Unwanted Advice

10 Replies
JESS1980 - May 26

I was just wondering if anyone else was having to deal with unwanted advice about raising children. It seems like every time I turn around someone is saying to me "This is what I think you should do" or "This is how I raised my baby..." or "If I were you, I'd raise my baby this way...."!!! I know people are just trying to be helpful, but sometimes the unwanted advice is frustrating. My husband and I are smart, independent people and we will certainly ask for help if we need it. Don't people realize that?! Has anyone else had these issues?

 

mejjohnson - May 26

I have also met a lot of people telling me their opinions on how to raise my son- from how they think I should feed my newborn to our career status and daycare options. Those "people" seem to be everywhere. At 41 weeks I have learned to ignore their advice and just smile.....try to hang there, you raise your baby the way you want- that's the best part of starting your own family. :)

 

Nora1 - May 26

And then you get all the advice on how to birth the baby even! "Get the epidural immediately", "don't try it without it", etc.... blah, blah, blah! ha! :)

 

JESS1980 - May 26

Thanks for responses ladies! Good to know other people understand! Nora1, I love your response!! I have already received MANY "suggestions" on epidurals, positions for giving birth, videotaping the birth, etc.... HAHA! I ignore them as best I can. But the best "suggestion" I've received so far came from my Mother-In-Law. She actually called me last week and said "Can you please NOT have the baby on the 24th? That's really not a good day for me." And the worst part is that she was serious!!! :-)

 

Jenn - May 26

I know exactly how you feel!! I am expecting my second-actually thursday is my section!! But, my son is almost two and my SIL is telling me about how he'll be due to having a baby around. SHE ONLY HAS ONE KID HERSELF!!! She tells me that he's going to hit him and bit him, etc. My son doesn't even behave that way now!! But I just shrug it off-I try to be nice but here lately I have been screening calls cause I just don't want to hear it!! Also, I HATE HATE HATE when I hear "are you going to be able to handle it??" Umm, women have been doing this for years!! Geeze, they really make it sound as though I am crazy for having another child!!

 

mommie2be - May 26

I agree. It's with good intent, by IT IS ANNOYING! Everybody's life road is SO different. I can handle the occa__sional advice, but the same person who keeps adding "and I did this" and "you'll want to make sure to do that"-- okay.. time to back-off.

 

Emily - May 26

oh my, as soon as people could see I was pregnant I got that advise....and it still goes on. I have a 22 month old and am 36 weeks preg with my 2nd. Let me tell you the best advise I ever got, from two people.....number 1 - my mom, do what works for you, people, me included will tell how we did things, but as long as it works for you, stick to it....and number 2 - my dh grandmother- dont' worry about how others do things, as long as you and your dd are healthy and happy, that is what counts

 

MamaKW10 - May 26

Haha! I feel the same way as you all do! It's like everyone has their own ways of doing things but why do they have to tell me I "HAVE" to do it that way!?! Really gets annoying! My step-mother tells me all the time that I just HAVE to b___stfeed. Like my baby will not be healthy if I don't or its going to hurt him! I have talked about it and I thought I had decided to b___stfeed but then I told her I think I might bottle feed. I have my reasons and its my body and my child. I think I should be able to decide that alone. But she went on and on...."well you should at least try" BLAH BLAH BLAH! Shut up! So she just keeps talking about me feeding my baby like I am going to b___stfeed but I told her I wasn't! She even gave me a b___st pump! Also does anyone else have anyone that "thinks" they are going to be in the room with you when you have your baby & you have no idea why they think that!?!?! My step-mother made a comment one day about how I wanted her to be in the room with me and I have no IDEA where she got that from! I don't want to be mean and say NO WOMAN I NEVER SAID I WANT YOU IN THERE WITH ME!!! But also I need to tell her somehow that I don't b/c it is something very private and I only want my mother and aunt & of course my hubby! Jess1980~Wow I cannot believe your mother-in-law called and said that! Haha OK like you can help it. And even if you could....I think you would have your baby when you felt you needed! LOL sounds exactly like something my mother-in-law would say! Oh well I have just really learned to let in go in one ear and out the other! We get to raise our babies the way we want & if no one likes it then thats their problem. :)

 

JESS1980 - May 26

Hi MamaKW10! I have also had to deal with people wanting to be in the delivery room with me. My mother-in-law keeps insisting that I call her as soon as I go in to labor AND that she wants to be in the delivery room. I have already told her NO, but she doesn't seem to listen. So, my husband and I have decided not to call her until AFTER the baby is delivered. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother-in-law....BUT, sometimes she acts like she's my MOTHER! I already have a GREAT mother....I don't need another one. I wish she understood the difference between being a mother and being a MOTHER-IN-LAW! So don't worry MamaKW10...you're not the only one with delivery room issues!

 

Been There - May 26

I agree, sometimes people should just keep their opinions to themselves. My FIL likes to tell me how he raised his kids and I don't think he did the best job in the world. So sometimes I bite my tongue, but most of the time, I don't. I just let him know these are my children and I'll do what I want. I don't have patience for being irritated. Jess1980, try not to be too hard on your MIL. It's nice that she wants to be there for the delivery. Think of it from her point of view, it's just as much her grandchild as it's your mother's grandchild. Her son is having a baby too and that's why she wants to be there. I completely understand wanting to limit the number of people who "see" you in that condition. With my last child, my MIL came to the room. When everyone was asked to leave so I could be prepped for my unplanned c-section, I only asked my mother to stay because I was so bloated, I knew I'd need her help. But when my MIL saw my mother was staying, she sat right back down and I thought, "You really don't need to be here. You can go now." My mother and I still laugh about it sometimes (yes, I can laugh about it now, but I was a little aggravated then). But I also tried to realize that her only son was having a child and she felt she needed to be there. So I dealt with it. Again, I understand your point, but try to see things from her view point as well. Maybe you could compromise. Maybe you could let her come to the hospital but tell her that when it comes to the actual delivery, you'd rather not have a large audience while you're all spread eagle. That way she can still feel like she's part of the experience. Just a thought.

 

JessDT - May 27

oh my goodness! YES. i get it all the time and it is so very aggravating. especially when you get advice from people who don't even have kids, like they have any idea how it is! I have just learned to smile and nod, its the only thing you really can do. although with these hormones i've been on the verge of a major freak out on people such as this. good luck!!

 

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