Vent Alcoholic Mother Poor Little Brother

16 Replies
tish212 - November 15

yeah yeah it rhymes didn't mean that....my mother is a severe alcoholic...and my brother still lives with her (hes 17 I moved out at 18) anyways..he was getting good grades...(for him) an A 2 B's and a C now all of a sudden they dropped to 1C 2D's and an E. my mother called me last nite about it saying its b/c he's got all these friends now and girls and such...and he's letting his grades drop. but I know my brother and he's always had tons of friends and girls....something has happened. I tried to talk to him last nite but she was there so he couldn't talk... but I could tell by his voice he was upset. she spent the whole afternoon drunkenly yelling at him and demeaning him so I know he felt like c__p...then he called everyone she knew to have them yell at him.... I know he was miserable... and I'm scared something serious is going on.... he isn't like this to let his grades just drop....and I can't talk to him cuz she won't give him 5 seconds alone. his father swears its just girls but its not.... since he was born I raised him... my mother was never home or too drunk to look after him...so yeah I kinda consider him my own... I've called social services she lost him for a week until she lied and said she was dying of cancer (which she isn't her dr told me) I wanted to go to his school ad talk to him...but I can't...law say only parents on school grounds...and I wanted to talk to his teachers and let them know to back off talking to her cuz of what he deals with at home but dh says be careful that if she found out she could cut me off from him...which would crush me... I couldn't sleep last night all I could do is cry cuz I have been where he is (she was horrible to me) and I can't stand the thought of him going threw that... I'm just so lost I thought things were getting better for him but they aren't ... its really bad trust me she is a drunk and lives in an imaginary world...she lost our house (when I was just about to turn 18) she said she thought if she quit paying on it they would just give it to her...her imaginary world is clouding his grasp on reality...he's 17 and didn't know u have to pay for things like electric phone housing..insurance ect....he has no real world experience he doesn't even have a job .... I have always told him when he reaches 18 he can live here with me for free...until he can get on his feet...but I'm afraid he won't make it. I suffered depression at his age... and tried suicide several times and I fear he might as well....I'm sorry to go on and on....it just has me sooo upset... I'm lost as to what to do...she won't let him move in now...and she won't let me talk to him privately...and his father culdnt care less. uggg I could just scream....thanks for letting me vent

 

KRISTINA - November 15

Have you ever concedered the fact that your mother might suffer from a mental condition? If she is truly delusional that can be signs of manic/depressive and schizophrenia. I dont know if alcoholics suffer sever delusions, but I know people with chemical inbalnces do. Just I thought. But I am sorry for your situation. Could you call child services again?

 

tish212 - November 15

I tried to call social servces and they are pretty much against taking him cuz they believe she is dying ... I don't know if she is mentally messed up or if alcohol just allows her to live in these dellusions... but u can't have someone commited here...we already tried that and its not legal in this state.... when we lived in CO we had her put in rehab several times...but it didn't work shed get out and go back to it...I'm not worried bout her drinking...cuz she will never stop... I'm worried about him... :(

 

margie - November 15

how much longer until he turns 18 and can get out on his own without her stopping it? can he get emancipated from her? if there were any grounds...i would for sure say that these would be them! i have known people to become emancipated from parents and could move out and legally considered an adult before 18

 

margie - November 15

what state do you live in?

 

tish212 - November 15

I live in MD...he turns 18 next august...he has his license...so he can drive but she took his car keys from him (which makes no sense to me cuz I bought him that car NOT her) he went for emancipation and was denied...and that caused TONS more annomosity between them...I really want to tell his teachers to back off...b/c their talking to her aout every little thing is causing him more problems...he pretty much has just stopped doing all school work...he doesn't pay attention...doesn't do his homework...won't turn in cla__s work...which tells me something is wrong cuz he's not like that..he doesn't love school but he has always been on top of doing his work...he had an A in 3D art which art is his favorite cla__s and now he has a C which makes no sense...he loves it but is refusing to do the work...that tells me something is way off....and I am willing to help him no matter what it is... I just can't get a hold of him privately....and that is stressing me out.

