Men's Feeling After Miscarriage
Miscarriage can be a devastating experience for couples who are trying to conceive. While many go on to have healthy babies, it can take some time before they are ready ï¿½ both physically and emotionally ï¿½ to try again. In order to get to that place, however, both partners have to be emotionally available for one another. It is during this phase that many men get forgotten, say experts at the British Miscarriage Association.
This can happen for a variety of reasons, the primary of which is many menï¿½s reluctance to share their emotions, coupled with the fact that most of the attention will (understandably) be focused on the mother immediately after a pregnancy loss.
This guide is designed to help both men and women get better in touch with some of the most common emotions men report to have experienced following a miscarriage.
Helplessness. This is by far one of the most common emotions men experience following a miscarriage. Their lack of control over the situation, their partnerï¿½s feelings as well as their own, can leave many men feeling at a loss. For men who are experiencing a pregnancy loss for the first time, the medical procedures and terminology will likely be unfamiliar, making them feel further isolated from the events. Finally, simply having to watch their loved one endure such pain and hardship can be enough to make a man feel powerless.
Grief and sorrow. Of course, experiencing feelings of grief, loss, and disappointment also tend to accompany a pregnancy loss. That being said, it is also common for men to report not experiencing the same emotions as their partner. Indeed, the act of carrying the child often causes the woman to feel a stronger connection to the baby. She will also be experiencing many hormonal changes, which may cause her to be more emotional and sensitive than usual. That is why it is so important for men to be patient and understanding. Accusing your partner of overreacting will not help her to feel better; only time can do that.
Other common emotions men may experience after miscarriage include:
- Shock. Many men are shocked by the turn of events, especially if there were no pregnancy complication.
- Anger. It is common for men to feel anger, either towards something or someone in particular (i.e. medical staff), or just at the situation more generally.
- Loneliness. As their partner recovers, many men feel isolated, as they are unfamiliar with the situation and how to handle it.
- Guilt. Some men may feel guilty about the situation, perhaps because they werenï¿½t there when it happened, or werenï¿½t able to aid their partner when she was in pain.
- Anxiety. Itï¿½s normal for men to feel anxious, particularly with regard to their partnerï¿½s recovery.
- Low sex drive. Donï¿½t be alarmed if your partner suddenly seems disinterested in sex. It is natural for men to be worried about the safety of having sex after a miscarriage, or they may just be anxious about having a similar outcome.
- Impatience. While many men do experience feelings of sadness, many also tend to bounce back more quickly than their female partners. They may feel an urge to ï¿½get back to normal,ï¿½ or may be ready more quickly than women to begin trying to get pregnant again. Many experts attribute this to the male and female concept of ï¿½loss.ï¿½ While many women will report having lost a ï¿½babyï¿½ after a miscarriage, some men might not feel a connection to the child until after it is born.
It is important that men discuss these emotions openly and honestly with their partner, so that they can rebuild their relationship and begin looking towards the future.
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