do it for free. sorry just needed to get it out...thanks..I feel a lil better

 

Buffi R. - October 17

Vent away! You have every right to be upset about that. I've never heard of so many people a__suming that someone else would care for their children for free. It's almost like one heard another one talking about it and the news just spread like a bad rumor that you're opening your house to free day care for everyone you know! That really sucks and I don't envy you for all the people you might have to say "no" to now just because they were insenstive and a__sumed away to their heart's content. Better yet, maybe the girl who started all this should explain everything to everyone else. I work full time, but I would NEVER ask someone to watch my child long term for free, let alone a__sume it would be OK. Kudos to you for standing your ground!

 

LIN - October 17

Wow, that's pretty amazing that anyone would expect you to mind their kids for free, let alone three separate people. Are you sure they're not just thinking of it as an occasional thing? That's just crazy.

 

inuk-mama - October 17

tell them no!!! oh my goodness, I couldn't imagine all those people wanting me to watch their kids for them and for free none the less!! That is crazy! No, you juts tell them that you are a satm for your child and you want to devote your time to that. Not everyone else's babies. And if you chose to watch their children, make sure that you charge them a fee. Do not let them take advantage of you! Especially your dh's friends girlfriend! I wouldn't even babysit for her because she is just a__suming that you are going to do it!!

 

foxxy mommy - October 17

well first you need to tell dh to say no to anyone who asks and then explain to your sils that you want to give your own child your undivided attention. if they dont understand that then they arent good parents to their own kids in the first place. dont mean to sound rude, i dont know these people but i also just read a thread about mils and how controlling they can be and i just dont underdstand how when we have children we automatically become public property?!?!? would they have asked you to babysit if you were just stay at home without the mom part? and you should NOT feel bad about wanting $ for babysitting. its a really tough job, and they know that, trust me! dateline recently did a study of sahms and if we were in the "working world" getting paid to do what we do, we would be bringing in $70,0000/yr at LEAST!!!! good luck to you tish and make sure to keep standing up for yourself!

 

lmk - October 17

Like some other posters said, you need to figure out who is making all these a__sumptions! Just make sure your dh isn't somehow promoting this idea, since I can't imagine why his friend's gf would a__sume you would watch her kid at all, and much less for free! Now, on the other hand, running a daycare can be a good business for you, but you need to make sure that everyone knows that it's a business, and they need to pay you. My SIL does this so she can afford to stay home with the kids. Of course, you may want to wait a little while until you're used to your own lo and her needs...but it's something to consider. Just make sure, your SIL's and your friends know that as they get a paycheck for their work, you expect one too.

 

tish212 - October 17

I have no idea how they all a__sumed this... my hubbys friend gf is just like that though she a__sumes everyone is just dying to make her life easier...shes a nut job...but my sils I don't get... I think I may be to blame for the one with a son (samantha) cuz I did watch her son for her the other day for free...only because it was last minute emergency thing...but then she told my mil later that day that she was going to go back to work cuz money was tight for her and her fiance...and she mentioned to my mil that she only trusted me to watch her son..and she was going to ask me to do it..but she couldn't afford to pay me. my mil called me asap to give me the heads up. I understand money problems...believe me I've been there and staying home now is hard...but I would never ask someone to care for my child long term for free...my other sil (ashlee) is a mess falling apart marriage with an unfaithful husband...huge debt...and a horrible housing situation (she lives with her mil and her mils 3 grandkids in a filthy house) so I think she just stresses beyond thought ...and her kids are my god daughters..and I love em...I think she a__sumes "letting" me babysit them is doing me a favor...?? my hubby has no interest in me starting a daycare...cuz he wants me to devote my attention 100% to his child (my hubby is 34 and always wanted a child of his own) I know it seems crazy that they all hit me up at once...but I think its b/c my mil who also is a sahm of an 11yr old... said she would no longer be able to babysit at a moments notice...cuz her husband retired and she wants to spend time with him. so I guess they all moved to me...this staying at home is hard for me cuz I'm used to working nonstop...and I feel bad not making $ to bring into the house since I'm used to helping... and I wouldn't mind babysitting after I get the hang of being a mommy... but I would want to get paid.... thanks for letting me vent!