 

babylove4 - November 15

Hi Tish, Let me begin by saying I'm sorry, My name is Brenda, My heart feels for You. I am the oldest of 5 & My Mom is also an alcholic...I'll be 33 this month, Well as far as I can remember My Mom was always that way. Sort of the same situation happened to me & my 17 year old sister, Well to make a long story short , Cops came my Mom was drunk cops let me take her, I kept her for 6 months & was able to enroll her in school, The majority of schools were on my side 100%, As long as You tell them what's going on and also because she was about to graduate....Every law enforcement we dealt with at the time told me to do the same thing, First try to gather up as much info as possible, record phone calls, write down incidents & talk to your witnesses...It's all for the sake of your Brother, In court You will win. I did. I too raised my brother from 7 years old.. I myself was only 11.....Your Mom needs help, She is sick.....We suffer for it too, The truth is Your Mom needs help, Just like mine. Try to stay strong for Yourself & your brother, I know it's hard , But dont give up on Your Mom either. Just try to help Your Brother as much as You can & maybe in time Your Mom will see the loss & the love she could of had with her children and change...(((Hugs)))

 

star_eyes - November 15

Is there any way that you can go to his school and speak with his principal? You could explain the situation and if the school could get involved then that may make it easier on you. They must know of some ways to deal with those types of situations. If her doctor told you that she wasn't dying then why can't he speak to CPS for you?? I know what it feels like to be helpless in a situation like this. It's so frustrating when all you want to do is help. I'm sorry for you but you are doing the right thing and your brother really needs you to care right now. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

tish212 - November 15

as far as the dr telling me he could lose his license...dr patient confidentiality...but he knew why I was asking. social services never asked twice after she said it cuz of health care regulations.... I want to talk to his principal but fear how much she has said or done to get people on her side...she does that...makes people feel sorry for her and then I look like the bad guy.... uggg.... I will be at her house next thursday for thanksgiving...but I'm worried that may be too long... we shall see...social services has also told me they won't get involved now b/c he is nearly 18 and they still think she is dying...what a bunch of bs! thank u brenda for shring it is nice to know that I'm not the only one ....I would never wish this on anyone...but it helps to know others can understand....

 

HeatherIsHopeful - November 15

first off, Im sorry for your situation but let me just say that I commend you for what you are prepared to do for your brother. the car issue is easily remedied she can take the car from him but since you bought it legally she has to give it back to you, trust me its better that you have it then her... who knows what she'll do with it (sell it, wreck it, give it away) like you said she kinda lives in her own world. whos name is the car in? if its in your name then its easy if its in his or her hen its a little harder. as for your bother... just let him know you are there for him and support him as much as you can. Try to email his teachers their email address is usually their name"at"whateverschooldistrict.edu or something also you could just google his school and look for a listing of his teachers (have him give you their names) and let them know the situation.. trust me if you just tll them the truth no matter how much you mom has "gotten them on her side" they will try to help in anyway they can, just be polite and truthful about her condition. I know how it is to have parents who can't quite cut it.... when I was 17 I lived literally on the streets by myself until my dad moved to the state and took me in. anyway, most importantly just make sure he knows you are there for him and he will make it till august. besides if anything does happen and the cops or anyone get involved though it would suck, it would help your case. By the way CPS SUCKS in my entire life and all the times I called them for me and my siblings and my friend who was being physically/ s_xually abused they NEVER once did anything about any of our situations except inform our parents that we tried to get help and it made things even worse at home. good luck to you!!! -Heather<3

 

tish212 - November 15

thanks heather see that's my point exactly...if I contact them again I'm afraid they may just go talk to her and make it worse for him...the car is in his name I legally gave it to him (dmv calls it a family gift) I like th email idea I will def be trying that since I cannot step foot on school property.... (ugg these new laws suck!) I would just like to know that he has understanding around him... people that can help him instead of go against him like he deals with at home.... he needs someon to talk to...it makes it easier...and if someone at his school understood and could talk to him it would help I think. thanks ladies...I really apprecite everyones comments.... bless all of u.

 

Terio - November 16

Tish, I would contact the school, too. I really cannot imagine why they wouldn't be open to hearing why your brother seems to be having problems. Teacher and admin are usually very caring, and open to hearing things of this nature, especially if it started something like, "I need to talk to you... my brother has a problem and I'm very worried about him - please give me five minutes, confidentially?" or something like that, and see where that takes you. I can't imagine that they would turn you away. You are such a good sister. Please tell us if you have an update. Your poor little brother. :-(

 

DaBonkElsMe - November 16

Tish, I am a high school teacher and I would say email or call his teachers directly. Even if the schools and adminastrators won't talk to you, the teachers often will. We care about the kids and I know that if I got an email from a sister like you about a student of mine, i would try to help in whatever way I could. Also, if you could find out who his guidance counsilor is, that might help too. It depends on the school and the guidance department though, some will be very helpful, others might not. Go to the school's website, usually teacher email addresses are posted there. I hope you can find a way to help him out, sounds like he's a good kid that just needs some help and guidance. Good luck!

