Any Advice On How To Keep Grandparent From Spoiling My Child

9 Replies
Krissy25 - March 26

Although my dd is only 7.5 months old i thought some of you might have some experience and advice on this subject. My dh's parents love to spoil our daughter, they will go out shopping and pick things up for her all the time. They bought her so much stuff for christmas, even my mil admitted she went overboard but she wanted to do it. I apperciate their generosity and i am always very gracious for everything they give to us and our dd but i have issues with consumerism and materialism and i don't want my dd growing up thinking that things make you happy and love can be bought. I also don't want her to think that everytime she sees them she should expect a gift of some sort nor do i want her to favor them over my parents b/c they are not as generous. I believe this would be easier to solve if my dh was on board but he likes the way they spoil her and doesn't really see the problem. I know a lot of grandparents spoil their grandkids but if it is this bad now, i think it will be worse as she gets older. (BTW she is their only grandchild) If anyone has any experience with this i would like to know how you handled the situation.


mjvdec01 - March 26

I know what you mean. My mother is constantly buying things for my daughter who is two now. I think it is partly because she only sees her a couple of times a month, we live about an hour and a half away. It sounds like your in laws probably buy more than my mother, but my mom is known for buying big stuff, like tables and chairs, large b___s, play kitchens, and the last time she was here she took her out with my aunt and bought her a new pair of shoes and a bike... she already has one that she loves?! At Christmas time I had to ask her to please not buy anything fot Madalyn that was too big. We ended up bringing home a childs table and two chairs. We have a 1800sqft home and another baby on the way, this house is filling up fast. On several occasions I have tried to talk to my mom about it and her response is always, "I am her grandma and I am going to buy her whatever I want". What does a mother say to that? I am so afraid that even with purging toys and stuff every couple of months, that by the time our little boy is six months this house will look like a daycare center!


yumymumy - March 26

i think its pretty common for the grandparents to spoil our kids to some extent. and as they get older i find it gets worse coz our kids ask about things, kids grow intrests in things and grandparents see that and then, well, buy them things they like!:) and if its not toys its a packet of chips that only nan and pop has ya know whati mean? my boy isnt spolit with big toys, but matchbox cars, a train, or snacks and my mum knows not to spoil a child coz i wasnt spoilt but its just something grandparents do lol it drives me insane aswel at times just say your concerns and if it takes saying it 3 or 4 times more let it be.the thing is aswel, grandparents arnt around aslong as parents are and most kids grow up and do relise its just a thing that nan and pops do, i think my son is spoilt from my parents, but he does not act spoilt for us for some reson and lets face it.... as kids get older visiting grandparents gets boring for alot of children when they are alot older. i think like you but i also kind of let it go in my situation coz there is no harm. the only thing you can do is say how you feel and maybe they might ease off after a while i guess its there 1st grandchild and they so excited all the time too. godluck!;)


cubbie - March 26

My mum has always totally spoiled my dd's but especially at the beginning with my oldert dd who is their first grandchild, the first year, I didn't have to buy a single item of clothing, at first I felt like my mum was taking control but kept quiet as I didn't want to feel unappreciative, then one day my mum said to me "I know I buy too much, but even the minute I leave her I miss her so much it hurts and so when I'm shopping and I buy her things it makes me feel close to her when I'm not near her" and I guess I can understand that, I also found that by her spoiling her, as she got older it actually made it much easier for me to say no to her, say my mum bought her something and the next day we were in the shop and she asked me for something she understood when I said "no you can't because yesterday you got that new toy from grandma" But I did lay down a few ground rules: no giving her candy in our house and in her house if she wants to give her candy she should check with me that it's not before a meal time. Also she used to come over every time with a present and I told her that she can give her as many presents as she wants in her house, but in our house just on special occa__sions so that she doesn't expect presents as soon as they arrive.


Krissy25 - March 26

Cubbie, i think you hit the nail on the head. My MIL loves to be with my dd and sees her a few times a week but misses her when she is not around and since she likes to shop a lot buying her things (even little things) is a way to feel connected. But at the same time our house is not big and our family room is already filled with toys. I just think about how many birthdays and christmases there will be in the future and just how much more she will get. I was at my in-laws today and my mil was showing me all these toys and things for my dd. I think she knows that i feel it is too much so she is keeping them at her house. When it comes to the big events though i am going to tell her that she can't give more than two gifts. We'll see how that goes.


alverran - March 26

I completely understand, my dh and dd just came back from my MIL's house (we live overseas), my dd had to ship two boxes back. I am not offended, it is her way of expressing her love, my dd doesn't know any different (she is almost 20 months), she never asks for anything. So if she wants to buy her an outfit, toy, or anything, I am mum about it.


K - March 27

Sweetie- you might as well just give up now! You are fighting a losing battle. My dd just turned 2. She is my Mom's only grandchild. I talked, begged, and complained until my face turned blue. My house looks like a day care. The 2 presents thing won't work. They will buy more and either give it to your DD anyway or claim they will keep it at your house for her. Plus, they will complain to everyone who will listen about how grandparents are supposed to be able to spoil their grandkids and you are being unfair about the holidays. If they go along with the 2 gift thing, I promise they will be the hugest most elaborate ridiculous things they can find- you better get a bigger house!! If it makes you feel better, when I was a kid, I had one set of GPs who spoiled me rotten and bought me everything you can imagine and gave me presents about every time they saw me and and another Grandma who wasn't overboard like that at all and just played with me and spent a lot of time with me. I absolutely adored my Grandma. I loved them all. I certainly didn't favor the gift givers over my other Grandma.


Krissy25 - April 1

AHHH, they did it again, they bought something that hooks up to the tv, thankfully they are keeping it at their house, but i'm trying to keep her from getting too attached to the tv and i am afraid this toy will do the opposite. I think this is hopeless, K you are right this is unstoppable b/c in their minds it's always just 1 little thing so i don't think they see it as too much.


guccigal87 - April 1

ok sooo one i would be glad they are jsut buying material things. Thank them very much for the gift but when you see that its getting too much maybe suggest that they keep it so she has something to play with.. thats what i like to do. that way ALL the grandparents have thier own specail toys for my son and i dont have to pack anything to keep him ammused.. it seems to work out awesome so far cuz my son is 14 months. This lets them buy everything they want.. you only keep what you want and they think its special to have a little toy box there! The thing you have to watch out for is the spoiling with candy.. i am a no sugar mommy at this moment and have kept with it and sooo far i have been able to keep it under control.. make sure you let them know if she is alowed candy before they start buying it


cubbie - April 1

My IL's just bring candy so when they come I make a big show of saying thank you letting my dd choose one thing and saying we'll put the rest in the cuboard for the rest of the week, knowing that dh can't let candy sit in the cuboard, so as soon as they go and the girls are asleep he somehow manages to scoff the lot!



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