 

DaBonkElsMe - October 17

It is just plain wrong for anyone to a__sume you would watch their children for them on a regular basis for free. Once in a while makes sense, or for emergency situations, but even with your SILs, they should at least offer to pay you if they want you to ba a full time babysitter. I also completely understand your not wanting to watch anyone else's kids while you take care of your own. I am the same way. We, unfortunately, cannot afford for me to stay home, but when my DH suggested I watch other children in our home for $$ - I said I'd rather go back to work. I wrked as a nanny during college, and people tend to try and push the limits, or take advantage of in home babysitters. I'm not up for that!! I am a teacher so after i return to work this year, I will only have a few weeks until summer break. Anyway, i am off topic. If I were you, I would talk to these people face-to -face ASAP. You do not have to be mean to tell them that you would rather spend your time at home bonding with your own child and not caring for others as well. If they don't understand, that's their problem. My neighbor is a SAHM, and when I found out I was PG I secretly hoped that she would watch my son for me when I went back to work, HOWEVER, I intended to pay her and did not mention this hope to anyone. One day when she and I were talking it came up, and she offered to watch him for part of each week, and then I offered to pay her for it and we came to a fair agreement. BUT I would have NEVER just a__sumed she would do it, or even think of not paying her for it.

 

AntsWife - October 17

I went through the exact same thing way before I was pregnant or even married. I was working full time and every day off and weekend, someone would drop their kids at my door step. It was so bad at one point that my mother- who would normally watch the kids while everyone was at work- would just a__sume I would do it and when I said this was my day off she'd argue that it was HER day off and that she was ent_tled to one too! Mind you, I had no children at the time. Point of the story? Stop it now! None of these people will collapse without you. None of these children will go without care because of you. But- once you set the precedent of being the babysitter, people start feeling ent_tled to your time and it's really hard to get out of without creating bad feelings. Once in a while is ok, but make it clear that it's only once in a while. Just my 2 cents worth..

 

sahmof3 - October 17

I had this trouble a few times too, with people trying to weasel me into watching their kids for free. I did end up with my best friend and my nephew's wife using me as EMERGENCY back-up childcare. I only said yes to do it for those two people, because they were the only ones that I knew for sure wouldn't take advantage... it's just not their personality. Definitely find a way to put these people off now... especially if this is your first baby... it takes time and often many tears in those first few weeks to get the hang of things and I doubt you will want anyone else's kids hanging around (at least that would have been the absolute last thing I wanted when my kids were newborns! lol I barely wanted my older kids around at times when I had my 2nd and 3rd kids ;-)).

 

lmk - October 17

Tish, something else to consider is that kids in daycare get sick a lot! One gets sick and then they all get it as kids just aren't as worried about germs. The last thing you want is your lo getting sick from someone else's kids especially before she's 2 months old! I actually told my brother and my SIL to not visit us with their kids until after my lo is 2 months old. Before then, the immune system is still week and any fever is really quite serious.

 

tish212 - October 18

I would like to thank everyone who responded... I didn't want to come off sounding mean but it was driving me insane... I have confronted one sil so far planning on confronting dh friends gf on sat when we do our weekly dinner with them... but having trouble getting ahold of my other sil. I spoke to my mother about it and she added one more aspect that it comes with tons of legal liabilities... but of course I wasn't planning on doing it any way. thanks again and thanks for letting me vent!

 

sahmof3 - October 18

tish... that is true. I actually did in-home sitting when my oldest son was 2. I only watched one boy (and didn't like it, the mom was a teacher and I quit at the end of the school year... it's hard not to feel like you are taking away time from your own child). There are legal liabilities, some areas require certification/licensing, plus, our home owners' insurance went up (liability insurance)... if you rent there may be ramifications there, too, of having someone else's child in your care all day.

 

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