 

docbytch - November 17

Hey Tish I am sorry to hear about your mom's dysfunctionality. I've been exactly where you are now...it's not a nice place to be. My mom threw me out the day my father died...I was 18. She acted as if she were some sort of widow...but he had been married to my stepmom for some 14 years. My mom hated me because her sick and twisted vietnam vet boyfriend was attracted to me (he was 17 yrs older than me..32 when I was 15...and No...I wanted no part of him in that way either.....my mom was in some sort of denial). It's s Loooong story...but needless to say he is STILL in the picture. It's truly saddening to watch a parent forsake their children....all for....??? Just be there for your brother...whatever you do. In bad times it's good to have that special bond only shared by siblings. To this day....unfortunately...my sibs and I have at best....a superficial relationship. Treasure the depth of the relationship you have with your brother. You may need him in the future.

 

tish212 - November 17

well here's the update....andif it hadn't happened to me I would never believe it. I really can't imagine things just getting worse...but apparently they do. last nite my brother convienced my mother to let him drive to his girlfriends house. well shes easily convienced when she drunk cuz she hates being interupted so she will say yes to anything... well aparently he left went to his gf house then left picked up a group of friends and they were driving around...a deer jumped out in front of the car so he swerved to missed it...and ended up wrecking. he was the only one in the car who was hurt (mainly from the airbags) well if uve ever second guessed if god exisits I can tell u he does... 10 minutes after the wreck...his bestfriends dad drives by...in a towtruck no less... realizes its my brother tows him out and takes him back to his house (after taking all the other kids home) he checked over my bro and gave him sometime to calm down.... then drove him to his house...and towed his car back... I met my bro at his house and I was so thankful he was walking and looked ok...I dragged him into the house to look over his injuries and talk to him. he was shaking like a leaf...his eyes were bloodshot (u could tell he had cried) his arm was all swollen and brush burned from the airbag...his top lip was way swollen and bloddy from where the airbag smashed into his face.... he was upset and nervous...and after she came in the house I could see why. she didn't once look at his injuries...or ask if he was ok...she just began yelling at him that he shouldn't have swerved...and that he was in big trouble she cornered him in the kitchen yelling at him and he was cringing in fear she would hit him...I got so mad that I screamed at her...that she should be thankful that he is still alive...that he could have been killed...and that she should be thanking her lucky stars that he was ok...she got me soo mad I couldn't breathe. I found out why his grades had dropped...(i took him fo a walk to talk) and he said it point blankly..he doesn't feel like doing the work he sees no reason to.... which now I understand he is going through depression he sees no reason to make something of himself b/c he has no rolemodel at home. so me and hubby talked about it and agreed when he is 18 he can move in here... he will be going into the 12th grade (as long as he pa__ses this year) and since I am a sahm I will help him to pa__s his highschool a__sesmet tests...and see to it that he graduates and gets help for his depression. I want him here now...but she won't let him move...and what's worse...last night my dh told him that he should take some tyelenol b4 he went to bed...and my mother said I've got medicine he can take and my bro looked at us and said no I don't want her medicine I don't want to be zoned out....she has a script for percacet(sp) which is not a good idea to give him while he's depressed....at his age I got a prescription fr it b/c I rippeda muscle in my neck...once I felt the effects I became addicted...and that's what lead to all my other addictions... and if she opens that door..shes opening pandoras box....and halfway threw typing this his father calls me to find out what happened...and talking to him is like talking to a brick wall....he a__sumes that it is 100% my brothers fault and there was no deer he was driving too fast ect...w/o even talking to my brother....I'm just so frustrated right now I can't even finish this...ill finish it later...thanks for letting me vent...and thanks for ur understanding....

 

Gemini_Girl - November 17

Hey Tish sounds awful, but you are doing the right thing, being a good sister, giving and providing him with the extra support he needs in all aspects, at least he knows no matter how bad things get, he always has you to turn to I lost my sister to suicide when she was 15 and I was 19, after a family break up and loss of our home, I always tried to be there for her but It didnt seem to be enough, she masked her real feelings well, and when she died no one seen it coming, it was devasting, of course Im not suggesting that will happen to you, I just hope your brother hangs in there, and can focus on better things that are round the corner, ie moving in with you and making a better life for himself - goodluck with everything

 

tish212 - November 17

thank u so much....we too lost our house when I was 18....she stopped payin the mortgage....and I do often worry how bad his depression is.... I've talked to him off and on tonite and he's doing better....but still upset. thanks everyone....

 

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